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| Looking ahead or looking behind, or just noticing the reflection...? |
When I heard it, I thought... really? The worst thing?? Holy crap. Not doing that. However, from a brief stint in Al-Anon, I recall that owning our stuff and making amends is a big part of recovery, so I know exercises like these can be helpful and healing.
So I took some time for self-reflection and paid a visit to my past.
Looking back over many years, there was a lot of bad behavior, particularly during my teens. Transitioning from that goody-two-shoes I wrote about here, I had few boundaries and couldn't care less about consequences.
However, from that teenage fog, I evolved into a searching, seeking young adult. It wasn't always easy; there were backslides... but I started to care about myself enough to make good decisions and take better care of myself. Perhaps the seeds my grandfather planted--justice, integrity, and gratitude--finally took root; they're now the core of who I am.
Troubled years
I spent many of those teen years looking for love in all the wrong places and numbing myself. I later learned about unconscious beliefs, and what mine were: I didn't belong here on this earthly plane; those I cared about would leave; if anything good came my way, it would be taken away, so why try, why bother... So for a long time, I didn't try, and I didn't bother.
There's an adage: Hurt people hurt people. I mostly just hurt myself, but certainly, there was collateral damage along the way. I'm not proud of that, but it's because of who I was that I can be who I am today.
Change is possible
Somewhere along the way, there were leverage and inflection points. A roommate who had a mental health breakdown. A best friend lost to addiction. Breakups and losses, and some very hard lessons. Then, an introduction to metaphysics. A sociology professor who taught the Handbook to Higher Consciousness. And finally, a job that piqued my curiosity and launched a career, and a Canadian beau who changed my worldview.
An important lesson: We don't do anything alone.
I still have a bit of that rebellious teen within me. I also value freedom, adventure, authenticity, and autonomy.
Looking ahead
There's no way I could have predicted when I was 20 who I would be at 30, nor at 30, who I'd be at 40, and so on. Whoever coined the phrase, "the days are long but the years are short" totally got it. Time slips and memories play tricks, and sometimes it seems that time literally vaporizes.
With the onset of this new decade, I can't predict where I'll be in another 10 years, either. I know what I'd like my life to look like—but it's impossible to know what life lessons lay ahead of me, and what I'll make them mean.
Imagining is a good exercise, though--where you'd like to be 10 years from now: who you'll have in your life, where you'll live, what work you'll do (or not), how much money you'll have, the places you'll go between now and then, the lifestyle you dream about.
Imagining gives you something to strive for, and just like goals, you're more likely to get to the place you want to go if you can see it, feel it, embrace it.
Worst thing ever?
So what was my worst thing? Nope, not saying... I chose a couple from an interesting list, some of which previously required amends, to others and myself.
I don't often revisit my past now because I previously did a lot of healing work. But sometimes it's good to look back again—if only to see how far we've come. The good news: we're never stuck. We can always become a better version of ourselves. We have the power to change.
If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to subscribe (see right column), share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.
I still have a bit of that rebellious teen within me. I also value freedom, adventure, authenticity, and autonomy.
Looking ahead
There's no way I could have predicted when I was 20 who I would be at 30, nor at 30, who I'd be at 40, and so on. Whoever coined the phrase, "the days are long but the years are short" totally got it. Time slips and memories play tricks, and sometimes it seems that time literally vaporizes.
With the onset of this new decade, I can't predict where I'll be in another 10 years, either. I know what I'd like my life to look like—but it's impossible to know what life lessons lay ahead of me, and what I'll make them mean.
Imagining is a good exercise, though--where you'd like to be 10 years from now: who you'll have in your life, where you'll live, what work you'll do (or not), how much money you'll have, the places you'll go between now and then, the lifestyle you dream about.
Imagining gives you something to strive for, and just like goals, you're more likely to get to the place you want to go if you can see it, feel it, embrace it.
Worst thing ever?
So what was my worst thing? Nope, not saying... I chose a couple from an interesting list, some of which previously required amends, to others and myself.
I don't often revisit my past now because I previously did a lot of healing work. But sometimes it's good to look back again—if only to see how far we've come. The good news: we're never stuck. We can always become a better version of ourselves. We have the power to change.
If you like this post or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to subscribe (see right column), share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.
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