Buy the ticket, take the ride

“Don’t stop running!”

After signing my life away upon payment, those three words were the only instructions I received from my Brazilian guide—my co-pilot for the next 30 minutes.

We stood 20' from the edge of a cliff, nearly 1700' above sea level just south of Ipanema beach. The view couldn't have been more stunning. The drive up the mountain to the launch point couldn't have been more harrowing. And, it was my last day in Rio de Janeiro and I was ready, no matter what happened. This was soon after my mother left this mortal plane, and life felt precarious anyway. 

We belted ourselves into harnesses, then to the glider, and after safety checks, we were ready. Among my friends, I was the first. My brain hit auto-repeat: Don't stop running. (And breathe!)

When the friends we were visiting first suggested this, I wanted to say no. Which meant I had to say yes. Years prior, I made a personal policy that saying no to something required further evaluation--because chances were my no was due to fear or uncertainty... which I deemed inadequate reasons to say no. 

As Hunter S. Thompson said, "Buy the ticket. Take the ride." Saying "yes" often enough, especially when we want to say no, builds our resilience. 

So don't stop. 

That's our option right now. While this hot ticket was foisted upon us--the cluster that is a pandemic, a recession, and political theatre--it's up to us how we get through it. We can dig in, resist, and refuse to accept what is, or we can say yes and adapt, adopt, and change. I know that's not easy for everyone, as many are experiencing true hardship right now. However, with the resilience we've built, we can also help others. 

That flight over the white sandy beach and azure South Atlantic was extraordinary. We caught some thermals and glided for 30 minutes or so before gently landing on the beach. 

I know that not every landing is soft, but I do know they get easier with practice. 

If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to subscribe (see right column), share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here. 

Maximized, appreciated, compensated

Reach toward the sunshine
and grab onto possibilities. 

I heard this line on Gretchen Rubin's Happier podcast this morning—something a pro football player said when asked why he changed teams: I want to be maximized, appreciated, and compensated. 

It's my new mantra. 

The prolific Irish playwright (and founder of the London School of Economics) George Bernard Shaw said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It's sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations." 

While I'm using the above mantra as I look to make a work change, it got me thinking about life in general and why knowing our worth and valuing ourselves is so important. So, some thoughts and questions for you to sit with: 

• life is short, fight for your dreams, and if you don't know what your dreams are, what lights you up? 
• don't settle; write that bucket list if you haven't already and start checking these off
• recognize when it's time to make a change because, at least during this incarnation, we only get one chance at this
• we all have unique gifts to share with the world; even if you don't know yours, or if it feels too modest, it's important
• regrets suck, so now's the time; what are you curious about? what do you want to explore, know, see, do, feel, experience before you die? 
• and if you're not sure if you can, or if you should, why not? and why NOT you? 

Take some time with these. Be honest. You're worth the time and consideration. 

As a coach I know often says, everything you want is on the other side of fear. So if that's what stops you, what's the impact of that? What's the payoff for staying safe?  

If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Of podcasts, passion, and courage

The smart Steller's Jay knows where his
peanuts come from. He's a quick study. 

In today's world, we have endless ways to learn. And many of these are low cost if not free. What's not to love about that?

Online 'universities' like Udemy and Coursera offer a bevy of subjects taught by smart people, usually professionals in a given field. TEDTalks, including their TEDx offshoot, are largely fantastic. Audio books make traditional studying easier to do anywhere. Blogs and podcasts have exploded over the last several years—and there's absolutely nothing you can't find on YouTube, no matter how big or small a topic.

Finding time

Hard to see, but traffic here
is backed up a good mile;
nothing but taillights ahead.

My problem is largely how to choose and making time. Ambitiously, I purchased a handful of Udemy courses for $9.99 each. I haven't yet finished one, but I enjoy the few I've started and they add to my body of knowledge. Thankfully, once purchased, they're yours forever, which is both a blessing and a curse, as I know deadlines are often the driver to get something done.

I'm a new convert to podcasts. Not sure what took me so long, but they make congested commutes much more tolerable, even something to look forward to.

A clue about your passion

However, now that I jumped into that ring, the dilemma is choosing which podcast to listen to. So, as with anything else, I looked for shows that focus on human potential, health, and well-being, those topics that continually fascinate me—which, by the way, is a clue if you're still trying to assess what you're passionate about. What calls you? What do you listen to? What subjects captivate you in books or magazines, or even on TV?

My first podcast was Ryan Niddel's 15 Minutes to Freedom, and when he shifted to his current Optimized Life Show, I followed. (Recommended, and mentioned in previous posts.)

But now with just a few episodes behind me, I'm also hooked on Broken Brain with Dhru Purohit. These are a commitment at nearly an hour-and-a-half per episode.

A visceral response 

An offshoot from the television docu-series Broken Brain, the podcast tackles a wide net of issues related to health, brain health, and all things connecting mind, body, spirit. Recently, in podcast #67, host Purohit interviewed Alex Banayan, the 20-something author of The Third Door, an idea that came to him during his first year of college when he realized he was pursuing his family's dream and not his own.

Banayan was prepping for med school and studying for finals when he had a visceral response to his career path—that big "no, can't do it" kind of visceral response. So instead of studying for finals, he pulled an all-nighter to learn how to hack the game show The Price is Right... and clearly, something was conspiring for his highest and greatest good because not only did he land on the show right away, he won a sailboat, which he sold to fund his writing project.

Dreams come true... with committed, consistent effort 

And now we're all better for it. Over seven years, Banayan inteviewed some of the world's most 'successful' people to learn their 'secrets' to success. A few key takeaways from his story:

• Dreams are worth pursuing. 
• Miracles really can and do happen, but you have to participate. 
• You don't have to know how to get to where you're going. You just have to take the first step, and then the next step. 
• Action is required.
• Your biggest cheerleaders may not be those who know you best; in fact, they may be naysayers. Be careful and mindful who you share your dreams with. 
• Doors are often opened by loose connections, people who don't know you well. 
• We move forward through courage, not fearlessness. There's a big difference. 
• Don't give up. 
• You must know your why... and it has to be bigger than just you. 

Banayan named his own fear "The Flinch"—that feeling he got when his stomach knotted up and nearly stopped him. That fear keeps us from taking risks, from entering into the unknown and the uncomfortable. A way through, however, is knowing why you're doing what you're doing. That bigger why for him was realizing that other people were as curious as he was; it was his curiosity that pulled him toward his project, but it was the idea of helping others that kept him going. He said if what you're doing is for you alone, you have every reason on the planet to stop doing it, especially when it's hard or uncomfortable.

Fearlessness vs courage

Fearlessness is when you don't think about the consequences. Courage is knowing the risks, mitigating what you can, and then doing it anyway, despite that vice grip around your stomach. 

Most of us get stopped when the going gets hard. But we have to do hard things. It's the only way to realize our dreams. It's great to believe in fairytale endings, but the reality is we must do the work. It's from the other side of those challenges that we feel the most proud, where our best stories come from, and ultimately, lead us to the life we actually want, rather than just what we get. 

Find your tribe

Find those people who believe in you. Look outside of your known social circles and connect, connect, connect until you find those you resonate with. They will open doors for you. 

Ideally, give what you can in whatever way you can, be it a compliment, a kindness, a task, or a donation—not because you want something, but because it's the right thing to do. 

Take risks, even small ones. Keep going. And know what lights you up, even if you don't know how to get it. Then trust it's in the works, Take the step in front of you, and if it's hard, do it anyway.  

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

False Evidence Appearing Real

Tell the truth about your fears
and find room to blossom. 

Often on the way to work, if I'm not listening to a meditation or affirmation on Insight Timer, I'm listening to Ryan Niddel's 15 Minutes to Freedom podcast. How I found this guy is anyone's guess, but he's a pretty astute 35-year-old. Interestingly to me, as it tests my previous assumptions, I've found a few of these mid-30s high-EQ, self-aware men who are putting out some introspective, helpful content. I've mentioned Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck in previous posts, to name another.  

A little dose of discomfort

Anyway, nothing like quickly getting comfortable being uncomfortable. 

Ryan's podcasts have compelled me to do a few things I'm surprised by, including today's Facebook Live videos within a group site he's facilitating. A week ago I signed up for 10 days of training through his Life Optimization coaching program—a special promotion and a deal at $20. What a great way to sample his coaching style without a big investment. Who wouldn't want to optimize their life? It starts Monday, but in typical Ryan fashion, there's some 'pre-work' to get you ready for the real work that's coming. Of course, the next two weeks promise to be my busiest at work yet. You know what they say, yes? If you want to get something done, ask a busy person. 

You can check Ryan out here. 

I bring this up because as mentioned, today I recorded not one but two Facebook Live videos—both videos on topics related to what I want from the 10-day program, as well as life overall. Video is totally out of my comfort zone; a Facebook Live video is over the top. I quite like being right here, typing away on my laptop. 

But you know what? I did it, and it wasn't so bad. And nothing bad happened as a result. I got a little more comfortable in my own skin, with expressing myself differently, with saying out loud a few things that are important to me. Go figure. 

Getting real about fear...

A few podcasts ago, I heard Ryan talk about fear, or rather, what I recall hearing was this awesome acronym I'd never heard before: False Evidence Appearing Real. 

I couldn't tell you the context of the podcast now. This brilliant acronym was my takeaway. No idea who coined it. Looking it up online results in a number of references  (none of which I've read yet, and may not). But it seems appropriate right now, as I think about how uncomfortable I was just thinking about doing those videos. 

Stay present

Think about it. Most of our fears never come true, whether about big things or small things (like Facebook videos...). They're based on what we think we might happen. And not just what might happen, but the worst that can happen. 

Yet, how often does anything really work out that way? How often are our worst fears realized? How often is the evidence we collect even really valid?  

Next time you feel fearful, nervous, or uncomfortable about something, think about it this way: it's almost certainly just false evidence. Maybe it feels real. But is it? I'm going to take my own advice here when I say 'don't fear the unknown,' as I have a lot of 'known unknowns' ahead. 

Staying present to where you are right now is key.  

Be bold...

Mark Twain said, "some of the worst things in my life never happened." He also said, "courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not the absence of fear." 

So let's not get stopped by fear. Go forth and be courageous, and remember that fear really just means false evidence trying to throw you off track. Once upon a time back when we got started as humans, fear kept us alive and well. To a degree, it can still keep us safe, but now it's overused. Don't let fear drive. Buckle it into the backseat, and go. 

Who was it that said "feel the fear and do it anyway"? Do that! I long ago told myself that when fear crept in, and I wanted to say no (because fear was driving), it was my queue to say yes. 

Onward! 

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here.