The point of power

You have the power to change, right where you are, in the present moment...

For some, the word 'mantra' applies to meditation; mantras used for this are usually common and help quiet the mind's non-stop parade of thoughts. I call my guiding principles mantras because that's often the purpose they serve—quotes and phrases that randomly show up in my life and stick because they're useful, and get repeated regularly. 

I'm a long-time fan of Louise Hay. I read her book, You Can Heal Your Life, around it's original publish date. While I can't vouch for all the correlations she makes, she popularized the idea of the mind / body connection, and several of her quotes embedded themselves in my brain's deep recesses at an early age.  

I didn't intentionally memorize these. They settled in over the years, unwittingly, and now surface at relevant moments in time. They help me solve problems, guide my actions, and keep me focused. 

Ken Keyes Handbook to Higher Consciousness, a book I read in a college sociology class, offered one: I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in what they need for their growth. 

I have repeated this more times than I can count, and I've shared it with others who also find it useful. It's like the gift that keeps giving; it keeps me sane, helps me be clear on where I'm responsible and where I'm not, and allows others to have their experience without me getting in the way.  

Be present...

However, the one mantra I say more than any other is from Louise: The point of power is in the present moment. 

Meaning, we only have this moment, right now, right here. We can't change the past, and we can't see the future. We have what's immediately in front of us. 

Choose wisely...

A coaching premise is that we are all "at choice" even though we're often not conscious of this. Not making a choice, or a decision, is also a choice; we're just not usually happy with what shows up when we abdicate our options. That's why it's important to aim for increased mindfulness and being intentional about what we do every day. For example:  

• What decision or choice can you make right now to get the results you want? 
• What one thing can you do to support the life you long for? 
• What step must you take in this moment to move toward your goals? 
• Does the thought you're thinking right now help or hinder, empower or disapprove? 
• Do your current actions lead you where you want to go? 

Every moment offers a new opportunity to do something different. If you don't like the direction you're headed, you can change it. If you aren't happy with something in your life, redirect it. If what's in your head is a better foe than friend, change your thoughts (more Louise: change your thoughts, change your life). 

Stay present. Be conscious. If you have trouble staying present, stop and breathe. A few deep breaths will bring you back into your body and take you out of your head, and place you right where you need to be—in the present moment.  


Inclusive, not exclusive...  

And, because it's more important than ever right now, and in our collective conscious, for those who would suggest I check my privilege, I'm blatantly aware of my good fortune: to be born in this particular pocket of North America at this particular time in history, among other advantages, it's relatively easy for me to say these things—and I also know that while much, much harder for many, changing your circumstances isn't impossible, even though I know it can seem that way. For some, the idea of choice isn't even a reality. But that doesn't make it untrue.

I have much to be grateful for, including this awareness. Because of this, I help others find their path and guide them toward change. What a better world we'd live in if we were all able to recognize the power we have in the present moment of our own lives.  

Thanks for being here. 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

Anger is an energy

Alone in the wilderness... or, well,
 in this case, on a beach. 

A few years ago, while talking about growing up, a life-long friend told me my anger scared her when we were teenagers. This caught me off guard; I had no idea. We met in elementary school; I was a lieutenant on the safety patrol and she was on my squad. From there, our lives became deeply intertwined; we know and understand our origin stories. And yet, her words made me think.  

As a teenager, I was small, smart, and cute, which didn't benefit me at that point in time and caused ire among my peers. So I was feisty; I had a mouth only sailors could love, and I was often in trouble with teachers for directing it at them.  

We learn to be angry... 

I learned how to be angry from my mom. That was her acceptable emotion, along with frustration. She yelled a lot, swore a lot, slammed doors, and threw things. Throughout our life together, I watched her vacillate between anger, frustration, and depression. Consequently, my teenage self yelled and swore a lot, and sometimes slammed doors and threw things (typically, just my hairbrush on bad hair days, though). Full transparency: I had a few good reasons to be angry. I just needed better ways to express it.  

I started my journey toward healthy expression in my early 20s, but it's an ongoing practice and I don't always get it right. As a newlywed, I yelled during an argument—and my husband's response taught me to quell my anger, even deny it. Instead, I withdrew rather than rocking the boat, which had its own unintended consequences.  

Now I'm rarely angry and I know anger is just one of many options. But it's also a useful one if we pay attention. It's a tool, a motivator. Or as John Lydon (nee Johnny Rotten) sang on Rise, it's an energy. It's information. 

Anger is often our quickest response in a heated interaction and can easily mask other emotions, like fear or hurt. Stopping in the moment, when we first feel angry, is a big step. What's it telling you? Stop, notice, and name it. Then choose how you want to respond to any given situation.  

I don't avoid conflict, but I stopped provoking controversy when I 'grew up.' That doesn't mean I don't express anger when I feel it, but I discovered my limitations around arguments. I sometimes struggle to follow a train of thought when emotions are high, and verbal communication can be challenging for me. That's why it's important to know I can stop. I also noticed in heated conversations with certain people that I can become overwhelmed and get flustered and acquiesce when they insist they're right. This also isn't OK, and I've learned to navigate those relationships more carefully.     

Communication, awareness, and boundaries 

Now, with a lot of deep work behind me and a high level of self-awareness, I have very clear boundaries, which makes setting limits easier. Anger isn't my immediate response.  

But here's something else: We typically have different boundaries for different relationships, and we're allowed to change and adjust them. We're also not required to tell people when we set new boundaries, especially if it puts us at risk in some way. Push-back is real. Sometimes, they don't know what's different, only that something is, and that's enough to cause a reaction.   

The trick, then, is to hold those new boundaries and not get sucked into old behaviors, and not get angry. I recently got tricked. Hence this post. 

Remember Charlie Brown and Lucy? 

I found myself in a situation where I expected a different result. I have a friend I regularly feel challenged by. I'm Charlie Brown, falling on my ass trying to kick a football that Lucy pulls away at the last minute. (Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice... what?!?) I decided I couldn't do that anymore, so I created some new boundaries for myself in that relationship. I didn't share that; I just showed up differently. And then... here I was... I did the same thing, again, and I said a thing or two in a conversation I didn't want to have... and got lambasted for all the ways I was wrong. Charlie Brown... I should know better. 

I was livid. But... this time, I didn't react. I didn't swear. I didn't cry. I noticed it. I stepped back to look at what just happened.  

Behind the reaction...  

The Landmark Education Forum asks you whether you want to be right or whether you want workability. I aim for workability, which is why I don't think all disconnects need to be discussed. I could very easily find myself saying hurtful things that don't help. 

So what happened... I felt like a caged cat, trapped, attacked even... which made me even less interested in further engaging. It wasn't pretty, so we hung up with neither of us in a good place. What I know for sure is that this cannot happen again. I refuse to again be Charlie Brown.   

Trust your insides... 

I have finely honed gut instincts, and I must listen to them. I can't second guess myself, nor must I explain my actions and choices, nor defend them in most circumstances.

I mentioned anger is information, and this particular experience enlightened me to a couple of things. 

• How I relate to my partner: I have a new appreciation for my partner's process when he's working through something. Now, when I ask him what's up when my spidey senses are buzzing and he says 'nothing' or 'it doesn't have anything to do with you', I have to trust him. I must also trust that if he does have something we need to talk about, he'll let me know.  
• What's important to me: I have more clarity about my values and boundaries, how I want to show up, and what I expect in relationships, friendships or otherwise. 

As with anything else, there are always gifts... that proverbial silver lining. This exchange prompted me to write on my bedroom mirror, where I see them sometimes multiple times a day, a few affirming statements:  

• take up space
• amplify my voice
• know my worth (an ongoing theme here)
• trust myself, and 
• take no shit

None of this is about making someone else wrong, or not loving them. What I find I need is to rethink my relationships, my needs, and my interactions—which right now, is taking back some space, and when I say "no," know that I mean no, especially when something is personal and not about them. 

Writing this, I feel less angry and more compassionate, for my friend and myself, even as I recognize I'm done with being Charlie Brown.  

Anger... it's useful. In this case, it caused me to pause and reflect, and then stand firm, know my worth, and resolve to set more limits.   

Let anger be your guide...

And, lastly, there's a lot to be angry about in the world... like oppression and inequity. That's where anger can be truly motivating. It's information and an energy. Use that. But don't let it consume you, and when you feel it, explore it.   

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

Never too late--don't wait!

Right before Seattle's 2019
#Snowmaggedon

As long as you're breathing, it's highly likely there's still time—time to fulfill those bucket list dreams.

Whether you have a legacy to carve, a book to write, a trip to take, a mountain to climb, a new role to play, very little, certain physical limitations aside, is truly impossible. 

Some of our dreams may look a little different now, may require some alteration. But impossible? Only if you believe they are.  

What matters most? That's a question I ask myself a lot because it helps me stay on track. 

When you're 80 or 90 years old, in the winter of your life with more years behind you than ahead, what do you want to see when you look back at those years? 


What motivates you? 

Most bucket list items require a willingness to let go of what was for what could be. They typically aren't part of our day-to-day, so they probably require a little risk taking, a bit of stretching, a sidestep out of our comfort zones. 

But as we cross those items off our list, we're stronger, better, smarter. We never stop growing or learning... unless we choose to. 

I'm all about meaningful learning and development, adventure, and freedom. These drive me, move me to action, and make life worth living for me, whether I'm learning a new skill, reading about a moment in time or a bold new future, absorbing a culture, walking a city end-to-end, hiking a woodsy island trail, exploring an unfamiliar destination, or quelling my curiosity about people and their motivations...  

At work, doing the same thing again and again is a motivation killer. But I'm old enough now that I mentor more than I'm mentored, so it's up to me to create opportunities to learn and stay engaged.  

What kills your motivation? What stops you from moving through your bucket list? Are you waiting for someone to pave the way or show you how? 

Don't wait. 

Don't wait... I think that's the advice my older self would give my younger self. To quote Nike, just do it. 

You've probably seen many of these before, but I'm going to put them out there as a reminder: 

• Fans of Little House on the Prairie, a popular 70s TV show, may not be aware that the first of this series of books was published by author Laura Ingalls Wilder when she was 64, encouraged by her daughter to document her early pioneer years. Mom and I never missed this show when I was a kid. How tame it was by today's standards! We all have stories... and you have yours to tell. 
• Famous chef Julia Child didn't learn to cook until she was in her 30s, and didn't publish Mastering the Art of French Cooking until she was 49. She was 51 when her public television show, The French Chef, debuted. And she wasn't even French. 
• The king of fried chicken, Colonel Sanders, didn't start his franchise behemoth until much later in life—he developed his beloved recipe when he was well into his 60s. 
• The oldest person to climb Mt. Everest was retired Japanese schoolteacher, Katsusuke Yanagisawa, who was 71, and the oldest to summit Mt. Rainier, Bill Painter, did so when he was 81. 
• The world's oldest female body builder, Ernestine Shepherd, now in her 70s, didn't even start working out until she was 56. My uncle was a body builder in his 20s, but put that on hold until he started lifting in his 50s. Now in his late 80s, he only recently stopped competing... and winning in his age class. 

If we do it right, with age comes experience and with experience comes wisdom. We've learned from our failures and our fuck ups, our small wins and big wins. Second, third, or even fourth act careers are sometimes the most satisfying, according to those who made the leap and tell the tales. 

Some of the most interesting and successful entrepreneurs didn't have a background in their new business; they wanted to bake, teach, learn, sew, paint, code, serve others, or just had an idea they wanted to pursue. They found the resources, learned what they needed to know, and, likely a step at a time, made it happen.  

The next best advice I'd give my any-age self? Try something new. If it looks appealing, seems interesting, or fascinates in some fashion, try it. You've got little to lose and a lot to gain. If you need more incentive, search success after (pick an age) and you'll find an endless array of inspiration. 

So, what are you waiting for? What steps can you take today that move you through your list, or get you closer to fulfilling a dream? Get specific, and make it happen!  




If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching, which you can find out more about here. 

In the driver's seat

Closed doors don't have to be deterrents,
especially if they lead to the beach. 

Where are you headed? Or, as Robert Kiyosaki asks in Rich Dad, Poor Dad, "Where is this daily activity taking you?"

Between now and the ultimate destination we all share━our final resting place or the afterlife, or whatever you believe━we have more control than most of us think about what gets done in between.  

Don't we all want meaningful lives? No regrets when it's all said and done? 

I know I do. 

Early on, I didn't know I had control over my destiny. I made a lot of bad decisions, and assumed things "just happened to me". A long-time acquaintance once observed that I couldn't get any traction; he was talking about my career and finances, but he could've said that about any part of my life. I felt like the proverbial rug was consistently pulled from underneath me whenever I finally got things moving, or found some flow. I was held victim to my circumstances━they drove my beliefs and consequently, my actions and what I experienced. 


Consciousness is cause? 

This, even though I was introduced in my early 20s to the idea of consciousness as cause, that I could change my thoughts and therefore change my life. I don't remember hearing about deep-seated beliefs, nor how they drove my circumstances, no matter what I did with my thoughts. 

Affirmations are great, but until you know who's driving, you'll only get so far. 

Not-my-cat (aka #nmc) in my suitcase;
he only *thinks* he's driving.

My inner mean girl had my route mapped out. She told me I was stupid, not enough, nor worthy, why bother... I couldn't have whatever it was I wanted. I still set goals, stated affirmations, did the work, and even made progress. But only incremental. I didn't really believe I deserved what I wanted. 

It wasn't until a therapist asked me if I believed life is hard that I finally got "life just is" and that I could make better decisions and consciously create my future. I saw the beliefs that ran my life, and at last shifted my inner dialogue. The words were now just an ingrained habit, so as with any bad habit, I focused my attention to change it. 

Intention, plus attention, followed by daily action, will move you in the direction you want to go.  

The future calls me in... 

My past no longer dictates my future. My future calls me in based on my choices, intentions, and new beliefs━I'm worthy, smart, creative, and I can have what I want. I know what I want my life to look like. There are things I must now learn that I was incapable of understanding with the old mindset, and change behaviors that support my direction, but that's all possible. 

Sometimes I detour back and briefly get stuck, make the occasional bad decision, repeat an old belief... but what's different is I now know it's mine to choose, and I see the impact on my outcomes. 

What is it you're looking for? What do you want your life to look like? Do you believe your past must determine your future? Do you have beliefs running in the background that trip you up and send you on detours?  

To find out, pay close attention to what you tell yourself when you're not paying attention, or when things aren't going the way you want them to. That's where the insights come from. 

Own your power, know your worth

And that's where the power is. You can change your mind and change your actions. Daily actions━notice your inner dialogue, write a new script, and choose activities that support your direction━will make sure you're the one who's driving.  


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching, which you can find out more about here.