Shortly after my last blog post, I learned my job was eliminated and my work came to a sudden stop. Despite a premonition last spring, and a gut feel I wasn't able to shake for weeks, it's a little like hitting a brick wall at full speed; time shifts and I feel disoriented and disillusioned, as well as relieved and optimistic, all couched in a coat of anxiety.
"It's just business."
If I could change almost anything about the world of work, I'd start with changing some HR practices (as well as the name; human resources seems dated and inaccurate; what about employee services? or employee support? I digress...). Right now, my focus would be on how organizations facilitate change around something like this. It may be just business for an organization, but people's lives are affected.
I'm a lucky one; I'll be fine.
But major reductions happen regularly in the workplace, and I surmise they're more about budget than real, overarching strategy or change. Reports in all the business journals state that if you take care of people first -- be they employees or customers -- the bottom line improves. But I don't think most of our major organizations truly get that at a deep, transformational level. I hope I'm wrong.
"It's not performance..."
Standard issue for a corporate reorganization these days is to ask employees to leave immediately, if not that hour, then that day. Performance isn't a factor, yet it still feels punitive and invalidating. I mentioned the layoff at a weekend dinner party, and those who'd experienced something similar said their first month following their last day felt like full-on PTSD, calling it wrong, disrespectful, and dehumanizing, despite severance packages and words of work well done.
Yep.
Here are my questions, not directed at anyone in particular as I think my boss and coworkers feel similarly, and I know without a doubt I did good work.
- What about trust? Until that fateful day, I was a trusted employee, coworker, friend.
- What about closure? To wrapping up loose ends? Did none of my work matter?
- How does this honor my contribution, my relationships, and even my coworkers? This affects them, too.
Integrity is one of my top core values, along with loyalty and honesty, and right now my values feel impugned, and I feel a little betrayed, even though I know it's not personal. I think I would be much more OK with this if I'd been able to address those questions, to wrap up loose ends and respectfully exchange goodbyes.
I'm lucky, despite it all...
Yet, I am not begrudging. I have many marketable skills, a solid network and a back-up plan (just in case). The "why me" question is a moot point (although I occasionally find myself asking it); it was time, it's complicated, and I don't need to address that here. I was and am ready for change. I know that at a gut level.
I have much to be grateful for. I've grown personally and professionally in these nearly seven years in ways I couldn't have imagined. I have coworkers I care deeply about, and I trust we'll remain connected. I leave this job a very different person.
The world of work is changing, too, and I'm also ready for that. I have long believed that how we do business isn't the best for people nor planet, and the world is starting to reflect that belief even more. For now, I aim to be comfortable sitting with ambiguity and listening deeply to my inner voice. I will take some time to regroup, pay attention, be still, write, read and be present.
And when I'm ready, my intention is to be mindful and strategic about where I'm headed, what I'm doing, how I'm doing it and who's with me. I want to spend time with those who've chosen to do things differently, who are marching to their own proverbial drummer.
Lastly, here's a Liz Ryan post from Forbes about what we all deserve from a job besides a paycheck -- something else I'll pay attention to. And who knows... maybe I'll create something entirely different.
And with that, I close this chapter.
Thoughtful and insightful post Laura. The bullet points say it all. There's definitely a needed update on HR practices, as there are more humane ways to transition a valued and trustworthy employee so they don't feel isolated and disillusioned. You want employees, even those who are in transition, to feel confident in their skills and contributions.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Michelle. I appreciate hearing that. There really are better ways to do this. Thanks for reading and commenting, too.
ReplyDeletePowerful and insightful perspective on a stressful "rite of passage" for too many!
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