The point of power

You have the power to change, right where you are, in the present moment...

For some, the word 'mantra' applies to meditation; mantras used for this are usually common and help quiet the mind's non-stop parade of thoughts. I call my guiding principles mantras because that's often the purpose they serve—quotes and phrases that randomly show up in my life and stick because they're useful, and get repeated regularly. 

I'm a long-time fan of Louise Hay. I read her book, You Can Heal Your Life, around it's original publish date. While I can't vouch for all the correlations she makes, she popularized the idea of the mind / body connection, and several of her quotes embedded themselves in my brain's deep recesses at an early age.  

I didn't intentionally memorize these. They settled in over the years, unwittingly, and now surface at relevant moments in time. They help me solve problems, guide my actions, and keep me focused. 

Ken Keyes Handbook to Higher Consciousness, a book I read in a college sociology class, offered one: I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in what they need for their growth. 

I have repeated this more times than I can count, and I've shared it with others who also find it useful. It's like the gift that keeps giving; it keeps me sane, helps me be clear on where I'm responsible and where I'm not, and allows others to have their experience without me getting in the way.  

Be present...

However, the one mantra I say more than any other is from Louise: The point of power is in the present moment. 

Meaning, we only have this moment, right now, right here. We can't change the past, and we can't see the future. We have what's immediately in front of us. 

Choose wisely...

A coaching premise is that we are all "at choice" even though we're often not conscious of this. Not making a choice, or a decision, is also a choice; we're just not usually happy with what shows up when we abdicate our options. That's why it's important to aim for increased mindfulness and being intentional about what we do every day. For example:  

• What decision or choice can you make right now to get the results you want? 
• What one thing can you do to support the life you long for? 
• What step must you take in this moment to move toward your goals? 
• Does the thought you're thinking right now help or hinder, empower or disapprove? 
• Do your current actions lead you where you want to go? 

Every moment offers a new opportunity to do something different. If you don't like the direction you're headed, you can change it. If you aren't happy with something in your life, redirect it. If what's in your head is a better foe than friend, change your thoughts (more Louise: change your thoughts, change your life). 

Stay present. Be conscious. If you have trouble staying present, stop and breathe. A few deep breaths will bring you back into your body and take you out of your head, and place you right where you need to be—in the present moment.  


Inclusive, not exclusive...  

And, because it's more important than ever right now, and in our collective conscious, for those who would suggest I check my privilege, I'm blatantly aware of my good fortune: to be born in this particular pocket of North America at this particular time in history, among other advantages, it's relatively easy for me to say these things—and I also know that while much, much harder for many, changing your circumstances isn't impossible, even though I know it can seem that way. For some, the idea of choice isn't even a reality. But that doesn't make it untrue.

I have much to be grateful for, including this awareness. Because of this, I help others find their path and guide them toward change. What a better world we'd live in if we were all able to recognize the power we have in the present moment of our own lives.  

Thanks for being here. 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

6 tips to find your flow when you're not feeling it

We all have days when life feels harder than it should be. 

Every moment feels clunky, projects are full of fits and starts, nothing quite comes together. Frustration might be a little high, patience a little thin. Creativity is stymied. We're discontent--our bodies heavy, our minds unclear.

There's no flow. 

You know it doesn't have to be this way... isn't usually this way. You know what "being in the flow" feels like, and ... sigh ... wouldn't it be nice if you could be there now? 

The 1990 bestseller, Flow, describes it as optimal experience, a state of consciousness producing genuine satisfaction. It's not what happens to us that shapes our experience, but instead it's how we respond, or what we make it mean (the stories we tell ourselves). Flow underscores our happiness. When we're in flow, time disappears. When we're not, the clock barely moves and it feels like we'll never find flow again. But we will, and with attention, we can get it back sooner rather than later.  

Here are a few steps to make it happen.  

1) Notice it and name it. If you can, identify what's causing it. Are you sleep deprived, angry, irritated, worried, sad, depressed? Spinning over an issue? Unsure what action to take next? Think through all the possibilities and see what fits. 

2) Take several deep breaths. Notice your posture and what's going on in your body. Where are you holding tension? Are you slouching? Is your breathing shallow? If you journal, take a few minutes to do some stream-of-consciousness writing and see what shows up. 

3) Do something different. Give yourself a time-out, go for a walk, work out, or try "forest bathing" in a nearby park. Shift your perspective by shifting your attention and flood your body with oxygen and feel-good endorphins. The natural environment can be a quick fix.  

4) Say no. Is there something you're saying yes to where you'd be better served by saying no? We say yes when we mean no more often than we're aware of. It's an important part of self-care easily forgotten. There's no guilt in saying no. 

5) Remember what's most important. Let go of what isn't. Think about those you love, your dreams, an upcoming vacation, a favorite pet, or new shoes, if that's your jam. Are you holding on to a resentment? A slight? A judgment? If you're spinning on something--a comment said in passing, a misguided email, an unsolicited opinion--acting on it could do more harm than good, so let it go. Not everything requires--or deserves--a response. Sometimes it's just not worth it. 

6) Practice gratitude (it always comes back to gratitude). Be grateful for the experience, the sensations... because without one, there's no other. Without pain, there's no joy. Without hate, love would feel different. Maybe the no-flow is a disguised blessing, causing you to rethink or shift gears.   

A bonus tip: forgiveness. Sometimes we have to forgive others and ourselves for being human, for allowing ourselves to stay stuck in whatever's keeping us from our flow. It can take time to truly identify the cause, sit with it, and then finally be willing to let it go. If you're lucky, it may just be a function of time, and the need for a good night's sleep. 

Whatever it is, if all else fails, repeat my mother's mantra: This too shall pass. You know it will; it always does. Flow comes and goes, and there are lessons to be gained from everything. 

So, take a deep breath, slow down, reflect, and give yourself permission to start again later. 

You've got this. 

Are you listening?

I awoke the other morning with a booming voice -- not mine -- in my head:

"Are you listening to me?" 

Good question. 

Hmmm... 

... listening now. 

Breathing. 

I have been busy being busy. I have been doing, not being. Trying to fill the space, the void. Not listening. It all feels important, and likely is, at least somewhat. And my job right now is, in part, to listen. To pay attention. That's where the good stuff resides. 

Ambiguity. That's where I need to be right now. Clarity will come if I let it. I don't want the same, I want what's next, what's better. Dream. Create. Expand. 

Onward.  

Three deep breaths...

When I was a kid, my grandfather would stand at the top of the back stairs every morning, look out at the Olympic Mountains, and take three deep breaths. He insisted this was essential for good health. Perhaps it's the deep breathing that let him live to 70, despite being a lifelong smoker. I don't really remember the smoking, but I do remember that back porch ritual. 

Overlooking Puget Sound and
the Olympic Mountains from
Sunset Hill Park.

Breathing is one of those things we shouldn't have to think about. Isn't it about the most natural thing we do? Without oxygen, we'd cease to exist.



Getting enough air isn't easy for all of us. I attempt to breeze through my life as a recovering Type A, but there seems to be a residual pattern of frequent shallow breathing. In addition to pre-behavioral adjustment, I attribute this breathing pattern in large part to perpetual allergies, low-grade, persistent anxiety, and chronic lack of sleep (at least, I hope that's all it is). While I've likely had more than my fair share of stress over the years, relatively speaking, my life is pretty manageable right now. Perhaps breathing badly is learned? Or am I more stressed out than I realize? To get effective breath much of the time, I have to breathe consciously. In through the nose, into the guts, hold, exhale.  

That said, I was reminded of the dangers of stress on our health when Joe Piscatella came to talk with us at work earlier this week. He had heart disease at age 32 and doctors didn't expect him to live past 40. That was 35 years ago. He changed his life: both his diet and exercise routine, and he learned to manage his stress. His book, Don't Eat Your Heart Out, had a significant impact on my diet and attitude when I read it in the mid-80s. He's since written many more and speaks internationally about the affect lifestyle has on our health over genetics. Something I've been spouting since... well, maybe since I read his book.

I have to remember to breathe. Mr. Piscatella offered up a useful exercise that takes my usual breathe in/breathe out attempts a little further. In addition to turning off the television nightly news - should anyone really still watch it - he suggests the following:

Take a deep breathe in through your nose letting your belly expand outward. Hold and pull your abdominal muscles in. Exhale through your mouth over five beats. Repeat.

Trust me - this is much easier than bending over and putting your head between your knees, which I've found myself doing on occasion. Actual "breathwork" has always sounded a little too new agey for me, but I think I may look into it and see what that kind of practice has to offer. Meditation has always been difficult, but if I have a focus like very specific breathing, maybe that'll help.


UPDATE (8/28/12): My naturopath Eva tells me I breathe through my mouth which impacts the quality and quantity of air I take in. It's like miniscule, ongoing hyperventilation, and I also breathe in unfiltered particles and who knows what which leaves me vulnerable to viruses, infections, etc. Not to mention that I just don't get good breaths. So I do need to consciously focus on my breathing; Eva even suggested that if I need to, I could tape my mouth shut. If I'm breathing so hard I can't breathe through my nose, I'm doing too much. Oh - and use the neti pot. Joy.