Of podcasts, passion, and courage

The smart Steller's Jay knows where his
peanuts come from. He's a quick study. 

In today's world, we have endless ways to learn. And many of these are low cost if not free. What's not to love about that?

Online 'universities' like Udemy and Coursera offer a bevy of subjects taught by smart people, usually professionals in a given field. TEDTalks, including their TEDx offshoot, are largely fantastic. Audio books make traditional studying easier to do anywhere. Blogs and podcasts have exploded over the last several years—and there's absolutely nothing you can't find on YouTube, no matter how big or small a topic.

Finding time

Hard to see, but traffic here
is backed up a good mile;
nothing but taillights ahead.

My problem is largely how to choose and making time. Ambitiously, I purchased a handful of Udemy courses for $9.99 each. I haven't yet finished one, but I enjoy the few I've started and they add to my body of knowledge. Thankfully, once purchased, they're yours forever, which is both a blessing and a curse, as I know deadlines are often the driver to get something done.

I'm a new convert to podcasts. Not sure what took me so long, but they make congested commutes much more tolerable, even something to look forward to.

A clue about your passion

However, now that I jumped into that ring, the dilemma is choosing which podcast to listen to. So, as with anything else, I looked for shows that focus on human potential, health, and well-being, those topics that continually fascinate me—which, by the way, is a clue if you're still trying to assess what you're passionate about. What calls you? What do you listen to? What subjects captivate you in books or magazines, or even on TV?

My first podcast was Ryan Niddel's 15 Minutes to Freedom, and when he shifted to his current Optimized Life Show, I followed. (Recommended, and mentioned in previous posts.)

But now with just a few episodes behind me, I'm also hooked on Broken Brain with Dhru Purohit. These are a commitment at nearly an hour-and-a-half per episode.

A visceral response 

An offshoot from the television docu-series Broken Brain, the podcast tackles a wide net of issues related to health, brain health, and all things connecting mind, body, spirit. Recently, in podcast #67, host Purohit interviewed Alex Banayan, the 20-something author of The Third Door, an idea that came to him during his first year of college when he realized he was pursuing his family's dream and not his own.

Banayan was prepping for med school and studying for finals when he had a visceral response to his career path—that big "no, can't do it" kind of visceral response. So instead of studying for finals, he pulled an all-nighter to learn how to hack the game show The Price is Right... and clearly, something was conspiring for his highest and greatest good because not only did he land on the show right away, he won a sailboat, which he sold to fund his writing project.

Dreams come true... with committed, consistent effort 

And now we're all better for it. Over seven years, Banayan inteviewed some of the world's most 'successful' people to learn their 'secrets' to success. A few key takeaways from his story:

• Dreams are worth pursuing. 
• Miracles really can and do happen, but you have to participate. 
• You don't have to know how to get to where you're going. You just have to take the first step, and then the next step. 
• Action is required.
• Your biggest cheerleaders may not be those who know you best; in fact, they may be naysayers. Be careful and mindful who you share your dreams with. 
• Doors are often opened by loose connections, people who don't know you well. 
• We move forward through courage, not fearlessness. There's a big difference. 
• Don't give up. 
• You must know your why... and it has to be bigger than just you. 

Banayan named his own fear "The Flinch"—that feeling he got when his stomach knotted up and nearly stopped him. That fear keeps us from taking risks, from entering into the unknown and the uncomfortable. A way through, however, is knowing why you're doing what you're doing. That bigger why for him was realizing that other people were as curious as he was; it was his curiosity that pulled him toward his project, but it was the idea of helping others that kept him going. He said if what you're doing is for you alone, you have every reason on the planet to stop doing it, especially when it's hard or uncomfortable.

Fearlessness vs courage

Fearlessness is when you don't think about the consequences. Courage is knowing the risks, mitigating what you can, and then doing it anyway, despite that vice grip around your stomach. 

Most of us get stopped when the going gets hard. But we have to do hard things. It's the only way to realize our dreams. It's great to believe in fairytale endings, but the reality is we must do the work. It's from the other side of those challenges that we feel the most proud, where our best stories come from, and ultimately, lead us to the life we actually want, rather than just what we get. 

Find your tribe

Find those people who believe in you. Look outside of your known social circles and connect, connect, connect until you find those you resonate with. They will open doors for you. 

Ideally, give what you can in whatever way you can, be it a compliment, a kindness, a task, or a donation—not because you want something, but because it's the right thing to do. 

Take risks, even small ones. Keep going. And know what lights you up, even if you don't know how to get it. Then trust it's in the works, Take the step in front of you, and if it's hard, do it anyway.  

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Tap your internal wisdom for life-long change

Some books entertain us, some educate us. Some become life-long resources. The Artist's Way is a resource I've sworn by for longer than I can remember. Is it just for artists? Not at all. I've never considered myself an artist. I do believe we're all creative in our own ways, every one of us, but that's not the same thing.  

Frankly, I didn't read the entire book for years after I first bought it. Instead, I jumped right in to its primary tenet: morning pages. 

In The Artist's Way, morning pages are the first exercise and are the basis for the book. Through morning pages, we honor and give voice to our internal wisdom—that creative and higher self we often call our intuition. 

Morning pages aren't for the faint of heart. They take time, but they don't take thought. At least not to write them. What they do provide is self-reflection, and quite possibly, deep inner work and answers to perplexing questions. 

Find your answers

When you're spinning on an issue or churning over a problem, morning pages help. When you seem to be perpetually stuck and can't move forward, morning pages provide insights. 

The trick to morning pages is to do them. every. morning. Yes, every. morning. 

Why? You can hear directly from author Julia Cameron about what's in it for you in this video. 

So how do you do them? Write three pages, long-hand. That's it. Don't stop. No computer, no tablet, no laptop. With a pen, on 8.5 x 11 inch paper. Stream of consciousness, no thinking necessary. Can't think of anything to write? Write that. Hand cramps? Write that. 

And yes, you can make your coffee first. Then get comfortable. And start writing. 

If you're really struggling with a particular issue, you can write a question at the top of the page and then see what comes up.

No talent or journaling background required

You don't have to be a writer. In fact, creative prose would hinder the process. And it doesn't matter if you've never kept a journal, or tried journaling and found it didn't work for you. This is not that. Journaling is more thoughtful reflection; morning pages tap into your deep inner consciousness. So keep your hand moving until the three-pages are full (except to sip your coffee, but ideally, hold your cup with your other hand). 

When insights show up, I have a couple of tricks so I don't lose them. Keep the first page of your notepad blank. Then when you're writing, underline whatever thought you want to keep, or put an asterisk in the margin. When you've completed the three pages, go to that first empty page, write the date (always put the date on the top of each entry), and either copy the thought or note the date and review it later. 

Keep or discard? 

Do you have to keep these? Definitely not. I'd have file cabinet after file cabinet if I did. I typically don't even read them, except as noted above when I have an insight I want to keep. I sometimes tear off those first pages if they still have meaning for me. But after a period of time, I'll do a little ceremony and shred or burn them. 

Have I done them consistently all these years? No. But when I need to resolve something, or want new insights or creative ideas, I buy a package of notepads, find my favorite pens, and start writing. Every morning, for weeks or months on end. 

An invitation

I invite you to try it and see what happens. I'm just getting started again after a long break. I'm excited to see what shows up. 

If you're already a fan of morning pages, let me know in the comments how you've benefited, or if you try it for the first time, let me know what you think after a few weeks. 

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

We can't fight what we can't see

Daisies symbolize love,
beauty, and new beginnings.

There's a lot of unrest in the world right now, and this creates unrest within us, too. I'm not going to say much about the world at large here, as I aim to keep this largely apolitical, but I feel compelled to say something. 

The strife in the world is uncomfortable for many of us scary for more of us, and even dangerous for some of us. 

But I want to point out that much of what's happening in the world right now, particularly based on what people believe about the world and other people, isn't new. What's different is that those who hold beliefs about others based on ignorance and misinformation now have permission to vocalize and act on those beliefs in ways that are detrimental to individuals and the greater good. 

We can change the world

I am forever an optimist, and I believe that change is coming that will be better for all people. That said, it's likely to be painful; hell, it already is. 

Sadly, not everyone believes as I do, that "in our sameness we connect, in our differences we grow" (Virginia Satir, author, 'mother' of family therapy). Some feel very threatened by those who are different. 

But we can't change what's hidden, and with so much hate and anger now visible, we can fight it. We know what we're up against. 

For those of us who hold different beliefs, it's time to find what's ours to do. We must take a stand, speak up and speak out, and do what we can to create change. We have power, individually and collectively. 

Little things or big, it all counts

Sometimes all we can do is hold space, and that's OK. Energy matters. Putting compassionate, caring energy into the world has a profound ripple effect, so if that's all you can do, do that. 

If you can do more, do that. One singer / songwriter / friend holds "Pie and Persistence" house concerts, believing that backyard and living room gatherings with pie and music are where we connect, grow, and can make a difference. In just over two years, she's raised more than $20,000 for non-profits fighting the good fight. I've held two (and attended many more at homes all over the city): one for the National Resource Defense Council, another for Powerful Voices, an organization that supports girls of color to become leaders. I'll attest: these gatherings are powerful. 

Others are donating individually or volunteering. Many host birthday fundraisers on Facebook. Others are sharing their world views in ways that add to collective understanding and don't diminish other people. There is no shortage of opportunity to do something that matters. 

Our internal worlds are just as important

All this applies to our internal world, too. We can't change what we can't see. And to live a fulfilled, satisfying life, we must continue to learn, grow, and ultimately change. Ceasing to do so will literally kill us. 

That's why any kind of change means surfacing underlying beliefs that hold us back. Twelve-step programs require a moral inventory. Therapy and coaching require deep self-reflection. We must create awareness for those beliefs, behaviors, and mindsets that don't serve us. When we have this awareness, we can start living more mindful, conscious and empowered lives.  

What we do inside spreads outside 

When we start to live more consciously and authentically, we benefit the world at large. As we have more, we give more. As we feel happier, we spread happiness. When we do good for us, it's so much easier to do good for the world. As we have more energy, the world around us responds. Energy circulates.  

If you're not sure how to make a difference in our crazy universe, start with the two-feet in front of you and behind you. Take care of you in the best way you know how, do that deep work to find your highest and best self and remove beliefs that keep you small, and you'll be giving yourself and the world a huge gift. 

This may not be easy, but it's worth it, and definitely possible. We all deserve more joy, satisfaction, compassion, and forgiveness. 

Start with 'us'

The bottom line: to make the world a better place, whether our own individual worlds, or a much broader world, we must make visible that which is hidden. Start with you, me, us. Seek your internal truth. Give generously and often in any way you can. Don't be afraid of change. We must change. 

And eventually, love will win. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."

Indeed, it does... 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Don't rely on willpower to get what you want

Getting this mimosa to grow from a
stick to a tree required the discipline of
regular water and patience. 

While standing at the bathroom mirror getting ready for work, the word discipline came to mind. 

I can't think of many words I despised more as a teenager. Not in the sense of being punished... although there was that, too. 

People who were disciplined were boring. I hated routine. I didn't care if I was late—to class, on homework, or if I didn't achieve the goals I set... I started out as an over-achiever (really, a people-pleaser), but by 7th grade, after a lot of personal loss, I became the classic underachiever. I was smart and got good grades but that didn't matter. I made myself graduate, but it required a valiant effort in my senior year (yes, discipline...).  

After high school, college required it. But I still didn't like it. Being disciplined had no meaning for me, even though something as simple as regularly watering my plants required a certain amount of it. I still didn't understand the connection between discipline and achieving something because my underlying belief, as a kid, was "why bother." Goals? What goals? 

I also learned as a kid that life was hard. Yet, I'd heard it was supposed to be easy, too, so I had a huge disconnect. Life always felt hard—like walking uphill in concrete boots—but I wanted it to be easy.  

It wasn't until about 10 years ago I realized that "life just is"—there's no hard or easy, just our own perception and what we do with it. 

Rituals make life easier 

Discipline is inherent in our rituals. Call it routine or habit, we create rituals to ease our way; if we're disciplined about them, morning rituals make that hour before work flow more smoothly. Creating those rituals—those habits that serve our dreams and desires—keeps us on track, and for me, on time.  

Now I understand that discipline is necessary to accomplish something, and I know being disciplined, at least much of the time, makes life better. 

Do hard things

Discipline requires commitment, which requires a bit of mental and emotional toughness. Any goal worthy of reaching (and if it isn't, why set it?) is worthy of applying discipline. 

Several coaches I read or listen to talk about doing the hard things, something I'd have balked at when I was younger. But it's true. If we want to be healthy and wealthy in old age, it makes sense to do what feels hard when we're young—eat right, don't over-consume, exercise, save or invest... Those hard things become easier if we're disciplined about them; then they serve our needs, the what we want and why we want it. Discipline makes it happen.  

Willpower vs discipline

Discipline isn't willpower. How many times have you made an excuse and said, "I don't have any willpower" about that second piece of chocolate cake, the shopping excursion (I could use more discipline here...), or the third or fourth glass of wine. Willpower keeps us from taking responsibility; it's not our fault—we just don't have any willpower. We believe we either have it or we don't. And it's a lot about what we believe we deserve. 

Discipline is a choice. Discipline moves us forward, leads to achievement, and helps us accomplish more than we think possible—even if we don't believe we deserve it. Few of us are savants, so to achieve something, we must be disciplined about practice, whether playing sports, an instrument, even the lottery... Sometimes we must be disciplined about just getting through our day-to-day, as well as those lofty goals, like retiring early, traveling the world, or even finding a new job that's a step toward achieving these. 

Try changing your internal language and swap out willpower for discipline. Then get up in the morning and meditate when you want to sleep in. Write daily in a journal. Exercise and skip the sugary beverages. Connect with people when you'd rather isolate or watch TV. Discipline will keep you motivated when you feel like it's too hard. There's a reason to bother: life gets better. 

The magic of discipline

Discipline is something we develop; it's not something we're born with. It's building a muscle, or forming a habit. It's doing something consistently, for a reason you care about. If you miss a mark, you haven't failed; you get up and keep going. Forge ahead doing what you say you're going to do because you choose to.  

To create the life you want, discipline is essential. Start with small things, do the hard things, but just do them. And keep doing them. Soon, it'll be easier.  And you'll be celebrating successes. 

With discipline, nearly anything is possible. 

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Deciding means nothing without action

The face in this stump taunts. 

One piece of early career advice came when I was an ad agency account coordinator. Always eager to grow and learn, I asked Stan, a senior PR guy I respected, for words of wisdom. Those words stayed with me: Make a decision, any decision. Just make one.

I got to test that soon after for one of my clients, the sponsor of a major local parade. A team of classic convertible Mustangs were set to open the show, but for reasons unknown, no one was around to direct the drivers to start. When I realized I was the only one from our team there, a mere coordinator, I made a decision, got them moving, and the parade began.

While being decisive is a highly valued skill in business, decision making doesn't come easy for everyone. Easier is second guessing, doubting our own judgement, or acquiescing to those we think know better. So that was good advice, something I've heeded ever since.

But here's a catch.

To decide doesn't mean anything if no action follows.

Decisions must have action steps

Janine Driver, in a recent TEDx talk in Houston, made me think a little deeper about decisiveness. There's a lot of wiggle room around the word decide, which is both good news and bad news, depending on who's doing the deciding. 

We can decide to change our lives, our thoughts, our experience—something I write about frequently. We can decide to lose weight, or decide on a New Year's resolution. But if we don't take action, that decision is an empty promise. 

So just because you decide something doesn't mean it's set in stone. Make a bad decision? Chances are, you can fix it. A good decision? Breathe a sigh of relief! 

Well-informed decisions are the best kind: when we have enough information about the topic at hand, we can make decisions that matter. 

When it isn't your decision

Sometimes others make decisions for us, and let's say we don't agree with those decisions. While some decisions are irreversible, like a job layoff, others... well, they may be negotiable. 

Driver adds 'ly' to decide and says, "Decidedly because changes what was." Yes, that's awkward, but stay with me for a moment. The clincher is in the word because. She says words that end in 'ly' are wiggle words—words like typically, usually, likely, and while most of us don't use the word 'decidely', she has a point.

Decided means there may be another way. Just like typically. Or usually. Or likely. All of these have an out-clause, meaning there's another potential option. The 'ly' added to a word creates uncertainty. Sure, it may be in part semantics, but when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. 

How we make decisions

Driver describes the decision-making process: we research, then we reason (because), which leads to results. In my above example, the research was done previously: I knew what was supposed to happen. But reason showed up when I realized there wasn't anyone there actually doing what had to be done, that someone had to do it, and that someone was me. The result was that the parade started on time.

Ask for what you want

Her point was this: fight for what you want. If we hear those words: decide(dly), typically, usually, likely, that means there are other options. 

She cited a work situation: If your boss says they usually don't promote employees until after their first full year, but you feel you deserve a promotion, usually is your out-clause. Ask for what you want. Usually means an exception can almost certainly be made.

Words matter. 

Make a decision

Whenever I find myself floundering, stuck, or unsure, I tell myself: Just make a decision. Doesn't matter if it's the right one or the best one. Just make one. Everything starts with a decision. Even if it's just what to wear to work, or more broadly, where to work. 

Keep in mind, there are no mistakes, just opportunities to learn. Try on whatever you decide, act on it, see if it fits. If what you decided feels flawed or doesn't work the way you thought it would, change it. But make a decision.  

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.