Welcoming the new year

Creating a vision board is a good
physical reminder of what you intend
to create in the coming year.

New Year's Eve 2016. It's time to say goodbye to the old and welcome in the new year. For most, the annual ritual brings with it a bevy of traditions and high expectations.

Yet, very few celebrations live up to their promises. Resolutions are made to be broken. The year's dreams may have gone unrealized, or life showed up in ways unexpected. But that doesn't have to mean it was a bad year. What if it's up to our interpretation, and we can interpret it as good?

2016 was certainly an interesting year -- one that produced more challenges and discomfort than some of us are used to. We lost jobs while others lost loved ones, a few faced devastating illness, and a steady parade of beloved public figures -- musicians, artists, actors and authors, among them -- said goodbye to the mortal plane we've traveled together. Injustice throughout our country and the world seems extreme, with countless individuals, communities, and entire nations in crisis. Here in the states, we're about to make a hard right turn politically, ensuring even greater hardship for many. Yes, there are reasons to give in to worry, anger, or even fear.

And yet, there's a lot to be hopeful about.

New Year's Day ends five or six weeks of holiday frivolity and festivity; at the least, those weeks are a diversion from the norm. We interrupt our day-to-day programming and reconnect to the friends, family, rituals and traditions we care about during the darkest time of year (for those of us in the northern hemisphere), or find new meaning if the old familiar doesn't work anymore.

Pragmatically, the days that follow are really 
just a continuation of the year before. 

Idealistically, are they?

That first day of January symbolizes a fresh start. Some of us take time to reflect and look ahead. We clear the slate, make resolutions, change our minds, craft new plans, set goals, declare intentions, choose themes and keywords, and create tools like vision boards or mind maps to guide us as we go. We have hope for better times ahead.

What this tells me is we believe we have the power to create our circumstances, or at some level influence them. For this window of time, we're aware of where we have control and the inner power we possess to direct our own lives. We can choose how we want to be in the world, what we want more of, and express our desires and dreams.

If nothing else, we can choose our responses...

Life happens...

My word, or theme, for 2016 was invest, intending to actively invest in my financial future. To be smart about money. To change my relationship to it.

That wasn't exactly what showed up...

What showed up was losing my job, and instead of financial investment, I found myself investing in me. Hindsight being 20/20, it proved to be a good word, although the shift to this interpretation didn't happen overnight. It came to me slowly, after a number of false starts, breakdowns and breakthroughs, as I sought to explore and understand.

Those investments are now paying dividends, despite no steady paycheck. I invested time and energy in self-care, self-awareness, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, mindful contribution, learning, and gratitude, and ultimately created new relationships and communities, identified what I deemed most important, learned how to allow, receive, and give differently, and found deeper connections and unrelenting trust.

Despite some anxious days and nights, it was worth every amount of effort; even anxiety has much to teach. Accepting what is and looking for good, I shifted my awareness, beliefs and my thinking, and through all this, experienced moments of bliss and and true joy. My list of what went right in 2016, as I reflect back, continues to grow. To all who were part of my process, I am extremely grateful.

And, all that said, there are many things I'm pretty over. I'm done with the self-doubt that showed up when my job went away. With the self-imposed limits that kept me small and disconnected from my full potential when I wanted to step into something bigger. With stories I learned along my journey that left me feeling 'less than' or disempowered. As I look out into our abundant universe, the collective 'we' continues to imagine, innovate, and create in more ways than anyone ever thought possible. Count me in.

So I have high hopes for 2017. I hope you do, too.

I recognize my good fortune -- I get to choose my experience every day. I can choose to wake up every morning and feel purposeful, joyful, gracious, connected, abundant, forgiving, grateful, healthy and empowered. I'd like to think the energy I create with this perspective contributes in a bigger way to the world around me, to making us all stronger and better.

As I remember that the point of power is in the present moment, and that small steps often lead to big leaps, no matter what happens outside of my control, I can make decisions that ripple into my future. We do, indeed, live in interesting times, and it takes all of us doing what we do best to make the world a better place. During the holiday break, I (finally) read Man's Search for Meaning -- an amazing story of the human spirit and what we're capable of. We all have the power to choose, no matter what.

My word, or theme, this year? I'm leaning toward imagine, as in, imagine the possibilities, or spaciousness and expansion. I want to nurture my imagination and daydream more to create the world I want to live in. And then, "be the change". Creating a vision for what's possible is always more powerful than replaying the past, or creating a future based on previous experience. I'm not looking for more of the same...

What about you? What do you do to usher in the new year? Do you have a word or theme?

A sampling from my vision board.
 It's a legendary year.
I have a great job that allows me to express my talents and abilities.
My blessings are unlimited and they fuel big ideas, have staying power,
and the good news just doesn't stop. I am mindful, yet expansive,
and I know doing the little things counts. I'm connected to collective wisdom,
making the world a better place.
Together we create a brighter tomorrow. 

Toolkit for living: gratitude and forgiveness

It's Thanksgiving week, and while in some ways it seems like the world is falling apart, there's much to be thankful for in my small piece of it. I often hear, you create what you focus on. If indeed that's true, it bodes well for all of us to focus on what's working, and what we want more of, although sometimes that's easier said than done.  


We have no blueprint for living...

...just good tools.

No matter how well we plan, or how clear our goals, we still just make it up, each one of us, every day. I have no doubt we all aim to do the best we can, and we make the best of the circumstances that shape and change us. Each day presents a new opportunity to start again.

Some schools of thought say we ask for these experiences before we take our mortal form, that we choose our families and the lessons we want to learn. Others say we're not given more than we can handle, or that it's the painful experiences from which we build more character. Still others say we create our circumstances, that everything we experience comes from our choices, even when those choices are unconscious.

We create what we focus on. 

While 'creating what we focus on' is not completely straightforward, good tools can make a difference. They help us get past those unconscious beliefs that direct our choices, or move us beyond our challenges.

Today I'm fretting because I don't always live up to my own moral code, although I do my best every day. Today, I regret a minor violation of integrity, one of my essential values. So, while I owned my stuff and 'fessed up, I am still spinning and beating myself up, temporarily forgetting all the good in my world.

This isn't what I want to focus on. So, how to move on? I have tools, new tools, that are better than my old tools to help me get off the hamster wheel in my head, and again focus on the good. I'm sharing them here so maybe they'll help you, too.


Gratitude

Writing a gratitude list has been a daily practice for some years now, but thanks to a class I'm taking, I've learned another way. I now have a 'gratitude partner', someone with whom I  exchange messages about all I'm grateful for each day. This is different than the journal entries I'm used to making, where I acknowledge just the good. This list includes anything that came up that had power or emotion around it. I reframe mine to see the lesson, but you don't have to. Just owning your experience and being grateful is enough.

Today I'm grateful for the awareness that my behavior, while unintentional, was less than stellar, and that I can do things differently in the future. 

The only rules: write what's meaningful, don't respond, just read and witness. This is really powerful and I invite you to try it.


Bless, Forgive, Release


My inner mean girl is much harder on me than anyone else. A recent workshop provided this new tool for letting go. So now, when that damned wheel in my head goes on overdrive and I'm berating myself, or if I feel angry, resentful, or frustrated with someone and I continue to spin,  I can say:

I bless you, I forgive you, I release you. 

Depending on the issue or the person, I may say it once, or a thousand times a day for weeks at a time. Say it anytime the feeling comes up until it weakens and dissipates. While it's always felt odd to me to say I bless something, because, well, who am I to bless anything... but why not? Especially if it works.

These are just two of my new tools for living, and in the short time I've used them, they've already made a difference.

Our greater good...  

These tools can and do apply to what's happening in our wider world. Those of us in the US who feel like things couldn't be worse, politically, have a lot of work to do in the years ahead, and we have to be clear headed and effective. Right now we're a nation divided, and we aren't looking for common ground. It feels too painful, too personal. And on some levels, it is personal. But this fight isn't just ours, individually. There are many of us, now more than ever, united in what we believe is right and just.

So what do we focus on? 

Anger and fear can be motivating, but they can also eat us alive from the inside out. I don't want to live in fear, nor always come from anger. I don't know if I can ever understand those who are so politically different, who spew rhetoric so hateful I feel physically ill, but I have to focus on where I can make a difference and what I can do, rather than what I can't. I have to trust that in the big scheme of things, we'll find a silver lining. We can't change what we can't see, and now, nothing is hidden. Perhaps it's some crazy blessing that we'll only understand in hindsight. Something I do know? Good prevails. Maybe not immediately. But always.

Truly, there's a lot to be thankful for. With gratitude and forgiveness, the impossible somehow becomes possible.

Credit for these new tools goes to Amazing Grace, a Center for Spiritual Living affiliate.

Locker room wisdom

To borrow from Gretchern Rubin, 
author of The Happiness Project, 
my reminder to Be Laura. Life works 
so much better when I get out of my head. 

"You have to recast it. You have to do it for the women and girls who come later."

Sarah and I were chatting in the locker room tonight about how women are conditioned or socialized to second guess ourselves, to somehow devalue ourselves, or otherwise feel and act 'less than' and hold ourselves back.

Prior to a recent job interview, she suggested I watch Amy Cuddy's TedTalk on shaping our confidence by adjusting our body language. Our stance can increase or decrease our testosterone and cortisol, which affect how we project confidence--in just two minutes! Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In also speaks to this, writing "fake it till you feel it" by assuming a high-power pose.

Sarah and I know each other only in passing, usually coming or going from the pool. Still, I'm glad to know her. Her advice was well-timed; I watched the talk and stood a little taller at my interview.

Tonight, I mentioned that I thought my interview went well. I genuinely liked everyone I met and how they conducted the interview process; I'm confident I'd not only excel in the job, but thrive, and I'd love to do it. It's a huge opportunity to make a difference, and I feel like I'm a good fit in every way. And, I have no way to gauge the outcome. I find myself fighting back old beliefs about self-worth, what I deserve, and projecting what others might think. It's time for a mental reboot.

Recast your story... 

Sarah's recasting her own story--for herself, her daughter, and those who come after. "I applied for an award, and I didn't think I'd get it. I told everyone I wouldn't get it. And I got it." I don't know what Sarah does for work; another frequent swimmer once mentioned she's a researcher at a local university. She wasn't going to apply; her coworkers encouraged her, saying if she couldn't do it for herself, she had to do it for others. For them. For those who come after. To make it easier or even possible.

What she said next makes so much sense: We'll do anything for others, especially those who may be at a disadvantage, like children or aging parents. We'll step out of what's comfortable, take a risk, speak out, speak up on their behalf.

So... here's the reframe: What if we take a risk on our own behalf because it paves the way for those who follow? If it's hard to do something for ourselves, can we find a way to do it because, ultimately, helping ourselves helps others, either directly or indirectly? It's a bit like the airplane mask analogy, or like paying forward, or living well by doing good. By recasting our inner dialogue so that taking a risk or speaking out on our own behalf benefits another, somehow it becomes easier, whether applying for an award, negotiating a salary increase, or lobbying for ourselves to land that just-right job. The playing field still isn't equal, but if we can put ourselves out there a little more each day, we'll get closer.


...and cast out old beliefs


I recognize those old beliefs no longer serve me, and I am recasting those, too. Casting them out, in fact. They are untrue stories, learned a lifetime ago. I am worthy and deserving, because I am. No more, no less. Hands on hips, head held high, eyes ahead, I've got this. I get it. I'm on it.


Addendum: This post was written prior to the released Trump tape that he described as "locker room talk". I do have a few things to say about that, but I'll save that for later. 

Stripped naked

I'm not sure who I am right now. Or who we are, collectively.

What if you scream and nobody hears? 

Yesterday, I dropped Forrest off at the airport, where he caught a plane to Singapore to meet a ship for an as-yet undetermined amount of time. He'll see ports in China, Korea, Sri Lanka and Pakistan. So that's one thing. He's my rock, my partner, my confidant, my playmate, my buddy. The good news is he's working. The bad news is he's away for a long period to do it. He's been home for over a year and right now, I feel like part of me is missing. This, too, will pass, but right now it's a void and I don't know which way is up. This is his career choice, we have shared goals, we've done this before, and I know I'll find my groove, but this is the first time he's left when I haven't had a place to go each weekday.

...feeling vulnerable

This morning, when I signed in to Washington Unemployment to make my weekly claim, I saw I missed last week with the newness of Forrest's pending departure, and I'll have to re-open my claim. Going to that site every week is hard enough; while I am grateful for benefits, anxiety takes hold each time I sign on. Re-opening my claim, with the possibility of having to contact them, raises that anxiety up a notch or three. And, those benefits? They don't last long in the big scheme of things, and I'm getting closer to my cut-off date, with not many job prospects. To say I'm a little uncomfortable might be an understatement. I have savings, but I'd rather not tap into them, a little bit of debt from both of us not working for a while, and frankly, I don't want to settle for just any job.

I'm not sure where I fit. I've never been your average corporate ladder-climber. Yet I have paid my dues in non-profit and I'm not sure that's where I want to be right now. I have laid the groundwork for good work: I have multiple resumes, tailored for companies, industries and job type, a cover letter that lands me interviews, solid references and people who say great things about me and my work, had coffee meetings and lunches, reached out by way of LinkedIn to people I know and countless people I don't but who do interesting work, attended networking and association meetings, sat with the unknown for internal guidance (not sure how this is working for me), and applied for jobs online.

That's a coupl'a things.

Then there's the rest of the world. It feels like it's falling apart. Do things have to fall apart to get better? There are schools of thought that say so.


...and yet, privilege... 


This morning, while scrolling through Facebook on the micro-screen of my phone, I read a post by our former county executive (a long-time elected official) and high-ranking national HUD representative, about what it means to be black, even here.

Despite my personal quandaries, I know I benefit from privilege, purely by luck of the draw. I am white, was born in a largely white city, live in a somewhat middle-class neighborhood, in the mostly progressive bubble of Cascadia. His post reminded me how vastly different my experience is. I have worked with people of varying ethnicities, many who are first generation immigrants from different countries, and I have befriended people who are culturally and racially different from me my entire life. So while I hear their stories, I am always astounded. If life sometimes feels hard for me, I can't imagine what it must be like to leave home every day wondering what fate -- or our failed processes and systems -- may have in store for you. Most white people don't understand privilege (some even deny it), or how they benefit. I'm not sure I do, either, because I can't walk in the shoes of those whose experience is so different -- but I do know it exists, and I understand that I benefit and it's not even a choice. I know I can say things like, "I don't want to settle for just any job" when so many don't have that option.

...still, there's bias... 

And, I am a woman. A blog post in my in-box this morning brought the recent Stanford rape case back to the foreground. The swimmer who got his hand slapped after being convicted makes me gag. I keep hoping things will change. There is so much more awareness now, and women are speaking out and banding together like never before against rape, assault, misogyny, and more, free to own their sexuality in ways I couldn't as a teen and young adult, and yet, this. Patriarchal culture is still alive and well.

Feeling small, but hopeful. 

I don't have answers. Our former police chief, Norm Stamper, has a new book that speaks to possibilities (read about it in this Crosscut article). Empathy and compassion are essential to changing who we are, individually and collectively. But do we have the will, the desire, to change? The willingness to own our fear? To acknowledge our perceptions might be wrong? To forfeit privilege and power? Even at work, at a micro-level, I witnessed how hard it was for people to let go of or even share privilege and power, to even acknowledge it exists. Brene Brown talks about 'hope' in Daring Greatly. I have hope. And I'm lucky to have that. Many don't.

But right now, I feel naked. Alone. Vulnerable. Unsure of next steps to help myself and to help the collective "us".  I want to be part of the solution. To make a difference for people and the planet. But I'm not sure what that is. How to bring more awareness and understanding to those who are afraid, feel powerless, when I feel afraid and powerless to even help myself some days. What I I know is I'm resilient, creative, and resourceful, and I'll find my way.

I just wish I had answers. For me, and for us.

In our differences we grow, in our sameness we connect. 

When a parent dies...

The life cycle of a yellow rose. 

Sometimes, life kicks you in the ass, makes you re-evaluate and re-assess, see things, people and places differently...

My father-in-law, Del, took his last breath just after midnight east coast time. My partner Forrest was there, along with other members of the family. Del was diagnosed with throat and lung cancer earlier this spring, but didn't share that news because he was caring for his long-time partner, Dotty, who had Alzheimer's and preceded him in death by just a few weeks.

Del and Forrest's mom Okay divorced when Forrest was just four-years-old. While he and his siblings spent their summers with their dad in the north Georgia mountains, as an adult, Forrest wasn't close to him, despite a solid resemblance, a shared countenance and caustic wit. Del wasn't much of a 'dad' to his first family, never really taking responsibility. When still married to their mom, they moved a lot, as Del was a prospector looking for gold from the deep southeast to northern Alaska. The family story goes: he finally found it in the tourists who pass through Helen, Georgia, the country's first gold rush town. There he opened Duke's Creek Mines, a gold and precious gem panning business, along with the adjacent Heidi Hotel. I met him on two occasions, one of which was a long weekend visit many years ago with several shared meals and conversations. It was clear he was a man of few words, significant intellect, strong opinions, good humor, and a resilience about him that makes his death at 71 seem implausible.

Death is a funny thing no matter who it is that passes from this mortal coil. Funny in that it's the only real constant other than change (even taxes can be evaded...) but yet, it's something most of us don't plan for, don't really talk about, nor even actually expect, for ourselves or others. The death of a parent is often, but not always, devastating. Yet no matter the circumstances, it's one of the more significant changes each of us will experience in our lives; with it comes a different level of complexity, especially if the relationship was complicated or after a lengthy illness.

I'm not presumptuous enough to think I understand someone else's experience, and I certainly can't know what Del's family will go through. But I do know the death of a parent changes us, even if the relationship is strained. We are different. It has the capacity to bring families closer together or sever ties. It can shift our priorities and show us what's important. Mostly, it tends to bring us up-close and personal with our own mortality, our own shortcomings, our own unmet desires and regrets. It can show us, and those close to us, parts of ourselves and each other that weren't previously visible -- like the tenderness Del showed Dot, and unfamiliar or long-denied or hidden feelings that bubble from below the surface.

When my mom died, time stopped. I felt like I had a tattoo that read "mom died" on my forehead, as if this was a rite of passage that had to be marked. In between waves of grief, there's shock (at least, for a death unexpected), which is a useful thing as there are immediate decisions to be made and a laundry list of things to do. It's after all the 'things that must be done' are behind us that the reality sets in and processing begins.

Unless you're firmly in denial and prone to stuffing feelings, that's where introspection really kicks in. I went through many of the grief stages (although I find the traditional definitions of each stage lacking): anger, denial, remorse, sadness, and finally came to acceptance, despite a lingering void. But what often isn't among those official stages about grieving is relief. With her death, my mom was released from her suffering and sadness.

Grief and the time it takes to move through it -- and we do move through -- is different for all of us, but it's something we'll all experience. And from the other side of loss, I know it's worth the journey. Painful experiences can suck beyond comprehension, and many of us try to avoid them, or at least, the feelings that accompany them.

Dive in...  

Without these challenging times, we'd never experience nor understand the full spectrum of love and joy, gain empathy, nor even enjoy those quiet moments of contentment. And I believe those who left their imprint -- good and bad -- are with us always, whether from a spiritual, soul connection or a practical, in-our-DNA perspective; they help us become our best selves, even if it's "don't do as I did".

Our parents give us life, and while the best of them give us tools for living and help us become healthy, functional adults, some of us get there despite our families. And that's OK. By the time we reach a certain age, no matter our upbringing, we can be grateful, thank them and even acknowledge them for their own shortcomings. We can embrace ourselves and cherish our relationships from a place of compassion, connection and love that we may not have been able to before, even as we pine for what might have been had those relationships been different. And with their transition from this earthly plane, we can take deeper meaning from the lessons they proffered, perhaps unwittingly, and honor them by living our own lives fully, and being present to our daily experience.

Del never knew what great kids he had. Every one of them is a talented, creative, funny and extremely capable adult. I don't know if he had the depth of understanding to feel that loss. That might be the saddest thing of all.

6 things not to say to a job seeker

Breathing space... 

Chances are, you know someone who's looking for a job. Don't we all? Gone are the days when someone stays at a job long enough to retire. And while many leave by choice, countless more leave when companies reorganize, restructure or downsize.

That's where I am, along with 300+ of my former coworkers. Our layoff -- 10 percent across the board -- took place over the better part of a year, so we're all in different stages of looking for work. And some jobs are easier to find than others. Many areas in tech are in demand here in the northwest, so if that's your gig, you're likely golden. But for some of us in tighter fields, it takes longer. I thought I'd have a job by now, four months into this, and while I've landed some interviews, I haven't yet landed a job.

Well-meaning, misguided... 

So does that mean I'm a slacker? Not doing enough? Not willing to pursue any job? You'd think so, based on some of the questions I've been asked or comments I've heard, even though I know they're well-meaning. So for those of you who have friends, family or acquaintances looking for work, here are a few tips of what to say and not say.

1. You haven't found a job yet? Well, no. This question implies the job seeker isn't doing enough, or isn't doing something 'right.' Better might be, "How's the job search coming?" "Anything I can do?" 
2. Are there other things you could do... / ...can you do something else... / ...have you thought about...? Well, yes, and I am broadening my scope. But resumes must be targeted to posted job descriptions, and updating every resume to reflect a tweak in direction takes time. And while I am always open to ideas, and it's possible I haven't thought of yours (and I appreciate your perspective), likely, by this point, I have. If I appear weary, I apologize. 
3. Can't you just get any job for now? Well, no. It doesn't work that way anymore. There was a time where a job seeker could peruse the 'help wanted' ads, see something that looked interesting, say, "I could do that" -- and potentially go get that job. I suppose a version of that still happens now, although I suspect it's not that quick and would happen through a network, not an ad where the job is posted and the company is ready to hire. But it begs the question, is it worth it? If you need work because having money coming in is imperative at that exact moment, then yes. That may mean you're working holiday retail, and there's nothing wrong with that. But that said, because there's so much competition for jobs, companies tend to hire those with the experience they need now. It could take just as much effort to get the job you don't really want.  
4. Have you tried (company x, hottest company around). Well, yes. And so has everyone else. I am one of countless others vying for few positions. I am optimistic and realistic. 
5. It's harder to find work when you get to be a certain age / over x age. If I hear this one more time, I might poke my eyes out. Or theirs. Whether or not there's truth to the age-related myth for job seekers, I don't want to perpetuate that in my thinking or actions. I am still very employable, with great skills and ideas, good energy, and wisdom and experience that take time to acquire, like good judgment. Sure, there are a lot of great applicants younger than me, but we all bring something different to the workplace, and as I've stated in a previous post, there's room for all of us out there. 
6. Isn't it great to have time off? Well, kind of. Except it really isn't time off. There's an ever-present anxiety about finding work. I have more sleepless nights than not. All those questions above? If you think we don't ask ourselves those same questions, think again. At some point, they all wander through the internal dialogue. Yes, I'm able to go grocery shopping, run errands, work out or have coffee with friends in the middle of the day, but as we've all heard, finding a job is a full-time job. And looking for work typically takes a lot of energy and effort, which can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting.  

Honestly, I want the right job, not just any job, so I aim to be strategic with my search. While the foundations of a search are the same (LinkedIn profile, resume, talk to people!), each of us has our own process we need to accept and honor. We spend a lot of time in our places of employment and finding the right culture and experience fit is essential. I don't want to find myself back in a job search within the next year because I settled. At least, not if I don't have to.

That's not to say I'm unwilling to stretch; I absolutely am. I do know I've succumbed unwittingly to the pattern: men apply when their skills match 30 percent of a job description; women apply with about an 80 percent match (these numbers may not be 100 percent accurate but they're close). Duly noted, and I'll work on this. 

Listen, empathize, connect

So if you want to help your job seeker friend / family member / acquaintance, here are some suggestions: 

• Listen and put on your empathy hat. If you haven't been in this position, you may not have a frame of reference, especially if you haven't been in this position in the last 10 or even five years. Much has changed for the job seeker. Don't judge if they haven't found work within what seems to you like a reasonable amount of time. Slackers are few and far between. Finding the right job takes time. 
• Offer contacts. Who do you know that might be helpful? We all know people who have jobs and work for companies of all types and sizes. Whether or not they're hiring, or in a position to hire, connections are what often land the job. While the 'hidden job market' is apparently a myth, having contacts in the right places at the right time can make the difference. The industry I work in is built around relationships. 
• Be mindful. Not everyone wants to work, or would be a good fit, for company x -- the one 'everyone' wants to work for. Don't be offended if the job seeker doesn't respond favorably to every suggestion or idea. However, if you know someone, or know someone who knows someone, conversations are always worth having. Make an introduction. 

A job seeker's work space

If you've heard other questions, comments or have suggestions to add, by all means please include them in the comments. 

Onward, to that next right job!

With gratitude, 

How does your garden grow?

Since this started as a gardening blog (oh, so long ago, it seems), there might be a few of you who want to see the state of things. So here are some recent pictures.

While this blog morphed into something completely different, the garden remains a constant and, at times, a saving grace. Forrest and I have met many amazing people -- some still friends now, even though they're no longer gardening -- through Urban Garden Share, including Diane and Michael, our current garden companions. They insist that gardening comes first, work second (so much to learn from them!).

What a gift to pick fresh produce for a dinner salad, or saute' some bitter greens, or taste the sweetest, freshest, pea from a vine. There's even some cat mint for the little white cat. Our soil is second to none, so I know we're taking care of our wee spot on the planet.

First impressions: Our whole, real selves

What if I showed up to an interview wearing my
favorite shoes, instead of shiny new pumps,
and we focused on the work that needed
to get done and how I could help? 

What if we could bring our whole, real selves to everything we do? There's a lot of chatter these days about bringing our whole selves to work. The separation of work and home required for so long seems to have finally gone the way of the double-breasted suit and pantyhose, at least in many workplaces. Couldn't happen soon enough!!

But what about interviews? I ask this as I navigate my job search. The process feels much like a game, and there are those who are better at playing than others. I think it's easier for extroverts, of which I no longer call myself. I straddle that introvert / extrovert fence now, and with each passing year, lean more heavily toward introvert. Better to observe, listen, assess, advise - those skills that make me good at what I do, but not as good at marketing myself.

I haven't been shy about stating this previously: I have long felt the corporate environment to be largely unhealthy. While I think that's changing (in some cases) as society changes -- people like me working inside the system for more humanity and authenticity, younger workers with different expectations of what work should be and do, technology revving up the pace of it all... Yet the world of interviewing hasn't changed much, except it's more competitive, and includes applicants and interviewers from all generations.

Here's the thing I'm unsettled by. I'm not just "iPhone smart" as an acquaintance put it. I am older, more experienced now, with creativity, energy and insights to spare, yet it seems as though many talented job seekers younger than me benefit from assumptions about age. Not that there hasn't always been bias in the workplace / hiring sphere...

Aacck... and, as I write (and rewrite) this, checking myself on my own biases and assumptions about getting hired.

By nature of our generations, we have different skillsets and mindsets. We have different experiences that shape who we are. And all generations have value in today's workplace. Generalizations based on generations and first impressions mean a lot of organizations miss out on great people -- whether they're hiring for youthful idealism or aging wisdom, maturity and experience. We've all heard the assumptions about generations X, Y, millennials and boomers, and sure, some are true, but that's only a piece of our story...

Call me a pragmatic idealist

At this point in my life, I carry my idealism couched in pragmatism. It means I have great ideas, yet the ability to be effective, follow through and make things happen. I don't think I fit the stereotypes. I'm savvy, smart, learn quickly and pay attention to how things are changing and where we're (collective we) headed. But how many hiring managers get a sense of this through the current interview process?

My point about bringing our whole selves to everything we do is about our energy and true contribution. Had I worn those shoes pictured above, with the outfit I had on, my energy at a recent interview would have been entirely different. 

Mind you, I'm not suggesting we wear workout gear and flip flops to interviews. Unless it's a job that requires yoga pants -- and some do.  And I'll admit that seeing a stylist, having my make-up done, and shopping for some 'interview-worthy' outfits to 'feel more fresh and vibrant' has made the process a little bit more fun. But if that's how I'm going to be judged (because what does a hiring manager do if not judge; first impressions count!), it's disappointing.

What if rather than a guessing game, hiring managers shared the details of their culture even before meeting you, told you about the problems they're experiencing and need solving (I've yet to see a job posting that really does this), expected you to come as you are (just as they show up to interview you ... as they are), and clarified their needs and expectations right up front, rather than waiting for you to ask those 'questions that show you're interested' at the end of every interview? What if the process was a conversation about getting work done? An exchange of ideas to see how you'd really work together? The physical and creative energy in that setting would be so much more powerful.

To date, I feel like I'm preparing for finals without knowing more than a few generic questions. I am a storyteller of other people's stories; pre-canned 'accomplishment statements' to shout out my successes make me cringe.

All that said, attitude is everything. Confidence, competence, resilience... I have these in spades, and this process continues to build more. And I know when the right place and I find each other, none of the above will matter (except the shoes). We'll have a conversation, we'll all see the benefits, and everything will fall into place. Because that's how it works.

Onward.

Are you listening?

I awoke the other morning with a booming voice -- not mine -- in my head:

"Are you listening to me?" 

Good question. 

Hmmm... 

... listening now. 

Breathing. 

I have been busy being busy. I have been doing, not being. Trying to fill the space, the void. Not listening. It all feels important, and likely is, at least somewhat. And my job right now is, in part, to listen. To pay attention. That's where the good stuff resides. 

Ambiguity. That's where I need to be right now. Clarity will come if I let it. I don't want the same, I want what's next, what's better. Dream. Create. Expand. 

Onward.  

Forging a new path

((I'm not sure where the graphic accompanying
this quote originated but it's speaking to me so
thank you to whomever  I borrowed it from;
if credit is due, please let me know.)) 

Life is nothing if not a journey. I think we all know this by now.

I have written a lot about change on this blog; it seems I'm always in the midst of one change or another. You could say I'm an expert by now. At least at navigating my own.


So here I go again. 


This time I'm doing things a little differently, though; rather than reluctantly adapting (freelancing) or frantically driving (specific end goal), I'm working on the 'dream a new dream' part and embracing what's next as it shows up. I can't say I'm clear yet on where I'm headed. I'm still in the "be comfortable being uncomfortable" stage of not knowing.

That said, some of the puzzle pieces are starting to show themselves. The cover art and center pieces are still missing, but I'm getting a glimmer of the outer fringes. And I like what I see so far!

It's both exciting and scary (funny how these two emotions share physical sensations). I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said something like 'do something each day that scares you'. I have read variations of that lately, from several sources. This place where I am right now feels a little scary, every day, and rather than trying to fix it or make it go away, I am staying with it. Acknowledging it, naming it, allowing it to be.

I'll share more when I gain a bit more clarity and can articulate what's showing up.

Conversation, not knowing, and shifting gears

Spring hellebores - fresh, bright

Conversation. I am always amazed at the brilliance of just talking. That's part of what I love about coaching, but even through casual, random conversation, we can learn and see new possibilities. When we're connected, engaged and open-minded, things happen.

What comes from 'just talking' are awareness and clarity: new ideas, shared feelings, fresh thinking, and, for me, the understanding that we really are better together on this blue green planet.


New awareness

Right now, it's OK for me to not know what's next. I was reminded of this during a casual conversation while en route to a volunteer event.

With my job eliminated and no place to go each morning, my productive, corporate-trained brain is eager to be busy and feels anxious about what's next. I want to know where I'm headed, to be 'in action', to have a path, a next move.

Yet my creative, coach-trained, compassionate 'second' brain (that inner knowing, otherwise known as gut instinct) wants to slow down a little, shift gears, do something different, sit with, be with, see what bubbles to the surface. I am so much more than a cog in a corporate wheel; I have real gifts to offer the world, and I don't need 'a job' to do this. I'm in the fortunate place to not rush, to be able to explore, to sit with ambiguity.

How freeing to know I don't have to know. Even if I land another corporate role, I will do so mindfully.

Conversations are essential 

It's time for my introverted self to have more conversations. The fog that's enveloped me for weeks is finally lifting. The shift has begun and now I'm just curious to see what comes up. And... I don't have to know.

As my friend Sheryl asks in her email signature, quoting Mary Oliver, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

"...your one wild and precious life." Indeed.

I stated in an earlier post that my theme this year is 'invest' yet there's a place for 'wait and see'. What this means for me is being intentional about where, how and with whom I invest my time as I make space for what's next.

There is so much I don't know, so I'm staying open to something I may never have considered. There are many right answers, roads untraveled, and endless possibilities. I know countless people who have made big changes, as well as complete shifts, and are happier for it.

Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, suggests a person's level of success in life can often be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. Meaning, if you put yourself out there and talk with those you may seem unreachable, you may just find a connection and even an ally. So there's also that...

Lastly, from a lifetime-ago colleague, now life coach, in a recent email about looking back: If life only teaches you one thing, let it be that taking a passionate leap is always worth it.

Signs of new life: spring buds against a blue sky.

RIF: Closing a work life chapter

Truly, the only constant is change.

Shortly after my last blog post, I learned my job was eliminated and my work came to a sudden stop. Despite a premonition last spring, and a gut feel I wasn't able to shake for weeks, it's a little like hitting a brick wall at full speed; time shifts and I feel disoriented and disillusioned, as well as relieved and optimistic, all couched in a coat of anxiety.

"It's just business."

If I could change almost anything about the world of work, I'd start with changing some HR practices (as well as the name; human resources seems dated and inaccurate; what about employee services? or employee support? I digress...). Right now, my focus would be on how organizations facilitate change around something like this. It may be just business for an organization, but people's lives are affected.

I'm a lucky one; I'll be fine.

But major reductions happen regularly in the workplace, and I surmise they're more about budget than real, overarching strategy or change. Reports in all the business journals state that if you take care of people first -- be they employees or customers -- the bottom line improves. But I don't think most of our major organizations truly get that at a deep, transformational level. I hope I'm wrong.


"It's not performance..." 


Standard issue for a corporate reorganization these days is to ask employees to leave immediately, if not that hour, then that day. Performance isn't a factor, yet it still feels punitive and invalidating. I mentioned the layoff at a weekend dinner party, and those who'd experienced something similar said their first month following their last day felt like full-on PTSD, calling it wrong, disrespectful, and dehumanizing, despite severance packages and words of work well done.

Yep.

Here are my questions, not directed at anyone in particular as I think my boss and coworkers feel similarly, and I know without a doubt I did good work.

• What about trust? Until that fateful day, I was a trusted employee, coworker, friend. 
• What about closure? To wrapping up loose ends? Did none of my work matter? 
• How does this honor my contribution, my relationships, and even my coworkers? This affects them, too.

There's barely an acknowledgement, goodbyes, nor the fanfare afforded those who leave by choice, despite having worn the same "valued team member" label. No lunches, no cards, no group hugs. Even with transition support, an implied message is of wrong-doing.

Integrity is one of my top core values, along with loyalty and honesty, and right now my values feel impugned, and I feel a little betrayed, even though I know it's not personal. I think I would be much more OK with this if I'd been able to address those questions, to wrap up loose ends and respectfully exchange goodbyes.

I'm lucky, despite it all...  

Yet, I am not begrudging. I have many marketable skills, a solid network and a back-up plan (just in case). The "why me" question is a moot point (although I occasionally find myself asking it); it was time, it's complicated, and I don't need to address that here. I was and am ready for change. I know that at a gut level.   

I have much to be grateful for. I've grown personally and professionally in these nearly seven years in ways I couldn't have imagined. I have coworkers I care deeply about, and I trust we'll remain connected. I leave this job a very different person.

The world of work is changing, too, and I'm also ready for that. I have long believed that how we do business isn't the best for people nor planet, and the world is starting to reflect that belief even more. For now, I aim to be comfortable sitting with ambiguity and listening deeply to my inner voice. I will take some time to regroup, pay attention, be still, write, read and be present.

And when I'm ready, my intention is to be mindful and strategic about where I'm headed, what I'm doing, how I'm doing it and who's with me. I want to spend time with those who've chosen to do things differently, who are marching to their own proverbial drummer.

Lastly, here's a Liz Ryan post from Forbes about what we all deserve from a job besides a paycheck -- something else I'll pay attention to. And who knows... maybe I'll create something entirely different.

And with that, I close this chapter.

It's a new year... now what?

Blue world

For many, this is a time to make resolutions - things to accomplish throughout the year, or by an upcoming date. Often stated as goals, they're specific and potentially measurable, but they rarely address root issues, so they often fail. There's a lot of writing around the web about this, with a lot of "what to do instead" offerings.

One of the best I've read so far is by author and self-help guru Mark Manson, His recent, Your Goals are Overrated (NSFW or if you're easily offended by language), talks about developing habits rather than setting goals or making resolutions, and he offers six habits he considers worth cultivating: exercise, cooking, meditation, reading, writing and socializing. These all come with various benefits, both immediate and compounded.

Invest in you; you're worth it

My takeaway, though, is his distinction between spending and investing. And having read this, I've decided to have a theme for the year, and it's "invest". My time, my energy, my money. Everything. This is a really a mindset shift for me; while I'm not unfamiliar with investing, to think about so many things from this perspective suddenly makes so much sense. I may say more about this over the next few months.

Typically I take the first few weeks of the year to reflect on the year prior and imagine, dream and set intentions for the year ahead. I know big changes are coming, and they're probably even overdue. But I haven't yet taken the time these first couple weeks of the year.

Because ... time... that's one thing I anticipate having more of soon.

As I reflect, I recognize that sometimes we have to cut our losses and move on. Circumstances and people change, and we often don't have control over what changes around us. But we can control how we respond, and as I just mentioned to my cousin who's having to deal with a family issue that shouldn't be, we can make ourselves insane trying to make sense of things nonsensical. It's not worth it.

I've learned that what happens in our lives is often an opportunity to grow, and while hindsight usually illuminates this, it's not always easy in the moment. However, my fears are usually unfounded or carry no weight. I don't have to create meaning where there isn't any, because the meaning I create isn't usually in my best interest. Mindfulness is important when change is imminent and I am paying attention, reflecting and planning.

Onward. Upward. ... Invest. In my well-being, my intellectual pursuits, relationships, creating my future... the list of what to explore is long, but it is also intentional.