We can't fight what we can't see

Daisies symbolize love,
beauty, and new beginnings.

There's a lot of unrest in the world right now, and this creates unrest within us, too. I'm not going to say much about the world at large here, as I aim to keep this largely apolitical, but I feel compelled to say something. 

The strife in the world is uncomfortable for many of us scary for more of us, and even dangerous for some of us. 

But I want to point out that much of what's happening in the world right now, particularly based on what people believe about the world and other people, isn't new. What's different is that those who hold beliefs about others based on ignorance and misinformation now have permission to vocalize and act on those beliefs in ways that are detrimental to individuals and the greater good. 

We can change the world

I am forever an optimist, and I believe that change is coming that will be better for all people. That said, it's likely to be painful; hell, it already is. 

Sadly, not everyone believes as I do, that "in our sameness we connect, in our differences we grow" (Virginia Satir, author, 'mother' of family therapy). Some feel very threatened by those who are different. 

But we can't change what's hidden, and with so much hate and anger now visible, we can fight it. We know what we're up against. 

For those of us who hold different beliefs, it's time to find what's ours to do. We must take a stand, speak up and speak out, and do what we can to create change. We have power, individually and collectively. 

Little things or big, it all counts

Sometimes all we can do is hold space, and that's OK. Energy matters. Putting compassionate, caring energy into the world has a profound ripple effect, so if that's all you can do, do that. 

If you can do more, do that. One singer / songwriter / friend holds "Pie and Persistence" house concerts, believing that backyard and living room gatherings with pie and music are where we connect, grow, and can make a difference. In just over two years, she's raised more than $20,000 for non-profits fighting the good fight. I've held two (and attended many more at homes all over the city): one for the National Resource Defense Council, another for Powerful Voices, an organization that supports girls of color to become leaders. I'll attest: these gatherings are powerful. 

Others are donating individually or volunteering. Many host birthday fundraisers on Facebook. Others are sharing their world views in ways that add to collective understanding and don't diminish other people. There is no shortage of opportunity to do something that matters. 

Our internal worlds are just as important

All this applies to our internal world, too. We can't change what we can't see. And to live a fulfilled, satisfying life, we must continue to learn, grow, and ultimately change. Ceasing to do so will literally kill us. 

That's why any kind of change means surfacing underlying beliefs that hold us back. Twelve-step programs require a moral inventory. Therapy and coaching require deep self-reflection. We must create awareness for those beliefs, behaviors, and mindsets that don't serve us. When we have this awareness, we can start living more mindful, conscious and empowered lives.  

What we do inside spreads outside 

When we start to live more consciously and authentically, we benefit the world at large. As we have more, we give more. As we feel happier, we spread happiness. When we do good for us, it's so much easier to do good for the world. As we have more energy, the world around us responds. Energy circulates.  

If you're not sure how to make a difference in our crazy universe, start with the two-feet in front of you and behind you. Take care of you in the best way you know how, do that deep work to find your highest and best self and remove beliefs that keep you small, and you'll be giving yourself and the world a huge gift. 

This may not be easy, but it's worth it, and definitely possible. We all deserve more joy, satisfaction, compassion, and forgiveness. 

Start with 'us'

The bottom line: to make the world a better place, whether our own individual worlds, or a much broader world, we must make visible that which is hidden. Start with you, me, us. Seek your internal truth. Give generously and often in any way you can. Don't be afraid of change. We must change. 

And eventually, love will win. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."

Indeed, it does... 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

A simple mindset shift changes everything

Callas: a symbol of
purity or death,
depending on what you
believe: kill that self-
defeating self-talk and
replace it with pure goodness.

Louise Hay first taught me to "change my thoughts, change my life" back in the 1980s when she published You Can Heal Your Life. I've used this strategy many times since, although sometimes it takes me a while to get there. It's simple, but not easy, and my brain's been known to play tricks. 

For example, a simple abundance lesson... My self-talk around money for a long time was two-fold: there's never enough, and I can't afford it. I didn't have good money models growing up, with mom living paycheck to paycheck or on credit, with plenty of emotional shop therapy. I see now how our money mindsets are much deeper than they appear.  

Clarify your priorities...

Checking your mindset about money, your self-worth, and what you believe you deserve are all pieces of your financial well-being. When I finally let go of those two beliefs, and dug deeper around other beliefs that impacted my well-being, like what I can have and what I can't, my financial well-being improved. Now, I no longer say I can't afford it. Instead, I have choices: 

• this is or isn't how I want to spend my money; 
• it is or isn't a priority; 
• it is or isn't aligned with what I say I want... 
• and if it's something I really want but the money isn't in the bank, I can focus on creating better circumstances to get it. Once committed, providence moves... 

...But I'll add a caveat: We have to know the stories we tell ourselves and actively work to change them to change our experience. 

Rethink your words

I had a huge a-ha the other morning.

I mentioned in my last post I started a 10-day Life Optimization challenge, which starts out with some intense (for me, given how little I do lately) exercise. I found myself thinking, "I'm really out of shape." There's a Facebook member group where participants share our experience, and someone else wrote something similar. But coach and facilitator Ryan Niddel's response took that "change my thoughts, change my life" mindset to a new level for me.  

His response? Instead say, "It feels so good to be getting in shape again."

Mic drop. 

So simple, but so big.  

Change your energy...

When I shifted my focus, my energy changed immediately. Until then, my backstory was: this is a ton of work; I'm never going to get back in shape; I don't know if I can do this... and I was a little sad, frustrated and discouraged. But that one shift in self-talk changed everything. My energy level increased. I now feel encouraged and hopeful. The pain in my arms and abdominals almost feels good! At least, it's a very present reminder that I'm doing something good for myself.

Lily of the valley
symbolizes a
"return to happiness"

...Change your experience

Another story: A woman in the group didn't have all the ingredients for the green smoothie we added on day 2, nor the money to buy them. But on day 3, she decided she was worth the investment, and used the last of her money to buy the ingredients because of that mindset message. She looked radiant in the selfie she posted (selfies are required; yet another step out of my comfort zone). 

On his podcast, Ryan recently talked about a similar situation when looking for a new office. He has several options available, all at different price points, and the amenities that either do or don't come with that. As he ponders his choices... does he want to play small or step into something bigger? How will each of these options make him feel about his business? About going to work every day? What impact will his environment have on his productivity? Will spending more on something he truly desires create a better outcome? Will spending less contribute to playing smaller? 

These types of decisions have the potential to be self-fulfilling prophecies... Just sayin'... 

That's not to say we should behave irresponsibly, but how do we decide what's responsible or if it just keeps us safe and playing small? 

What we tell ourselves has consequences

These stories are worthy of consideration when we think about the messages we tell ourselves and the impact they have on our lives. Our self-talk affects our work, our relationships, how we live, even the friends we have. 

How does what you say in your head directly influence your actions, and your results? When you think about what you want your life to look like, and how you feel about yourself, are they in alignment? And if not, what do you need to do to close the gap? How can you change your thinking to change what you experience? 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

Are you interested or committed? Why it matters...

When you commit wholeheartedly, nearly everything is possible.  

The multitude of lilac suckers
in my garden suggest they're
fully committed to thriving. 

Don't believe me? When you successfully achieve a goal you set for yourself, or realize a dream you have, how did you accomplish it? Were you committed to the result you wanted, or merely interested?  

There's a clear distinction between the two. 

Knowing the difference matters. 

Whatever you want to do in life, choose it, claim it, and then commit to it. If you're only interested, the odds of getting it aren't in your favor. If there's something you really want to experience, accomplish, or achieve, you must commit. 

Commitment = accomplishment...

Commitment means you will accomplish the goal you've set or the dream you desire because you'll do whatever it takes to make it happen, no matter how slow or how many obstacles show up to derail you. It's an investment of time, resources, energy... you're all in. 

For example, I'm interested in:

• Being more fit and exercising regularly so I have more energy 
• Improving my overall health by not eating sugary things
• Getting bad habits in check by re-doing a Whole30 reset
• Having greater resources in the bank by spending less and saving more

Am I doing what I must to achieve these? Partly. Recognizing as I write this, I've set goals and intentions, but clearly I'm not fully committed to doing all it takes to achieve them. There are too many shiny objects, too many squirrels, too many opportunities to eat badly and do things that don't align with what I say I want. I see progress, but based on my actions and choices, I won't get the result I want, especially in my desired time frame.


It's not willpower... 

Willpower doesn't apply. Willpower is one of those words that sends me running in the other direction, like diet, where suddenly I'm famished and want to eat anything I can, especially the things I usually say no to. 

Determination and discipline, along with clarity about what you really want, are what it takes to get what you want. If you don't think you're disciplined, think about a time you've really wanted something. What did you do? What actions did you take?  

Cherry blossoms add beauty,
and return year after year,
but they don't have the
tenacity of lilacs.

Knowing whether you're committed or interested will tell you what's really important to you. 

How to tell the difference? Notice how motivated you are to do the thing in front of you that leads toward the result you want. Sometimes we look too far ahead (it's not the mountains ahead, but the rocks in your shoe...), and it all feels too hard. You don't feel capable, or you don't have the resources you need. Maybe it suddenly feels impossible, and the voice in your head says you can't. Some of us are afraid of failing, some, of succeeding, because even success has risks. If you're commitment-phobic, that doesn't serve you. You can always change your mind if you come across new information, or replace the goal or dream with something better. 

Energy conspires in your favor... 

I've also come to believe this: Once one is committed, providence moves on your behalf.

Rightly or wrongly attributed to philosophical author Goethe, once you commit to something—fully commit—I'm certain you'll find evidence for this. 

Hindsight being 20/20, I have proved this to myself again and again, often when it comes to career choices. And whether you believe in providence, a higher power, ether, energy, meta- or quantum physics... something out there makes it true. 

You don't have to believe me. Test it. Fully commit, know it, feel it, visualize the result you want, and take the step you see in front of you. What's yours to do? If you don't know, trust it'll reveal itself and do what shows up. It may take some time, and there may be two steps forward and one step back, but I'm certain that when you look back at some point in the future, you'll see how things have opened up to help you get where you want to go.  

I think I first heard this in Landmark Education's The Forum a lifetime ago, when I and all my workmates did this crazy thing together in Vancouver. Three days in a room filled with rules seemed over the top, but having spent that time together and learned the things we learned, we accomplished more than we expected during a year-long project bringing music and tourism to British Columbia. It was intense, but it was fun, and this, and a number of other learnings from that time, stuck with me. 

Test it!

What do you want to achieve today? This week? This year? In your lifetime? Are you interested or are you committed? Try it today—what will you commit to just for today? Like they say in 12-step programs, just for today is a great place to start. Just for today, commit to one thing to test the result. Be sure you're committed, though, and not just interested. 

Here's one to try if you're stuck. Today, commit to loving yourself fully. What would that look like? Do you feed your body the fuel it needs to function or do you feed your emotions for comfort? What's the result? Do you get outside and get some air and walk for exercise? Are your actions aligned with your goals and desires? Do you do the things you say are important to you? At the end of the day, what do you want to be able to say you did, felt, experienced? Claim it, commit to it, and see what happens.  

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here.