Lining up ducks...

This is going to seem like even more of a non-sequitur than anything else on here lately, but here it goes:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Thanks to the most quotable Mark Twain.

I used to have the "explore, dream, discover" on my refrigerator when I lived in Vancouver. A lifetime ago, in so many ways. Imagine that. Life showed up and I'm more entrenched in the harbor than I ever thought I'd be. Although it's suddenly not feeling very safe.

I'm familiar with an unsafe harbor. That place is more often than not one of my more creative places. But then something happens and life continues on.

And now, I have to pay heed to this. If nothing else, a blinding wake-up call...

At various times, I'm sure I believed that I was just - and probably was on some level - getting my ducks lined up in a row. But maybe I was just moving them around... and maybe thinking other, friendly, more worldly or wise ducks, were lining up, too - maybe even to come along, or show me the way, or better yet, keep me safe along the journey. It's food for thought.

Life is short, and while lining up some ducks can make the sail a bit sweeter, perhaps only some of them really need to line up. And while sharing the experience would be nice, I can probably get there on my own, in one piece, not too worse-for-wear. There are a few I'm not sure what to do with, but if I commit and take real steps to do in earnest what I say I've always wanted, then maybe the universe will provide an answer.

Underway. And I'm not going to be afraid to rock the boat. But meanwhile, my heart aches beyond description, and I'm sad beyond belief that I will not be sharing the rest of this journey with the man I called my life partner.