Things I want to punch

Intentionality: This bird gets it!

Forget passion. Instead, what do you want to punch, asks Leap Frog author and acquaintance Nathalie Molina Niño. She knows a thing or five about this. She has started, funded, or grown numerous companies, among other countless achievements. 

Her recently-published book is directed at women entrepreneurs, but it's a good question for all of us to think about if we want to make the world a better place, improve our own experience, or make a difference in some way. 

Do what you love? 

The huge focus of the last decade or so on following your passion or doing what you love makes sense for some, but not everyone is clear about what that is. Some of us never dreamed, and some have no time because we're working too much or caring for others. Even if we are clear, we may be clueless about how to prioritize it or, ideally, make a living at it. 

So instead, consider: What do you want to fix? What would you like to be different? What makes you mad? Getting clear on this might just lead you to uncover those beneath-the-surface passions. We don't need to be visionaries to change the world, start a business, or even find more satisfaction in our lives. What makes us mad could be enough. 

...we have endless opportunities

Molina Niño suggests we list the 10 things we want to punch. That's where the opportunities lie. Who can't come up with a list of 10? The book is filled with hacks for self-employment or for those who want to scale their business; it's also loaded with success stories that can be applied to life experiences outside of self-employment.  

Corporate culture is one of those things that's had my back up for most of my working life. I have long felt that corporate life is unhealthy—yet that's where I spend most of my days. I found evidence of that again just this week. 

Empowerment? Not so much... .

Here's (just) one of those things I'd like to punch. I had my annual review, an archaic process that ultimately exists for two reasons: a paper trail for performance issues, and compensation—what your pay should be. The implied or stated intent, however, is to help employees grow, improve, and stay focused on objectives. 

There are better ways... 

There wasn't anything wrong with my review. I do my work, and I do it well. But I find even good reviews undermine that intent because 1) someone else decides my worth, what I'm good at, and my 'growth opportunities' largely based on their bias and opinion (and of course, company needs, not mine), and 2) there are better ways to motivate and offer feedback. True, I gave them permission in exchange for a paycheck. If 'driving performance' to increase earnings is the organization's modus operandi, which, frankly, is true of nearly all corporations, there are better ways. Some of the larger Fortune 500 companies already know this and do it differently. 

Research shows that when we're able to live more purposefully and authentically, when we experience more satisfaction, we're actually more productive, at work or in life overall. Most of us already know what we do well, where we have room to grow, and at least have an inkling of what we want our life experience to be like. But we settle, often for the 'security' of a paycheck or because that's what we know. 

We don't have to.  

Ask why

An exercise during a recent online workshop asked us to find the 'why' behind the choices we make and actions we take. It asked us to go deeper than the traditional 'ask why five times' per the Lean process from which it derived, and instead ask seven times to find our ultimate intrinsic motivation. 

While I haven't gone that deep yet, one layer of my why is to help people change the way they experience work, and to humanize the workplace. I do this with some coaching clients, and to a lesser degree, in my communications role. But Nathalie's question, the deep dive into why, and my review, piqued my curiosity about how I might take this further. I don't have answers yet, but it feels worthy of exploring.  

Anger motivates 

Did you read my recent post about anger? Anger is information, and it's loaded with energy. Certainly there are more things I want to proverbially punch, and I'm sure you have a few, too. This is good—it means you can use that information to change the world for the better. 

We don't need to impact or influence thousands or even hundreds of people. One small change in ourselves, be it action step or mindset, also leads to change in our immediate sphere, and that leads to the butterfly effect that radiates outward and ultimately creates positive change in the world. We have more power than we think we do. 

Do what's yours to do

We don't have to want to change the world, but most of us have something in our lives we'd like to be different, whether at work, at home, or when we're out in the world, even among friends and family. 

We don't even have to know exactly what it is, or how to do it. What we must do is notice what isn't fair, isn't right, or doesn't work. As noted, even the smallest action can create big change. 

Know your value, know your worth. Then do what shows up in front of you—whether it's an idea, a cause, an action step—because it will. And if you know why it's important to you, you can't be stopped. 

So what makes you angry? What do you want to punch? 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here.

Mindfulness habits to do every day

I'm cheating a little this week in my commitment to write a post a week. Back when I worked for a health insurance company, I wrote wellness posts for their lifestyle blog. Most of those posts are no longer available, and there were several I really liked, including this one. It originally posted on Nov. 3, 2013, and for posterity, I'm posting it here (with a few minor modifications). 


60 Seconds of Mindfulness

I have a hamster wheel in my head. The speed and velocity of the spinning depend on whatever's going on in my world at a given time—I have a busy job and I'm in a training program that takes up many of my non-work hours. Conscious effort is needed to slow the spinning, and maintaining any kind of regular meditation practice is a continual challenge. 

On a whim, I picked up an Eckhart Tolle CD about meditation while shopping at my local food co-op. Author of The Power of Now, I'm only loosely familiar with Tolle's work. I've found while conceptually I like his work, I don't love his writing. But I digress.

While I don't always practice it, I've long subscribed to the notion that the point of power is in the present moment. The CD's subtitle is, "practicing presence in every moment of your life," so I thought I'd give it a shot. 

The nugget came early in the CD. Tolle says even those who achieve great states of consciousness when they meditate may still have gaps in their daily lives. He suggests finding ways to bring presence into everyday life, recommending mini-meditations—something you can do wherever you are. For example, every time you get in your car, take 30 seconds to practice being present. 

Mini-meditation? I was intrigued. Now I have a daily practice of two 60-second meditations, once before I leave my driveway for work in the morning, and again when I leave work in the evening. I knew I needed a reminder until I formed a habit, so I put a sticker on my dashboard that reads :60. An unwitting passenger might see this as a note-to-self to do the speed limit on the freeway, but I know differently. 

My 60-second meditations change daily, but I typically focus on one of the following.  


Presence

To stay present in the moment, I may focus on my breath, noticing my inhales and exhales. Sometimes I check in with how I feel both inside and out. For example, when I'm aware of my current anxiety, as I focus for 60 seconds, it dissipates. Or I notice that the temperature is cold, and I'm suddenly more cognizant of my immediate physical surroundings. I may hear birds or traffic, and rather than worrying about my to-do list, I'll focus on what I hear. 

Gratitude

I have so much to be grateful for, yet it's sometimes easy to forget when the day-to-day gets in the way. I direct my attention here: I have a great job, a comfortable home, a partner who loves me, and I'm healthy. Some days, it's just the little things (like fuzzy slippers, dry shoes, or having money for lunch). 

Setting intentions

What do I want to create or accomplish today? Intentions look to the future, but they're stated as if they already exist. These help keep me focused and mindful throughout the day, responding rather than reacting to whatever shows up.

Stating affirmations

Affirmations are a bit like exercise. Do them enough and they can help shift your thinking, break a habit, or reinforce your stated intentions. Even something as simple as, "I'm capable and I can do this" in moments of self-doubt can have exceptional results. 

It may only be two minutes a day, but it works. I started this practice a few months ago, and I've noticed I'm more focused and calm. I can also apply this technique if the day starts getting the best of me, anytime, anywhere. While the hamster wheel may still spin, it's spinning less often and not nearly as fast. 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here.

5 simple steps to take when nothing feels possible...

Spring is late this year;
the crocus only just showed its colors.
Nighttime temps are still in the 30s (F). 

Maybe it's just Mercury in retrograde. I'm not very versed in what that means, but when others remind me, I usually say, "Oh! Now it makes sense!" 

What I notice is that something doesn't feel right. Planetarily, Mercury went retro on March 5, so that could explain my last week or so.

I've felt a little SAD (for those who live in sunnier climes, that's Seasonal Affective Disorder—an acronym that actually describes its associated feeling) and unproductive. I couldn't put my finger on why, even with valid reasons like a long winter and painful anniversaries of long-past March events.

I don't track retrograde dates, and...  should there be actual truth to the retrograde effect, those who know say it contributes to crossed communication, unexpected tensions, missed connections, etc. Rather than make bold moves, sign contracts, or have heartfelt conversations, they say it's a better time to reflect and just be. However, I know some of us don't do this well without prompting.

So let this be your prompt. 

Take time out, stop, think, and contemplate what you want your world to look like, be like. The time for action will come—just not yet.

Here's a list of simple, albeit not always easy, self-care strategies to use until you can take your next steps. It might require some mental gymnastics or shifting some energy, but you can do that. There's not a lot of 'action' in these steps.

1. Be compassionate and forgiving of yourself. Feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt, ineffectiveness, or just low energy, can show up and stop us. Remember this happens to everyone, even though our social media highlight reels make that seem untrue. Here's a line I've read and heard numerous times: Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides.  
2. Check your self talk. If your inner critic is doing all the talking, think about how you'd talk to your best friend. Then do that for yourself. What would you want that friend to tell you right now? Say that. And say it over and over, even if you don't believe it.  
3. Take stock and do small things. What are you able to do right now? Can you go for a walk? Have coffee with a friend? Maybe listen to a meditation app like Insight Timer or affirmations online. If it's too much work to make a green smoothie, can you buy one? If you usually pray but can't, listen to the Hawaiian Hoʻoponopono. Whatever you can do, do that, and acknowledge yourself for it. Know that food and exercise affect your mood, so even small tweaks can help lift the fog. 
4. Be grateful. Every day, remind yourself and reflect on what you're grateful for in that moment. 
5. Surrender. Sometimes, that's all there is to do. I've found that word coming out of my mouth more times than not lately. My word, or theme, for the year, is manifest... but perhaps surrender must come first.  

And here's a bonus step. Ask for help. I add this as a bonus because most of us can't, or won't, ask. It's a very hard thing for many to do. But it's also important. And if you can't, or won't, ask someone with the physical or emotional means to help, then say it out loud or write it down and let the universe, your higher power, or whatever you believe, think, or hope might be out there, know. Ask for what you need and be specific.

It gets better...

Even during our darkest hours, there's always something to hope for and be grateful for. As Leonard Cohen sang, the cracks are how the light gets in. When we're stuck and pondering, frustrated and worried, we can trust that answers will come, and at some point, everything will look better and brighter than before. It's almost always true.

Note I say this from a place of relative comfort—I am healthy, partnered, and I have a job and a home. I know at least one of these isn't true right now for people I care deeply about. Still, despite the sadness I feel and my desire to take their pain away, I must trust that what happens in our lives leads to our highest and greatest good. I know it's been true for me, and I've had some hard knocks.

When we stop learning and leaning in to life, even its hardships, we stop living. And damned if that hard sh*t doesn't move us forward in ways we couldn't have imagined. It won't feel like it at the time, and likely won't for a long time, until one day we look back in hindsight and realize we're thankful for what we gained. We learn to navigate, and with that, we get closer to having the lives we want, when so much more is possible.

Mercury leaves retrograde on the 28th, when spring will be in full swing. So if waiting it out is what you've got, do one of those small things listed above. Even if they feel hard. They'll keep the momentum moving so that when the fog lifts, you can take that next step, and maybe even leap.

What's your strategy when the fog rolls in thick and heavy, and nothing feels possible? Let me know what works for you.

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here. 

If you can dream it...

Living the dream... 

Usually that's said with sarcasm. But isn't living the dream what we all want? 

And... most of us slog through our days, far from the dreams we assumed we'd achieve.  

What about you? Do you still have unfulfilled dreams?  

I'm a product of the 70s, and perhaps consequently, a sucker for a great guitar solo. But not just any guitar solo. I'd argue that the best of the best is Frank Zappa's Watermelon in Easter Hay from Joe's Garage. 

Before Frank launches into the solo, however, we hear from the Central Scrutinizer: 

Joe has just worked himself into an imaginary frenzy... 
He begins to feel depressed... he knows the end is near... 
He has realized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the mind of the imaginer. 
And ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway???... 

My central scrutinizer, the one I call my inner mean girl, what some call their inner critic or gremlin, can stop me flat. 

Usually when we put our dreams aside, it's because life gets in the way, or we're afraid of what others might think, that we'll be judged, or that we're not good enough, not capable enough. We scrutinize our dreams, think they're ridiculous, or that we're ridiculous, and give them up, because, really, who gives a fuck anyway? There was a time when my "who gives a fuck" was "why bother... nobody cares... why should I care...?"


We're our own creative force... 

I go to a little spiritual center on the occasional Sunday, an affiliate of the Center for Spiritual Living and based on the principles of Science of Mind. This year's theme is built around the book, The 12 Conditions of a Miracle, about creating miracles in our everyday lives, and ultimately, about keeping dreams alive and making them real. 

I got goosebumps last Sunday when the guest singer, Michelle Chappel, sang another 70s classic, and my past, present and future collided into a jumbled bundle of emotion. I thought about dreams unrealized, maybe dreams never dreamed because I didn't know I could dream... but I also felt hopeful, about dreams now unfolding.  

Find your gold... 

What kid didn't want to win a golden ticket? Who doesn't want to win the proverbial gold? 

Hold your breath

Make a wish, count to three...

Take a look and you'll see
Into your imagination...

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanna change the world?
There's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be

Nothing like a kid in a candy store, except a kid in a magic candy factory. Talk about dreams! Pure Imagination, sung by Gene Wilder in the original Willy Wonka, is as magical and hopeful today as it was then. 

Mind candy...

We all have dreams. As I wrote this post, so many songs about dreams came to mind. Clearly, our dreams are important. They're in part what gives our lives meaning. Another favorite: The Impossible Dream from Man from La Mancha. Or how about this from Pinocchio? 

When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are... Anything your heart desires will come to you...

What do you wish for, long for, hope for? What do you still want to realize before you leave this mortal plane? Sometimes it's as simple, albeit not easy, as shifting perspective, of seeing what's in front of you in new light, feeling grateful for the good you do have, and making the connection to your dream. 

Sometimes, however, there might be very real actions you can take to start living those dreams. 

Now might be the time to check in and see what dreams are still worth pursuing, and then move that dream from the mind of the imaginer to your own real life. Create your own golden ticket by taking a step or two every day to make it happen. 

Because when the end is near, you're the only one you have to answer to. It's your life you'll look back on. You're the only one who has to give a fuck. 

Dream it. Do it. No regrets. 



If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here.