First impressions: Our whole, real selves

What if I showed up to an interview wearing my
favorite shoes, instead of shiny new pumps,
and we focused on the work that needed
to get done and how I could help? 

What if we could bring our whole, real selves to everything we do? There's a lot of chatter these days about bringing our whole selves to work. The separation of work and home required for so long seems to have finally gone the way of the double-breasted suit and pantyhose, at least in many workplaces. Couldn't happen soon enough!!

But what about interviews? I ask this as I navigate my job search. The process feels much like a game, and there are those who are better at playing than others. I think it's easier for extroverts, of which I no longer call myself. I straddle that introvert / extrovert fence now, and with each passing year, lean more heavily toward introvert. Better to observe, listen, assess, advise - those skills that make me good at what I do, but not as good at marketing myself.

I haven't been shy about stating this previously: I have long felt the corporate environment to be largely unhealthy. While I think that's changing (in some cases) as society changes -- people like me working inside the system for more humanity and authenticity, younger workers with different expectations of what work should be and do, technology revving up the pace of it all... Yet the world of interviewing hasn't changed much, except it's more competitive, and includes applicants and interviewers from all generations.

Here's the thing I'm unsettled by. I'm not just "iPhone smart" as an acquaintance put it. I am older, more experienced now, with creativity, energy and insights to spare, yet it seems as though many talented job seekers younger than me benefit from assumptions about age. Not that there hasn't always been bias in the workplace / hiring sphere...

Aacck... and, as I write (and rewrite) this, checking myself on my own biases and assumptions about getting hired.

By nature of our generations, we have different skillsets and mindsets. We have different experiences that shape who we are. And all generations have value in today's workplace. Generalizations based on generations and first impressions mean a lot of organizations miss out on great people -- whether they're hiring for youthful idealism or aging wisdom, maturity and experience. We've all heard the assumptions about generations X, Y, millennials and boomers, and sure, some are true, but that's only a piece of our story...

Call me a pragmatic idealist

At this point in my life, I carry my idealism couched in pragmatism. It means I have great ideas, yet the ability to be effective, follow through and make things happen. I don't think I fit the stereotypes. I'm savvy, smart, learn quickly and pay attention to how things are changing and where we're (collective we) headed. But how many hiring managers get a sense of this through the current interview process?

My point about bringing our whole selves to everything we do is about our energy and true contribution. Had I worn those shoes pictured above, with the outfit I had on, my energy at a recent interview would have been entirely different. 

Mind you, I'm not suggesting we wear workout gear and flip flops to interviews. Unless it's a job that requires yoga pants -- and some do.  And I'll admit that seeing a stylist, having my make-up done, and shopping for some 'interview-worthy' outfits to 'feel more fresh and vibrant' has made the process a little bit more fun. But if that's how I'm going to be judged (because what does a hiring manager do if not judge; first impressions count!), it's disappointing.

What if rather than a guessing game, hiring managers shared the details of their culture even before meeting you, told you about the problems they're experiencing and need solving (I've yet to see a job posting that really does this), expected you to come as you are (just as they show up to interview you ... as they are), and clarified their needs and expectations right up front, rather than waiting for you to ask those 'questions that show you're interested' at the end of every interview? What if the process was a conversation about getting work done? An exchange of ideas to see how you'd really work together? The physical and creative energy in that setting would be so much more powerful.

To date, I feel like I'm preparing for finals without knowing more than a few generic questions. I am a storyteller of other people's stories; pre-canned 'accomplishment statements' to shout out my successes make me cringe.

All that said, attitude is everything. Confidence, competence, resilience... I have these in spades, and this process continues to build more. And I know when the right place and I find each other, none of the above will matter (except the shoes). We'll have a conversation, we'll all see the benefits, and everything will fall into place. Because that's how it works.

Onward.

Conversation, not knowing, and shifting gears

Spring hellebores - fresh, bright

Conversation. I am always amazed at the brilliance of just talking. That's part of what I love about coaching, but even through casual, random conversation, we can learn and see new possibilities. When we're connected, engaged and open-minded, things happen.

What comes from 'just talking' are awareness and clarity: new ideas, shared feelings, fresh thinking, and, for me, the understanding that we really are better together on this blue green planet.


New awareness

Right now, it's OK for me to not know what's next. I was reminded of this during a casual conversation while en route to a volunteer event.

With my job eliminated and no place to go each morning, my productive, corporate-trained brain is eager to be busy and feels anxious about what's next. I want to know where I'm headed, to be 'in action', to have a path, a next move.

Yet my creative, coach-trained, compassionate 'second' brain (that inner knowing, otherwise known as gut instinct) wants to slow down a little, shift gears, do something different, sit with, be with, see what bubbles to the surface. I am so much more than a cog in a corporate wheel; I have real gifts to offer the world, and I don't need 'a job' to do this. I'm in the fortunate place to not rush, to be able to explore, to sit with ambiguity.

How freeing to know I don't have to know. Even if I land another corporate role, I will do so mindfully.

Conversations are essential 

It's time for my introverted self to have more conversations. The fog that's enveloped me for weeks is finally lifting. The shift has begun and now I'm just curious to see what comes up. And... I don't have to know.

As my friend Sheryl asks in her email signature, quoting Mary Oliver, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

"...your one wild and precious life." Indeed.

I stated in an earlier post that my theme this year is 'invest' yet there's a place for 'wait and see'. What this means for me is being intentional about where, how and with whom I invest my time as I make space for what's next.

There is so much I don't know, so I'm staying open to something I may never have considered. There are many right answers, roads untraveled, and endless possibilities. I know countless people who have made big changes, as well as complete shifts, and are happier for it.

Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, suggests a person's level of success in life can often be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. Meaning, if you put yourself out there and talk with those you may seem unreachable, you may just find a connection and even an ally. So there's also that...

Lastly, from a lifetime-ago colleague, now life coach, in a recent email about looking back: If life only teaches you one thing, let it be that taking a passionate leap is always worth it.

Signs of new life: spring buds against a blue sky.