Start 2020 with a strong foundation: 3 practices

Peace lily

On a recent stormy morning, Sam Harris guided me in the Buddhist practice of loving-kindness. Each day, the Waking Up 50-day course offers a different style or approach to meditation. Loving-kindness isn't new to me but I don't use it much... and then I had an a-ha moment.

Why NOT practice loving-kindness? Not as part of my morning meditation, but... Every. Single. Day. All. Day. When I'm out in the world, at work, in traffic, with friends... why not just wish everyone I encounter happiness, wellness, safety, and peace?

I typically start my year with gratitude—it's at the core of everything else—but this feels like it needs to be at the core, too. I want to make this a new habit.   

A quick note: My new year planning starts in late December (birthday/solstice weekend), but how I want my year to unfold, what I want to create, how I want to feel, and what intentions I'll set fall into place over about a month. It's OK to take time with this. It's your life!  

Here are three practices you can try, too. 

1) Loving-kindness

The loving-kindness practice, or 'metta meditation', starts with us: May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease—essentially putting on our own oxygen mask before we care for others.

But my new a-ha was... why not do this for others, at any time, in any circumstance? I do my

The traveling Buddha
in my garden

morning meditation and listen to an affirmation I recorded, so I already start my day with self-care. How would my day be different if I adopted this mindset all day every day, every time I feel frustrated or defeated at work, or when I feel triggered by a situation? 

This seems like a great way to smile more, too, which author and entrepreneur Dean Graziosi says decreases stress. A smile tells your subconscious you're happy, even if you weren't just a minute before. And if you radiate positivity, he says, you attract similar people into your life. Who knew smiling was a success habit, and who doesn't want more positive people and experiences in our lives?

What if I practiced loving-kindness with a smile on my face? How powerful would that be?

2) Forgiveness

To have any kind of peace, we must forgive others... and we must also forgive ourselves. Both of these acts benefit us in countless ways. And while we must forgive someone else for any harm they cause, two things: it doesn't mean we forget or condone, and we do this for ourselves as much if not more than we do it for them. 

This practice is an essential part of our healing and self-care toolkit; it allows us to be free of the past, let go of suffering and resentments, and move toward the life we want with self-compassion.

It's often easier to forgive someone else than ourselves, especially for what we think. We've all hurt someone at some point, usually unintentionally, but who reading this hasn't experienced being your own worst enemy, flogging yourself far worse than anyone else would for indiscretions and mistakes? One critical step to changing this habit and moving on is forgiveness.

A daily forgiveness practice can be simple. I include mine in an affirmation I recorded that I listen to each morning and evening, but even just a statement to yourself in the mirror each day, or catching yourself beating yourself up, may be enough. And... perhaps combine it with your new loving-kindness practice... Just sayin'... You can also say or listen to the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono chant: I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. I can't explain it, but this has power. Listen to Carrie Grossman's version here. 

Without forgiveness, true peace-of-mind will always be elusive. Jack Kornfield has far better words than I do about the practice and its importance. If you haven't spent any time doing this work, I encourage you to read his book, The Art of Forgiveness, Loving-Kindness, and Peace, since it's not for the faint of heart if you're just beginning.

3) And yes, gratitude 

Anyone who's read anything on this blog knows that gratitude underpins everything else for me. I am nothing if not grateful for all of my life experiences, even the painful ones, for everything I have, and for all that's yet to be.

This is the one practice I encourage everyone to adopt, as it immediately makes life better. Where focus goes, energy flows. However you do it... whether you jot a daily journal entry, send a message to a gratitude partner as I do, or put a note in your phone. Something to consider, if you don't use a journal for other types of writing: physically handwriting sends a message to your brain and further enhances neuroplasticity, creating new pathways for good. Acknowledge what you have, even if you don't have much, and attract more of what fulfills you. 

A friend gave me some 'pocket affirmation' cards for my birthday. I wasn't feeling particularly grateful earlier today, so I pulled one. Here's my message: I am proud of myself. I take the time to celebrate how far I've come, even if I'm not yet where I want to be. This couldn't have been more fitting as I lamented my current work frustrations. Which is exactly what this recent Forbes article about gratitude speaks to... we just never know where we'll find our lessons. I'm not where I want to be, but I am extraordinarily grateful for where I am. As I have said many times, my life could have been so different, and more than likely not in a good way. 

There's wisdom everywhere if we're open to receiving it.

Why it matters 

Of course, there are goals to set and lists to make and tasks to start to get the year rolling along, but putting mindfulness practices like these—along with meditation and/or journaling—in place right out of that proverbial gate provides a solid foundation from which to achieve everything else that, after 365 days, will deem the year a success.

Gratitude and forgiveness are my foundation, but I'm eager to see how adding a loving-kindness practice will add to my day—and my year. 

The world needs more kindness, empathy, and compassion, and these further that ideal. As we embrace and embody these practices, we also attract those who share that desire, which then makes our own lives better, too.  

Outside of goal or resolution setting, do you have any practices you do consistently at the start of each year? What do you do that helps to ensure success?


If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to subscribe (see right column), share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here. 

Ready, set... reset

I took this photo when I stayed here 6 years ago, 
and my 'seagull series' remains a favorite. 
This may have even been from the 
same balcony. 

A storm came up on my Thursday drive to Cannon Beach, Oregon from Seattle, with unrelenting high wind and pelting rain until Saturday morning. I hunkered down in my hotel room—a good thing since I paid extra for that ocean-front view this time.  

I'm deeply in need of a reset: body, mind, spirit... from diet to finances to... well, right now it feels like everything. This place is magic for me: open ocean, crashing waves, lengthy beaches, monolithic sea stacks, a delightful town center, fantastic local food, and, were I to venture farther, more charming pocket towns to explore along the coast just a short drive away.  

Revisiting self-care

How I reset can take different forms, depending on my current experience: stream-of-consciousness writing, journaling, reading, walking, meditating, a change in diet, or as of this moment, staring at and listening to the ocean, sitting next to the fire. Sometimes just a change in scenery has a powerful impact.  

I came here loaded with books, a journal and notepads, my laptop, tea, a swimsuit and running shoes, my camera, and nourishing things—because I don't yet know what "reset" requires.  

I use Insight Timer nearly every morning to help me meditate, a practice I aim for but can't say I'm good at, but sets the tone for my day. Lately, I'm not very focused, so I need that "me time." 

Waking up

A friend pinged me with some urgency before I left to suggest I listen to Sam Harris, both his podcast Making Sense and his Waking Up meditation course during this reset. His timing was perfect.  

On the drive, I listened to Sam's podcast with Roland Griffiths, Ph.D., a Johns Hopkins University professor of psychiatry and neuroscience. He's doing extraordinary work with psychedelics. Researchers today are building on work that started in the 1940s but got sidelined in the '60s; sadly, recreational psychedelic use freaked out the powerful who then killed the research. Thankfully, research now shows intriguing results for those who suffer from otherwise hard-to-treat conditions, like PTSD. Michael Pollan ("eat food, mostly plants, not too much") speaks to this in How to Change Your Mind.  

I also started Sam's Waking Up course to help unwind, regroup, and regenerate. 

Year-end intention

That's my intention for the next two weeks: regroup, reset, regenerate. 

This year-end reset ritual is a regular practice, although how I do it differs each year. My birthday (Dec. 19) and winter solstice—the shortest day and longest night of the year—marks the beginning of my self-reflection—my own new year. For many cultures, this is a solstice tradition; both solstice celebrations and Christmas are grounded in pagan rituals. (Here's an inspiring travel article.)

My prompts for thinking and writing: 

• What do I want my life to look like, particularly the year ahead?
• Are there themes to focus on? 
• Beyond goals, what intentions must be set? 

My birthday dessert, 
Stephanie Inn
chocolate pot-de-creme

Solitude and time alone are requirements, away from distractions and what's familiar.  

I need to breathe, walk, meditate, read, eat well, write, and sleep.... and this weekend, stare at the ocean and listen to the surf.   

Just 'be' 

Sometimes just being is enough. We're always doing, so not doing is essential. Early in Sam's Waking Up course, he quotes Socrates: A life unexamined is not worth living. Or at least, he adds, it may be worth living, but it's not very interesting. Our purpose is to grow and evolve, and we must just be to integrate learning, let go, and recalibrate. 

#soulretreat #selfcareishealthcare #healthcareisselfcare 



If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to subscribe (see right column), share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here. 

Why you should consider a flotation tank

Float pod

Today is a repost of a story I wrote for a lifestyle blog while working for a healthcare company; the original post is here (Actively Northwest, May 4, 2014). Many of my previous posts are no longer live on the original site, so for posterity, posting the content below. I'm still passionate about floating, and recently signed up for a membership at FloatSeattle. 

Float your way to relaxation

Flotation tanks are making a come-back, and they’re great for relaxing and improving focus.

As a kid, I’d lay in the grass on a warm summer day, look at the billowy shapes above, and wonder what it would feel like to float on a cloud.

Flotation is the next best thing.

What is flotation?

I can’t help but hum Also Sprach Zarathustra when entering a float center – the “pod” looks like something out of 2001-A Space Odyssey. First introduced to the public in the early 1970s, flotation was developed by neuropsychologist John Lilly in the 1950s to examine the impact of sensory deprivation on the brain. 

Several modifications later, today, a typical “float center” has several private rooms with a shower and the sci-fi looking pod, which is filled with body temperature water and a high concentration of Epsom-salt (along with a dash of chlorine for safety). Floating fell out of favor during the 1990s, but is gaining momentum again as people look for ways to power down and unplug.

Why do it?

Today, flotation tanks today are largely used for relaxation. But numerous health benefits are also cited, from lowering blood pressure and cortisol levels to pain relief. Endorphins released from the anti-gravity effect are said to be mood-elevating, and some people use flotation to improve focus and for visualization. Some studies say flotation helps with depression and sleep disorders, in addition to stress reduction.  

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned the hamster wheel in my head. I haven’t mentioned that I also constantly fidget – I twirl my hair, tap my foot, crack my knuckles… Inside a float tank, I can’t do anything. It’s just me, alone with my thoughts, and my breath (which at first, seems very, very loud). There is no stimulus. I can’t fidget. There are no distractions.

What’s it like?

While my first float was more years ago than I’m willing to admit, I’ll own up to feeling edgy as I drove to Seattle’s Urban Float in Fremont (editor's note: this location is now closed). The kind of stillness I expect makes me nervous. But Urban Float is a delight to enter, and my private room is warm and comfortable. 

After showering (and they have Everyday Shea products, so no harsh chemicals), stepping into the pod feels like a soft caress – just 10” or so deep, the temperature of the water is perfect. I choose not to have music (earplugs help block external sound and keep the salt out of my ears) and after closing the lid, I turn off the soft blue light from inside the pod. Then… nothing. Well, a little bit of itching. And incessant thinking. 

But eventually, even my brain slows down, the itching stops, and I relax. I am weightless. It’s a lot like meditation without any effort. It’s nearly complete sensory deprivation, and yet I feel completely supported.

An hour goes by and it feels both too short and at times, too long. Ambient music plays five minutes before my time is up.

My takeaway at the end of my hour? “My body is amazing. Everything functions impeccably. I am completely supported.” I hadn’t planned on a new mantra, but I kind of like this one. I feel toxin-free (in addition to buoyancy, the salt pulls toxins away from the body) and very relaxed.

Urban Float provides everything you need – shower products, towels, earplugs. There’s a hairdryer in the one bathroom (perhaps the only drawback is there’s only one loo). An upstairs lounge – for before and after your float – has filtered water or hot tea, with low lighting and comfortable furnishings. It’s a good idea to sit a bit before heading out.

The impact of floating can last for days. I breathe easier, and my body flows a little more smoothly. My daily 60seconds of mindfulness come easily and effortlessly.

Give it a try

Flotation centers are popping up all over. In Seattle, we have Urban Float and Float Seattle (editor's note: my current favorite, with three locations in greater Seattle), and in Tacoma, Northwest Float Center. In Portland, there’s The Float Shoppe. North of the border, the Float House recently opened in Victoria and Vancouver.

If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Don't let your past dictate your future

Gardeners must always check and adjust;
moving plants for better light or drainage...
removing plants that no longer fit,
trying new things...  

Over the last several years, I've made many mindset changes to shift the trajectory of my experience and circumstances for the remainder of my life. Part of that is consistently reminding myself that I can't let my past dictate my future because that creates more of the same. If we want something different than what we've had, we have to do this work. 

One way I do that is to repeat the phrase, 'my future calls me in.'  

But even though I set goals and practice visualization, make vision boards of how I want my life to look and what I want to create, and actively do the other work necessary to grow—forgiveness (particularly self), release, and gratitude—I'm not sure I've known exactly what that means, feels like, or looks like in practice.  

Yesterday morning, I got it. 

Here's what happened, and how you can benefit, too...  

I've had a headache for three weeks.  

You read that right. Three weeks. Doctor said it's a tension headache. Just today, the start of the fourth week, it subsided. For three weeks, every day, I woke up at 4 a.m. with blinding pain, which then subsided by 10 a.m.  

And yes, this is relevant.

I attribute my headache to a number of things, but mostly to computer use. I had a few highly intense weeks at work with crazy deadlines that required doubling down on writing, editing, and online reading, which added a new level of tightness to my already-tight traps across my upper back. Couple this with some emotionally taxing events, an out-of-alignment atlas, and bad sinuses... 

When the headache hit, I was six weeks into a new morning routine and loving it. Waking up a little earlier to start my morning with 50 reps each of squats, push ups, and crunches (and trust me, I had to modify), a green smoothie, water, meditation, a hot/cold shower, and more... that 10-day challenge I wrote about previously. 

But the headache caused an abrupt halt to this, and just this weekend I found enough breathing space to think about what's possible in light of my circumstances. 

When things don't work, check and adjust

Borrowing a phrase from my almost-former colleague, the president who retires at the end of the month, I had to check and adjust. 

On Sunday I decided I could still do this, I just had to do it differently. So I further modified, including my timing. Before bed, I: 

• Do an adapted exercise routine with stretches
• Made my green smoothie for the next morning (for maximum nutrient retention, fill a jar to the rim and cover tightly)
• Continue my gratitude practice, sharing what I'm grateful for that day with my gratitude partner
• Take my hot/cold shower
• Place a hot pack around my neck
• Leave my phone in the living room and read a book instead—a change I wanted to make anyway but wasn't really motivated to do

Headache as catalyst...  

And my mornings: On Monday, after hitting snooze twice, I stumbled into the living room, unlocked my phone and went straight to Insight Timer for a previously selected breathing meditation. I did not pass go, nor did I collect $200... and I did not look at any of the notifications. And after 10 minutes of focused breathing, I wrote. 

That's where the magic happened. 

First, let me say that all this did not make my headache go away. I had a massage on Saturday (love me some Two Smiling Feet), and tortured myself with the foam roller a few times. I'll credit these, along with the newly added stretches, to booting out the headache. As noted earlier, today was the first morning it didn't cause a rude awakening. 

My future calls me in... 

I've read a lot lately about versions of 'future self journaling' (and here's one example from the Holistic Psychologist) and I thought that's what I would do on Monday morning. But what showed up was "the remembering process," a type of journaling I learned about while taking a class a couple of years ago at the spiritual center I go to. 

The book didn't move me; I found it tedious. And at the time, the process didn't come easy.  

But this time, it flowed. 

I wrote as though it was two-and-a-half years into my future, when the changes my partner and I have set in motion finally reach fruition, when those long-ago set dreams are at last fulfilled. 

It was so freeing. I felt light—something I haven't felt in a very long time. 

I wrote about our travel plans, about our house, our work lives, our health. In detail. For pages. And as I wrote it, I felt it as though I really was writing from the future. 

We must feel the change we want to create

A lot of us get this wrong. We're familiar with the new age-y, pop culture phenomena, 'change your thoughts, change your life,' and while that's important and it does create change, there's more that has to happen for real and lasting change.  

Creating what we want requires us to feel the changes to match the thoughts, and believe they're as true as our present moment. Where we're often tripped up is getting stuck in our heads, and not diving deep and uncovering those beliefs that undermine us. But when we do this, we can change anything. We can change our experience of our past so we're empowered and not victims. We can create from what we dream about rather than our previous experience. 

Our minds are pliable...

While by no means a neuroscience expert, I love reading about neuroplasticity and how our minds are capable of far more than we ever thought possible. 

Our minds can't differentiate between the immediate now and the 'now' we're feeling as though it were true. That's why the remembering process works. Our minds think this has already happened, so it, or the energy we are at our most base element, aligns with what we feel. 

The science is more complex, but the concept isn't. Give it a try and see what happens. Write as though you're already living your future—the delicious realization of your dreams, achieving your big, hairy, audacious goals (yep, that's BHAG), and believing it's as true as the air you're breathing this very moment. 

What would you write if these were true and done?  If you feel like it, share your experience in the comments. I'd love to hear about your experience.  

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Mindfulness habits to do every day

I'm cheating a little this week in my commitment to write a post a week. Back when I worked for a health insurance company, I wrote wellness posts for their lifestyle blog. Most of those posts are no longer available, and there were several I really liked, including this one. It originally posted on Nov. 3, 2013, and for posterity, I'm posting it here (with a few minor modifications). 


60 Seconds of Mindfulness

I have a hamster wheel in my head. The speed and velocity of the spinning depend on whatever's going on in my world at a given time—I have a busy job and I'm in a training program that takes up many of my non-work hours. Conscious effort is needed to slow the spinning, and maintaining any kind of regular meditation practice is a continual challenge. 

On a whim, I picked up an Eckhart Tolle CD about meditation while shopping at my local food co-op. Author of The Power of Now, I'm only loosely familiar with Tolle's work. I've found while conceptually I like his work, I don't love his writing. But I digress.

While I don't always practice it, I've long subscribed to the notion that the point of power is in the present moment. The CD's subtitle is, "practicing presence in every moment of your life," so I thought I'd give it a shot. 

The nugget came early in the CD. Tolle says even those who achieve great states of consciousness when they meditate may still have gaps in their daily lives. He suggests finding ways to bring presence into everyday life, recommending mini-meditations—something you can do wherever you are. For example, every time you get in your car, take 30 seconds to practice being present. 

Mini-meditation? I was intrigued. Now I have a daily practice of two 60-second meditations, once before I leave my driveway for work in the morning, and again when I leave work in the evening. I knew I needed a reminder until I formed a habit, so I put a sticker on my dashboard that reads :60. An unwitting passenger might see this as a note-to-self to do the speed limit on the freeway, but I know differently. 

My 60-second meditations change daily, but I typically focus on one of the following.  


Presence

To stay present in the moment, I may focus on my breath, noticing my inhales and exhales. Sometimes I check in with how I feel both inside and out. For example, when I'm aware of my current anxiety, as I focus for 60 seconds, it dissipates. Or I notice that the temperature is cold, and I'm suddenly more cognizant of my immediate physical surroundings. I may hear birds or traffic, and rather than worrying about my to-do list, I'll focus on what I hear. 

Gratitude

I have so much to be grateful for, yet it's sometimes easy to forget when the day-to-day gets in the way. I direct my attention here: I have a great job, a comfortable home, a partner who loves me, and I'm healthy. Some days, it's just the little things (like fuzzy slippers, dry shoes, or having money for lunch). 

Setting intentions

What do I want to create or accomplish today? Intentions look to the future, but they're stated as if they already exist. These help keep me focused and mindful throughout the day, responding rather than reacting to whatever shows up.

Stating affirmations

Affirmations are a bit like exercise. Do them enough and they can help shift your thinking, break a habit, or reinforce your stated intentions. Even something as simple as, "I'm capable and I can do this" in moments of self-doubt can have exceptional results. 

It may only be two minutes a day, but it works. I started this practice a few months ago, and I've noticed I'm more focused and calm. I can also apply this technique if the day starts getting the best of me, anytime, anywhere. While the hamster wheel may still spin, it's spinning less often and not nearly as fast. 


If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find out more here.