Maximized, appreciated, compensated

Reach toward the sunshine
and grab onto possibilities. 

I heard this line on Gretchen Rubin's Happier podcast this morning—something a pro football player said when asked why he changed teams: I want to be maximized, appreciated, and compensated. 

It's my new mantra. 

The prolific Irish playwright (and founder of the London School of Economics) George Bernard Shaw said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It's sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations." 

While I'm using the above mantra as I look to make a work change, it got me thinking about life in general and why knowing our worth and valuing ourselves is so important. So, some thoughts and questions for you to sit with: 

• life is short, fight for your dreams, and if you don't know what your dreams are, what lights you up? 
• don't settle; write that bucket list if you haven't already and start checking these off
• recognize when it's time to make a change because, at least during this incarnation, we only get one chance at this
• we all have unique gifts to share with the world; even if you don't know yours, or if it feels too modest, it's important
• regrets suck, so now's the time; what are you curious about? what do you want to explore, know, see, do, feel, experience before you die? 
• and if you're not sure if you can, or if you should, why not? and why NOT you? 

Take some time with these. Be honest. You're worth the time and consideration. 

As a coach I know often says, everything you want is on the other side of fear. So if that's what stops you, what's the impact of that? What's the payoff for staying safe?  

If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

5 simple steps to take when nothing feels possible...

Spring is late this year;
the crocus only just showed its colors.
Nighttime temps are still in the 30s (F). 

Maybe it's just Mercury in retrograde. I'm not very versed in what that means, but when others remind me, I usually say, "Oh! Now it makes sense!" 

What I notice is that something doesn't feel right. Planetarily, Mercury went retro on March 5, so that could explain my last week or so.

I've felt a little SAD (for those who live in sunnier climes, that's Seasonal Affective Disorder—an acronym that actually describes its associated feeling) and unproductive. I couldn't put my finger on why, even with valid reasons like a long winter and painful anniversaries of long-past March events.

I don't track retrograde dates, and...  should there be actual truth to the retrograde effect, those who know say it contributes to crossed communication, unexpected tensions, missed connections, etc. Rather than make bold moves, sign contracts, or have heartfelt conversations, they say it's a better time to reflect and just be. However, I know some of us don't do this well without prompting.

So let this be your prompt. 

Take time out, stop, think, and contemplate what you want your world to look like, be like. The time for action will come—just not yet.

Here's a list of simple, albeit not always easy, self-care strategies to use until you can take your next steps. It might require some mental gymnastics or shifting some energy, but you can do that. There's not a lot of 'action' in these steps.

1. Be compassionate and forgiving of yourself. Feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt, ineffectiveness, or just low energy, can show up and stop us. Remember this happens to everyone, even though our social media highlight reels make that seem untrue. Here's a line I've read and heard numerous times: Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides.  
2. Check your self talk. If your inner critic is doing all the talking, think about how you'd talk to your best friend. Then do that for yourself. What would you want that friend to tell you right now? Say that. And say it over and over, even if you don't believe it.  
3. Take stock and do small things. What are you able to do right now? Can you go for a walk? Have coffee with a friend? Maybe listen to a meditation app like Insight Timer or affirmations online. If it's too much work to make a green smoothie, can you buy one? If you usually pray but can't, listen to the Hawaiian Hoʻoponopono. Whatever you can do, do that, and acknowledge yourself for it. Know that food and exercise affect your mood, so even small tweaks can help lift the fog. 
4. Be grateful. Every day, remind yourself and reflect on what you're grateful for in that moment. 
5. Surrender. Sometimes, that's all there is to do. I've found that word coming out of my mouth more times than not lately. My word, or theme, for the year, is manifest... but perhaps surrender must come first.  

And here's a bonus step. Ask for help. I add this as a bonus because most of us can't, or won't, ask. It's a very hard thing for many to do. But it's also important. And if you can't, or won't, ask someone with the physical or emotional means to help, then say it out loud or write it down and let the universe, your higher power, or whatever you believe, think, or hope might be out there, know. Ask for what you need and be specific.

It gets better...

Even during our darkest hours, there's always something to hope for and be grateful for. As Leonard Cohen sang, the cracks are how the light gets in. When we're stuck and pondering, frustrated and worried, we can trust that answers will come, and at some point, everything will look better and brighter than before. It's almost always true.

Note I say this from a place of relative comfort—I am healthy, partnered, and I have a job and a home. I know at least one of these isn't true right now for people I care deeply about. Still, despite the sadness I feel and my desire to take their pain away, I must trust that what happens in our lives leads to our highest and greatest good. I know it's been true for me, and I've had some hard knocks.

When we stop learning and leaning in to life, even its hardships, we stop living. And damned if that hard sh*t doesn't move us forward in ways we couldn't have imagined. It won't feel like it at the time, and likely won't for a long time, until one day we look back in hindsight and realize we're thankful for what we gained. We learn to navigate, and with that, we get closer to having the lives we want, when so much more is possible.

Mercury leaves retrograde on the 28th, when spring will be in full swing. So if waiting it out is what you've got, do one of those small things listed above. Even if they feel hard. They'll keep the momentum moving so that when the fog lifts, you can take that next step, and maybe even leap.

What's your strategy when the fog rolls in thick and heavy, and nothing feels possible? Let me know what works for you.

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

The point of power

You have the power to change, right where you are, in the present moment...

For some, the word 'mantra' applies to meditation; mantras used for this are usually common and help quiet the mind's non-stop parade of thoughts. I call my guiding principles mantras because that's often the purpose they serve—quotes and phrases that randomly show up in my life and stick because they're useful, and get repeated regularly. 

I'm a long-time fan of Louise Hay. I read her book, You Can Heal Your Life, around it's original publish date. While I can't vouch for all the correlations she makes, she popularized the idea of the mind / body connection, and several of her quotes embedded themselves in my brain's deep recesses at an early age.  

I didn't intentionally memorize these. They settled in over the years, unwittingly, and now surface at relevant moments in time. They help me solve problems, guide my actions, and keep me focused. 

Ken Keyes Handbook to Higher Consciousness, a book I read in a college sociology class, offered one: I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in what they need for their growth. 

I have repeated this more times than I can count, and I've shared it with others who also find it useful. It's like the gift that keeps giving; it keeps me sane, helps me be clear on where I'm responsible and where I'm not, and allows others to have their experience without me getting in the way.  

Be present...

However, the one mantra I say more than any other is from Louise: The point of power is in the present moment. 

Meaning, we only have this moment, right now, right here. We can't change the past, and we can't see the future. We have what's immediately in front of us. 

Choose wisely...

A coaching premise is that we are all "at choice" even though we're often not conscious of this. Not making a choice, or a decision, is also a choice; we're just not usually happy with what shows up when we abdicate our options. That's why it's important to aim for increased mindfulness and being intentional about what we do every day. For example:  

• What decision or choice can you make right now to get the results you want? 
• What one thing can you do to support the life you long for? 
• What step must you take in this moment to move toward your goals? 
• Does the thought you're thinking right now help or hinder, empower or disapprove? 
• Do your current actions lead you where you want to go? 

Every moment offers a new opportunity to do something different. If you don't like the direction you're headed, you can change it. If you aren't happy with something in your life, redirect it. If what's in your head is a better foe than friend, change your thoughts (more Louise: change your thoughts, change your life). 

Stay present. Be conscious. If you have trouble staying present, stop and breathe. A few deep breaths will bring you back into your body and take you out of your head, and place you right where you need to be—in the present moment.  


Inclusive, not exclusive...  

And, because it's more important than ever right now, and in our collective conscious, for those who would suggest I check my privilege, I'm blatantly aware of my good fortune: to be born in this particular pocket of North America at this particular time in history, among other advantages, it's relatively easy for me to say these things—and I also know that while much, much harder for many, changing your circumstances isn't impossible, even though I know it can seem that way. For some, the idea of choice isn't even a reality. But that doesn't make it untrue.

I have much to be grateful for, including this awareness. Because of this, I help others find their path and guide them toward change. What a better world we'd live in if we were all able to recognize the power we have in the present moment of our own lives.  

Thanks for being here. 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

In the driver's seat

Closed doors don't have to be deterrents,
especially if they lead to the beach. 

Where are you headed? Or, as Robert Kiyosaki asks in Rich Dad, Poor Dad, "Where is this daily activity taking you?"

Between now and the ultimate destination we all share━our final resting place or the afterlife, or whatever you believe━we have more control than most of us think about what gets done in between.  

Don't we all want meaningful lives? No regrets when it's all said and done? 

I know I do. 

Early on, I didn't know I had control over my destiny. I made a lot of bad decisions, and assumed things "just happened to me". A long-time acquaintance once observed that I couldn't get any traction; he was talking about my career and finances, but he could've said that about any part of my life. I felt like the proverbial rug was consistently pulled from underneath me whenever I finally got things moving, or found some flow. I was held victim to my circumstances━they drove my beliefs and consequently, my actions and what I experienced. 


Consciousness is cause? 

This, even though I was introduced in my early 20s to the idea of consciousness as cause, that I could change my thoughts and therefore change my life. I don't remember hearing about deep-seated beliefs, nor how they drove my circumstances, no matter what I did with my thoughts. 

Affirmations are great, but until you know who's driving, you'll only get so far. 

Not-my-cat (aka #nmc) in my suitcase;
he only *thinks* he's driving.

My inner mean girl had my route mapped out. She told me I was stupid, not enough, nor worthy, why bother... I couldn't have whatever it was I wanted. I still set goals, stated affirmations, did the work, and even made progress. But only incremental. I didn't really believe I deserved what I wanted. 

It wasn't until a therapist asked me if I believed life is hard that I finally got "life just is" and that I could make better decisions and consciously create my future. I saw the beliefs that ran my life, and at last shifted my inner dialogue. The words were now just an ingrained habit, so as with any bad habit, I focused my attention to change it. 

Intention, plus attention, followed by daily action, will move you in the direction you want to go.  

The future calls me in... 

My past no longer dictates my future. My future calls me in based on my choices, intentions, and new beliefs━I'm worthy, smart, creative, and I can have what I want. I know what I want my life to look like. There are things I must now learn that I was incapable of understanding with the old mindset, and change behaviors that support my direction, but that's all possible. 

Sometimes I detour back and briefly get stuck, make the occasional bad decision, repeat an old belief... but what's different is I now know it's mine to choose, and I see the impact on my outcomes. 

What is it you're looking for? What do you want your life to look like? Do you believe your past must determine your future? Do you have beliefs running in the background that trip you up and send you on detours?  

To find out, pay close attention to what you tell yourself when you're not paying attention, or when things aren't going the way you want them to. That's where the insights come from. 

Own your power, know your worth

And that's where the power is. You can change your mind and change your actions. Daily actions━notice your inner dialogue, write a new script, and choose activities that support your direction━will make sure you're the one who's driving.  


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching, which you can find out more about here. 

The answer is gratitude

Sombrio Beach, BC

A fresh start, a clean slate, a new year... Don't we all have high hopes for the year ahead when the clock strikes midnight and a new year begins?

I do. However, few of us have an easy time during the holidays, which largely culminate on New Year's Day. Family dynamics, our financial circumstances, our health, and so much more impact how we feel on this first day out. 

That's why it helps me to see this day as a continuation; while it is a new day, New Year's Day is, in reality, a 'next' day in a continuum. 

But today, as another day starts and this new year begins, I'm worried. Mindful that worry has power, I know feeling gratitude is key. And... 

Worry activates a future we don't want...

There's a lot of noise in the world, and there's little I can do about it. Yet, my worry list continually repeats the negatives from the inputs of the day: 

• our currently precarious economy, a government shutdown, a potential wall and rampant isms
• increased property crime in my 'hood, and how those tasked to protect and serve don't, won't, or can't
• the hardships so many currently experience (and how my usual mantra, "I feel with loving compassion..." isn't appropriate for all circumstances right now)
• what happens to others because of bias 
• a seeming lack of kindness, consideration, and civility everywhere

I know worry doesn't serve me or the world. I can't project the future; I'm making assumptions and projecting. Imagining the worst.  

Why is it so hard to imagine the best???  

Socially, we're conditioned to imagine the worst, but it's deeper than that. Genetically, worry and fear saved us. Today, though, life is rarely life threatening (for those of us with privilege). (An aside: imagining is an important tool, however; read The Gift of Fear and The Unthinkable -- books I highly recommend to everyone.) 

Be intentional with your words

Words have power. They can guide us and help us stay on track. One approach I take is choosing an annual word to represent where I want to focus each year, and this helps me imagine the best. 

My word for 2016 was invest. And then, not long after the start of the year, I was laid off. Suddenly, investment looked very different than I initially intended, and I re-interpreted that word to invest in myself -- internal confidence, skill building, and building community. 

In 2017, my words were expansiveness and spaciousness, and I see how these played out, although again, differently than initially intended. I started two new jobs, took on new challenges, drove cross-country, built new networks, furthered community, shifted more limiting beliefs, and developed practices to support positive change. 

Vancouver Island

In 2018, my word was deliberate -- focusing on experiences, not 'stuff', learning my new job, and practicing self-care. I tracked my spending, and in most ways, spent less. I changed my diet, lost 12 pounds, and at the end of the year, my blood work was the best its been in years. I went to more concerts, saw more shows, spent more time with friends, and mostly stayed true to my focus and beliefs. 

Words are my framework; they motivate me, support me, re-engage me. I've made countless changes in my life in part because of using words deliberately, including creating a solid foundation with my partner. We have done the work, and we've landed in a good place, with a future we can look forward to.  

Now it's time to reap the rewards of that work. So I'm leaning toward manifest or fruition as my word(s) for 2019.

But first... gratitude. Gratitude is my keyword. It underpins everything else. It's at my essence and is essential for managing life's curve balls. Because we may not achieve everything we've planned for 2019; we still have challenges ahead and all those worries I mentioned. There's so much we can't control.  

Changing the dialogue...  

I believe consciousness is cause. I also believe we're all capable and creative. And it's up to me to direct my inner dialogue away from that which doesn't help. 

So, here goes. 2019 is the year I: 

• deepen my belief that everything works for me, even if it doesn't always seem that way 
• repair my relationship with money, making that work better for me, too
• get my house in order, literally and figuratively
• own my worth--not just know it, but own it, and accept nothing less
• write more
• ... and try harder to believe in miracles... 

I recently heard the questions, "What miracles would you love to experience this year? What would be an outrageous good and transform your world?" I'm going to ponder these for the next week or so and see what shows up. 

The key to manifesting miracles is gratitude. Living from gratitude makes our days look brighter and more seems possible. Add in grace, compassion, and forgiveness, and it's a mixture for deeper satisfaction.  

I don't want for anything--I have a warm, comfortable home, a loving partner who's a staunch companion, a good job with a steady paycheck, a satisfying social network, and I'm generally healthy in mind, body, and spirit. 

That's a lot to be grateful for. And for now, that's really all I need to focus on. Because with gratitude, all things are possible.