Grow your mind, body and spirit

Change is all there is

If you've ever been hit over the head with a two-by-four, figurative or literal, you know it hurts. And sadly, the hit of the proverbial kind often takes more than one to get our attention. Ideally, we learn and stay out of harms way the next time.  

That proverbial hit has happened to me more often than I care to admit—major moves, job changes, relationship trauma—but thankfully, I can also say I've experienced what the experts now call post-traumatic growth (a term I'm still not sure I like, even though I get the value of it). When we learn from events that cause what most of us know as PTSD, we develop new coping skills, grow our emotional intelligence, and ideally, grow our mind, body and spirit. 

To do this, though, we must be willing to shift our mindset. Most of us are more prone to be victims of our circumstances, rather than to view what happens as opportunities to grow. 

Blueprint for growth and change

Over the last week, I watched a five-part series called Transcendence, Live Life Beyond the Ordinary. The show is a comprehensive blueprint for change, challenging knowledge and beliefs pervasive throughout our north American culture. During one interview, Sean Stephenson, author of the international best seller Get Off Your 'But' asked himself after yet another fall, 'why him' and 'why again' when he broke more bones. Sean, who was born with a rare bone disorder, grew to just three feet and wasn't expected to live, is an extraordinarily accomplished human—because at one point, he changed his mindset.  

A few things he shared: 

• having a dream is more important than achieving a dream
• when something is upsetting or unfair, he's too zoomed in; he suggests zooming out and changing perspective—this isn't happening TO me, but FOR me
• ask, "what can I learn from this?"

While this post doesn't even remotely do justice to the show, which I highly recommend to anyone who's interested in living a more intentional, empowered life, here are a few other gems from this episode:

• To be fulfilled, apply effort now, enjoy pleasure later; to be gratified, seek pleasure now, but pay later
• Be an unrealistic human being; these are the people who chart the course for the rest of us (think Jobs, Bezos, et al)
• If we're unsure of our purpose, look at the pains we experienced as children and explore the gifts those pains may have provided us; these pains may lead us to what we're passionate about and where we feel purposeful 

To have a fulfilling life, there are three types of worthy pursuits: 

1. decide what experiences you want to have in your life
2. ask yourself and then list how you want to grow and evolve
3. consider where you want to make a difference and how you'll give back to the world... 

Reap the rewards... 

From Transcendence... 

I don't want to be hit upside the head again, so I actively work to grow mind, body, and spirit, and facilitate change when I know something isn't working anymore. I've felt that blow enough, and while tremendous good has come from each, I'd rather learn sooner and reap, not pay, big dividends. 

How about you? Feeling any change afoot? Areas where something no longer serves you? Know what you need to do but aren't yet willing to do it? My suggestion is to get on it, or it'll get on you. Seriously. 

Life is about change, and change is good. Without it, we'd all be stagnant, boring, and bored. Who wants that? 

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I also have two openings available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Don't let your past dictate your future

Gardeners must always check and adjust;
moving plants for better light or drainage...
removing plants that no longer fit,
trying new things...  

Over the last several years, I've made many mindset changes to shift the trajectory of my experience and circumstances for the remainder of my life. Part of that is consistently reminding myself that I can't let my past dictate my future because that creates more of the same. If we want something different than what we've had, we have to do this work. 

One way I do that is to repeat the phrase, 'my future calls me in.'  

But even though I set goals and practice visualization, make vision boards of how I want my life to look and what I want to create, and actively do the other work necessary to grow—forgiveness (particularly self), release, and gratitude—I'm not sure I've known exactly what that means, feels like, or looks like in practice.  

Yesterday morning, I got it. 

Here's what happened, and how you can benefit, too...  

I've had a headache for three weeks.  

You read that right. Three weeks. Doctor said it's a tension headache. Just today, the start of the fourth week, it subsided. For three weeks, every day, I woke up at 4 a.m. with blinding pain, which then subsided by 10 a.m.  

And yes, this is relevant.

I attribute my headache to a number of things, but mostly to computer use. I had a few highly intense weeks at work with crazy deadlines that required doubling down on writing, editing, and online reading, which added a new level of tightness to my already-tight traps across my upper back. Couple this with some emotionally taxing events, an out-of-alignment atlas, and bad sinuses... 

When the headache hit, I was six weeks into a new morning routine and loving it. Waking up a little earlier to start my morning with 50 reps each of squats, push ups, and crunches (and trust me, I had to modify), a green smoothie, water, meditation, a hot/cold shower, and more... that 10-day challenge I wrote about previously. 

But the headache caused an abrupt halt to this, and just this weekend I found enough breathing space to think about what's possible in light of my circumstances. 

When things don't work, check and adjust

Borrowing a phrase from my almost-former colleague, the president who retires at the end of the month, I had to check and adjust. 

On Sunday I decided I could still do this, I just had to do it differently. So I further modified, including my timing. Before bed, I: 

• Do an adapted exercise routine with stretches
• Made my green smoothie for the next morning (for maximum nutrient retention, fill a jar to the rim and cover tightly)
• Continue my gratitude practice, sharing what I'm grateful for that day with my gratitude partner
• Take my hot/cold shower
• Place a hot pack around my neck
• Leave my phone in the living room and read a book instead—a change I wanted to make anyway but wasn't really motivated to do

Headache as catalyst...  

And my mornings: On Monday, after hitting snooze twice, I stumbled into the living room, unlocked my phone and went straight to Insight Timer for a previously selected breathing meditation. I did not pass go, nor did I collect $200... and I did not look at any of the notifications. And after 10 minutes of focused breathing, I wrote. 

That's where the magic happened. 

First, let me say that all this did not make my headache go away. I had a massage on Saturday (love me some Two Smiling Feet), and tortured myself with the foam roller a few times. I'll credit these, along with the newly added stretches, to booting out the headache. As noted earlier, today was the first morning it didn't cause a rude awakening. 

My future calls me in... 

I've read a lot lately about versions of 'future self journaling' (and here's one example from the Holistic Psychologist) and I thought that's what I would do on Monday morning. But what showed up was "the remembering process," a type of journaling I learned about while taking a class a couple of years ago at the spiritual center I go to. 

The book didn't move me; I found it tedious. And at the time, the process didn't come easy.  

But this time, it flowed. 

I wrote as though it was two-and-a-half years into my future, when the changes my partner and I have set in motion finally reach fruition, when those long-ago set dreams are at last fulfilled. 

It was so freeing. I felt light—something I haven't felt in a very long time. 

I wrote about our travel plans, about our house, our work lives, our health. In detail. For pages. And as I wrote it, I felt it as though I really was writing from the future. 

We must feel the change we want to create

A lot of us get this wrong. We're familiar with the new age-y, pop culture phenomena, 'change your thoughts, change your life,' and while that's important and it does create change, there's more that has to happen for real and lasting change.  

Creating what we want requires us to feel the changes to match the thoughts, and believe they're as true as our present moment. Where we're often tripped up is getting stuck in our heads, and not diving deep and uncovering those beliefs that undermine us. But when we do this, we can change anything. We can change our experience of our past so we're empowered and not victims. We can create from what we dream about rather than our previous experience. 

Our minds are pliable...

While by no means a neuroscience expert, I love reading about neuroplasticity and how our minds are capable of far more than we ever thought possible. 

Our minds can't differentiate between the immediate now and the 'now' we're feeling as though it were true. That's why the remembering process works. Our minds think this has already happened, so it, or the energy we are at our most base element, aligns with what we feel. 

The science is more complex, but the concept isn't. Give it a try and see what happens. Write as though you're already living your future—the delicious realization of your dreams, achieving your big, hairy, audacious goals (yep, that's BHAG), and believing it's as true as the air you're breathing this very moment. 

What would you write if these were true and done?  If you feel like it, share your experience in the comments. I'd love to hear about your experience.  

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Conversation, not knowing, and shifting gears

Spring hellebores - fresh, bright

Conversation. I am always amazed at the brilliance of just talking. That's part of what I love about coaching, but even through casual, random conversation, we can learn and see new possibilities. When we're connected, engaged and open-minded, things happen.

What comes from 'just talking' are awareness and clarity: new ideas, shared feelings, fresh thinking, and, for me, the understanding that we really are better together on this blue green planet.


New awareness

Right now, it's OK for me to not know what's next. I was reminded of this during a casual conversation while en route to a volunteer event.

With my job eliminated and no place to go each morning, my productive, corporate-trained brain is eager to be busy and feels anxious about what's next. I want to know where I'm headed, to be 'in action', to have a path, a next move.

Yet my creative, coach-trained, compassionate 'second' brain (that inner knowing, otherwise known as gut instinct) wants to slow down a little, shift gears, do something different, sit with, be with, see what bubbles to the surface. I am so much more than a cog in a corporate wheel; I have real gifts to offer the world, and I don't need 'a job' to do this. I'm in the fortunate place to not rush, to be able to explore, to sit with ambiguity.

How freeing to know I don't have to know. Even if I land another corporate role, I will do so mindfully.

Conversations are essential 

It's time for my introverted self to have more conversations. The fog that's enveloped me for weeks is finally lifting. The shift has begun and now I'm just curious to see what comes up. And... I don't have to know.

As my friend Sheryl asks in her email signature, quoting Mary Oliver, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

"...your one wild and precious life." Indeed.

I stated in an earlier post that my theme this year is 'invest' yet there's a place for 'wait and see'. What this means for me is being intentional about where, how and with whom I invest my time as I make space for what's next.

There is so much I don't know, so I'm staying open to something I may never have considered. There are many right answers, roads untraveled, and endless possibilities. I know countless people who have made big changes, as well as complete shifts, and are happier for it.

Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, suggests a person's level of success in life can often be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. Meaning, if you put yourself out there and talk with those you may seem unreachable, you may just find a connection and even an ally. So there's also that...

Lastly, from a lifetime-ago colleague, now life coach, in a recent email about looking back: If life only teaches you one thing, let it be that taking a passionate leap is always worth it.

Signs of new life: spring buds against a blue sky.