Mindfulness moment

Beautiful British Columbia

We all need to disconnect now and then... from our jobs, our computers, our mobile devices. Many of us sit too much and spend too much time staring at small screens, and much of that time is spent consuming media, not creating. 

Our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being requires that we take time out. Time out spurs creativity and ingenuity, and is proven to lower our stress levels. 

Even though I practice various forms of self-care, I'm not always great about taking time away from the day-to-day, and I'm especially not good at disconnecting. But Forrest insisted I take time off, and he was right. I needed it. And oh-my-gosh was it pretty! If it weren't for the mosquitoes, I'd have stayed an entire week at this place. 

But because I can't, I captured a couple of moments to revisit when I need to stop, breathe, and decompress in a hurry. The creek was so loud, the fire is inaudible, and the rushing water is more reminiscent of white noise—but white noise has its benefits, too.  

Here you go:  

(Apologies to those who receive this by email; the video images above aren't visible and I don't know why... )

If you like this post, or this blog resonates with you in any way, please feel free to share it, comment below, or send me a message. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching—you can find me here.

Time out

Time off, time out, downtime... these are all important for our health and well-being. And if we don't take time for ourselves voluntarily, our bodies will often let us know when we're overdue.

As mine has. 

Tybee Island, Georgia, looking toward dunes and the Atlantic
from just outside my perch on the beach house couch.  

Dammit... 

Ideally, being at the beach, after four days with family and barely able to talk with them, will help me kick this cold and laryngitis out of my body.

There's nothing quite like spending time near water, particularly the ocean. I can hear the surf as I sit and type this, across from double doors that open to the boardwalk pictured above.

Here are a few photos from the Georgia coast.  

Near St. Simons, GA

Who doesn't love a good oyster roast, 
with a bushel or more of oysters. 

Near St. Simons, GA

Sunset from Tybee Island, a ship off in the distance. 

Our beach house for a few days.

Bird life along a canal

Our door to the beach

Factor's Walk, downtown Savannah

On River Street, downtown Savannah

Factor's Walk, downtown Savannah

Forsyth Park Saturday farmers market

Back at Tybee

PFDs at AJ's Eatery on the back river, Tybee

When to say yes and when to say no

Lake Serene

Yes, I hear you. No, I don't agree. 

Yeah, no... Sometimes you need both yes and no at the same time. (And if you know me personally, you'll hear me say this frequently.)

The words are so simple, and yet, they're not. That's why I developed a few guiding principles about when to use each one.

1. When fear drives, say yes anyway. Years ago, during the throes of my divorce, I realized I'd been saying no a lot, and that I'd become afraid to do anything, After a late-night drive, I landed at the Blaine Harbor Marina, writing in my journal, crying and feeling sorry for myself. Light bulb moment: That wasn't how I wanted to live my life, nor how I saw myself. The pact I made with myself at that moment still stands. When fear calls, I say yes unless there's a good reason--not excuses--to say no. We've all heard about deathbed regreets--what they didn't do, not what they did. Life is short. Grab it! "Sure, I'll jump off a cliff; happy to," I said when friends planned a hang-gliding day in Rio. No regrets.

Caveat: Sometimes we're afraid for a reason, and we have to pay attention to our spidey senses. Listen to your guts. 

2. Commit to an absolute yes. How often do we say yes when we want to say no? We often confuse obligation with our need to be liked, approved of, or accepted. We want to be helpful or do the right thing--but the right thing might not be right for us. Sometimes, a yes is enabling; we deprive people of what they most need for their growth. So later, we regret that yes, when we're zapped of energy and resources. Food for thought: Unless you can answer with an absolute yes, say no.

3. No is a complete sentence. It's OK to say no without adding a why. This takes practice if you're not used to it. Say, "no, thank you." Or, "I decline." Or "thanks for offering, and no thank you." And be firm. We don't need a rationale. Women in particular do this because we learn early to justify ourselves. No, I'm not having kids. No, I'm not available. No, I'm not willing to do that. No, I'm not interested. Just no.

4. Say no to say yes. When we say no to one thing, we say yes to another. 

5. Yes, and... Of course, we all have real-life obligations where yes is a must no matter what--work and children often come with exceptions. Relationships require compromise and sacrifice. What's important is to pay attention and know why you're saying yes. That absolute is always worth considering.


Yeah, no, yeah... 

Forrest and I went for a hike on Sunday. I said yes because I knew I needed it. Was it an 'absolute yes'? No. It was a yes with trepidation. Fear. I was afraid I couldn't do it, might hurt myself, winter conditions, or... frankly, looking bad and being judged (my stuff...). 

And, I heard my self-talk and realized "no" was the wrong answer.

I love hiking in the offseason - there are fewer people and it's life-affirming. The brisk chill, the shades of green, shadows and panoramas, and ... quiet. But with a busy schedule, it's rare that I get more than a 500 ft elevation gain.

The frozen lake in the background

Kudos to those trail builders: the 2000 ft elevation gain was mostly switchbacks and rocks. After 2.5 hours, we hit snow, so we stood next to the frozen lake and ate our cheese sandwiches using the icy bench as a table, as avalanches fell steadily from Mt. Index.

So... what about yes, and what about no? 

Pay attention. Why say yes when we want to say no, and why don't we say no when it's for our greatest good?

We serve the world better when we take care of ourselves; being "nice" and doing "the right thing" isn't really the right thing. We have more to give when we truly mean yes, and when we really mean no. Fear can be our guide but we can't let it drive. It often keeps us playing safe, instead of living full, enriching lives. 

In 2019, make a pact with yourself to be deliberate about yes and no. Practice! You'll be happier, healthier, more energetic, and have more to give when it matters.

Wishing you a very good year!

Doing the hard things

In my last post, I quoted Soulful Simplicity about doing the things you don't want to do, so you can do the things you want to do later on. As a coach and follower of coaches, self-help authors, and wellness types, I'm seeing a lot right now about how we have to do the hard things.

I wish I'd had that mindset when I was younger. 

Don't get me wrong. Life was hard, so in that sense, I did hard things. Throughout my teens and early adulthood, life was very hard. A high school friend has long said we went to "handle it school" because if we learned nothing else, we learned to handle almost anything -- any crisis or problem -- growing up in our neighborhood. But those aren't the type of hard things, nor the mindset, I'm referring to. Many hard-learned lessons later, I realize that while I didn't grow up in ideal circumstances, I also made my life much harder by getting in my own way. 

How do you know if you're in your own way?  

When you feel like nothing's working, or if where you're headed isn't where you want to go, you might be getting in your own way. If you find yourself always struggling, or consistently unhappy.

How did we get here? We may not know any better, especially when we're young. We're products of our environment and our experience, and even our DNA, and if you're like me and didn't have many good role models, it takes a while to figure it out.

So much of what we experience is mindset--a concept that can be challenging to understand. Because at my core I believed life was hard, I (unknowingly) looked for evidence in every circumstance to support my belief. And because I believed life was hard, I looked for and drew to me circumstances that made life harder than it had to be. I'm not saying that many of the bad and sad things that happened during my early years were my fault -- by no means was I responsible for predatory men, belittling teachers, absent adults, and bullies and friends more fucked up than me. But because of my beliefs, which included what I felt I deserved, I put myself in a lot of situations that could only result in harm or hardship. 

Even though I intellectually understood some of this in my twenties, having learned a bit about 'new thought' philosophies, creative visualization, quantum physics and energy, etc., those early beliefs by then were buried deep in my bones and drove much of my experience, running below the surface of everything I did. Not until yet another devastating circumstance presented itself did I finally break free. 

A wise therapist helped me shift my thinking. Among other things, she asked if I believed life was hard, and when I said yes, she asked, "what if life just is?" What if the universe, or whatever you believe in, is neutral, and your circumstances are a reflection of what you believe? 

I'd have done a whole lot of things differently. 

I used to think I wanted life to be easy. Growing up, I thought life was supposed to be easy and was always astonished when it wasn't. Because I was so afraid of failing, of looking stupid, because everything seemed hard, I regularly chose the path of least resistance, or what felt like the easiest way. Except it wasn't ever easy, and in fact, that mindset made everything much harder. I was an intentional underachiever because so much felt too hard and I was scared.

But looking back at my accomplishments, the greatest satisfaction came as a result of hard work - - from effort made, energy expended, challenges accepted... sometimes involving strife or heartache or walking through fear, and almost always learning something new or different.

Although not aware while doing these things, I did a lot of hard-for-me things over time, without really thinking about how hard they'd be.

Some of my hard things? Honestly, I don't think I expected to live a long life, so I didn't take particularly good care of myself when I was young. I smoked and abused myself during my teen years, but decisively stopped all that when I realized I was going to be around a while and wanted a better life. I watched my mom and other family members succumb to illness, and deliberately made choices like eating better and exercising that support a healthier life. I determinedly put myself through college when it seemed nearly impossible. I wanted a career that included writing, so I carefully and mindfully carved out a path. I wanted a different result when a relationship nearly ended so I went to therapy and uncovered those deeply held beliefs -- and made a conscious effort to change them.

In hindsight, these were the hard things I had to do for a better life later, although at the time, I wasn't aware of that mindset.   

We can do the hard things. Sometimes it's just saying no to a second helping (noticing my own patterns), or starting an exercise program by moving your body 10 minutes every morning, or unlearning an unhealthy behavior. Sometimes it's calling an estranged relative or friend, setting aside a need to "be right" and instead choosing the relationship, or setting boundaries with someone who crosses them. Sometimes it's much harder, like forgiving yourself or someone who harmed you, or being compassionate with yourself, or finding gratitude for just one thing each day. 

Do the small things every day,
and they'll lead to big things. 

If you want something, be intentional. If it feels hard, start small. And know that if it feels hard, it's probably worth it. Get clear about your priorities, then map out a plan. Create daily routines or rituals and then methodically take the steps -- every day -- that lead you there.  

Sometimes I still hope for luck. But experience tells me that luck comes to those who do the work. My mom, not a religious woman by any stretch, always said that "god helps those who help themselves."  

I don't know about you, but if I'm going to grow old, and I hope to, I want to be healthy, and able-bodied, with the means to afford a decent life. While I know there are many circumstances over which I have no control, I can make choices that, should I get to grow old, increase my odds of enjoying those later years more than I enjoyed my younger years. Most days, I can do the hard things. 

I don't think we all need luxury homes and and exotic cars -- although if that's your jam, then by all means, work to create it. That said, I believe I deserve a life with "better problems", as author Mark Manson refers to them in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I think we all do.

So if you're in your own way like I was, take steps every day to create the life you want, even if it feels hard. Work toward having better problems. I no longer believe life is hard, even though some things feel hard.

Remember that saying, "Life's what you make it"? For the vast majority of us who are of sound mind, that's pretty much it.  

Life just is. 

What matters most

Today I learned a coworker was diagnosed with leukemia. We were in a meeting just over a week ago and he wasn't feeling well, didn't look good, and was having a hard time walking and breathing. I heard that later in the day, our director told him to go to the doctor, where after blood tests, he was immediately admitted to the hospital and is now undergoing aggressive treatment.

Macarons, because they're happy. 
When life sucks, they add 
delicious color and flavor.

A former coworker was recently diagnosed with a rare brain condition that showed up suddenly and increased rapidly. Now, post brain surgery, she continues to experience symptoms, albeit less severe, and this condition will likely be with her for life.

They're both young and vibrant.

These are just two stories.

How does this happen? 

I firmly believe that lifestyle trumps genetics, and so many conditions and diseases are now deemed preventable with different lifestyle choices.

But there is much that seems out of our control. What we (collective) do to the air we breathe... the water we drink, bathe in, swim in, eat from... our food sources, our soils... the resources we use as though they're infinite... we don't yet know the full affect of our actions. Even when we're careful and choose wisely, it's impossible to completely avoid those things that could make us sick, shorten our lives, or in some way negatively impact our quality of life.

Sometimes it feels like a crap shoot.

I was just in Las Vegas for a work-related training and stayed at a hotel / casino far from the strip. The despair I felt there was palpable. This place was by far one of the worst: heavily smoke-filled, with a largely older clientele -- many carrying extra weight, a fair number in wheelchairs or with walkers, and a few toting oxygen tanks, all smoking, drinking and gambling.

Las Vegas, known infamously as 'sin city', was deemed 'addiction city' 
by one of my taxi drivers. 

I had to breathe that nicotine toxin walking through the hotel each day. I could only give thanks this wasn't my daily reality.

And... what if none of it matters? Admittedly, with the latest report of an ill coworker, I at first felt sad and then a bit despairing. It doesn't make sense.


Does anything we do really matter?  


Why exercise, eat well, nurture our relationships, manage our stress, or do any of those other things that may or may not keep us well and living a long, full life?

Does what we believe, think or say actually influence our health, as so many of the new health celebrities spout? I wish I knew for sure.

I still believe we can make a difference, and to a degree, I do believe we control our own destinies. I'm not saying that either of the two mentioned above asked for or in some way created their circumstances, as some of those 'guru'-types might suggest. That would be unspeakably mean. And I'm not saying there's a reason for everything, because I'm not sure that's true.

Fresh air... from an oxygen bar. 

But I do believe there are gifts and opportunities everywhere - if we're willing and able to see them.

I am reminded not to take anything for granted. To be grateful for my current health and well-being. To cherish those I love -- and to tell them -- and to continue to act as if everything counts. I can choose what I do, say, buy, eat -- every day.

My actions... my choices... matter. 

If not for everyone, then at least for those I'm connected to.

Savor life slowly... 

I can make choices that are more likely to contribute to longevity... to good health, a good life, and a positive influence on the world around me. I can choose to be as chemical-free as possible so as to limit my contribution to the toxins others bear. I can choose to limit my use of resources, so to help ensure there's plenty for everyone.

Not everyone cares about this. But I do. What matters most to me is an equitable and just world - for people, plants and animals. Clean air and nutrient-rich soil. Healthy food for all. I may only have a micro piece of it... I am but a spec on the continuum.

And... I can make a difference in my little piece of the world. I don't subscribe to winner takes all, to getting what you can while you can... I think there's enough for all of us.

I have gained a lot of clarity on what matters most to me, and I'm passionately committed to living and working differently, and helping others do so, too. I have long believed that so much of how 'we' live isn't healthy, that there's a better way. And while it may not keep each individual healthy, perhaps we can be happier and more fulfilled while we're here.


What matters most to you?

Self-care: Colds suck

A quick post tonight. I kind of made a promise to myself to write more frequently - say, every two weeks, minimum, but here it is three weeks since my last post.

Not wont to make excuses, it's been a tough couple of weeks. Lots of things wayyy out of the ordinary happening at work, and acquired a nasty little cold in the middle of it which makes minimum functionality challenging at times.

My arsenal (in part)

So every chance I get, I aim to do something that helps me get well more quickly. For example, I:

• Ingest herbs, vitamins and probiotics: goldenseal root and olive leaf tinctures, some mix of stuff I get at the health food store, adding A & C and doubling D and zinc, and probiotic caps along with kefir and kombucha (tea and coffee actually count, too)
• Rinse my sinus cavities with a warm saline solution: I use a glass container the size of a large mason jar to mix my salt and water, because really, what's the point of a miniscule netipot?  
• Drink lots of liquids: my wellness tonic, water, tea, coffee (though diuretic, caffeinated beverages are still liquids and help hydrate)
• Skip the sugar (mostly; today I succumbed to snickerdoodles made by our new person at work)
• Eat good food (my go-to sick food used to be Campbell's chicken noodle soup, but I gave that up. I've since found Wolfgang Puck's organic version; I also picked up a roasted organic chicken at Whole Foods so I don't have to cook)
• Steam clean my head - in the shower, and over the stove, with a towel over my head and a pot of steaming water with eucalyptus or tea tree oil
• And from childhood - Vicks VapoRub smeared on my chest at bedtime (eau de Vicks is a lovely scent... not, but it does offer some comfort in the olfactory memory)

That first day or two, I found myself empathizing with those who actually have a lung disease (my mom and a dear friend being two). Of course, there's no real comparison, but it occurred to me just how awful that really must be, because even this felt a little like hell. My throat felt fiery and my chest felt like it was underwater and full of sand.

But after those first coupl'a days, I saw incremental improvement. Despite extra stress, I think my tactics worked; some people I know have had this thing for weeks. They can have it. I'm done. It's no magic bullet, but I hate being sick and believe my body lets me know what it needs to be well, and has, largely, what it takes to get there.  

So there you have it. I haven't written but I will revisit this unstated (this time) commitment and aim for regular posts beginning... soon. 

Onward.

Update 4/5/15 - Cold symptoms went away quickly, except for a cough - which could also be related to allergies; we're full-on into spring now and I react to weeds and grass. Dang cough. Anyway, I still stand by my process outlined above, as I do tend to stay generally healthy when others around me are fighting illness. 

Busting up some aging myths

The perils of aging are largely myths.

"What makes people believe they don't have any power or control over what happens to them?" Forrest asked as we were chatting about older friends and family who are dealing with health challenges. We realized we were somewhat confounded by how little some of us seem to know and understand about our own health.

It struck me that we grow up conditioned to think that aging is negative, a bad thing. We learn:

• We'll get sick. 
• Our bones get weak. 
• Bodies give out. 
• Things break. 
• We won't be as vibrant. 
• Sex lives wane. 
• Memories fade. 

And so many more.
We accept them as fact.
We don't question.

Stuff happens, some of it preventable, some not, but either way, it doesn't mean we're without power to have an impact. So here are a few thoughts, as I consider my own journey.

We are not our genetics.

That list above? Not necessarily true... We are not our genetics, although we can be if we believe we are and act accordingly.

We can influence what happens to us, and what we believe and how we act can make all the difference. It's not to say they won't happen; as we age, the odds of developing ailments increases. We can't control all of our environmental influences.

Yet there is much within our control. Beliefs matter.

We are what we eat. 

The old adage, "we are what we eat," is actually pretty true. If we put junk in our bodies, we feel ... well, like junk.

What we consume makes a difference, no matter what our age, but we might feel the impacts more as we get older, as we whittle away our defenses. So many illnesses or conditions are considered preventable and are now linked to diet - Alzheimer's, diabetes, heart disease, to name just a few... Food also has a huge impact on brain function, how we feel emotionally and how much energy and strength we have. A few insights:

• Sugar - any type of sugar - contributes largely to inflammation, which is the root cause of many disorders and diseases. 
• Processed food is full of sugar and various chemicals (thousands of untested additives are on the FDA approved list for use in food!), and generally, the western diet is highly processed. 
• Sugar substitutes are even worse. Sodas, any type, are not helpful. Try sparkling water with a splash of juice, some bitters, or herbs for a refreshing alternative and to stay sufficiently hydrated.
• As so many food experts now advocate, and to paraphrase Michael Pollan, as I often do, eat real food, not too much, mostly plants. 
• Simple carbs like white flour or white rice are stripped of fiber and nutrients and quickly turn to sugar once ingested. A better option is whole grain; even better, the ancient grains. Grains in any form should be a small part of our diets; make sure your breads or cereals have just a few ingredients and you know what they are. 
• Potatoes and other starchy foods get a bad wrap, but they're actually nutrient dense. Add a little butter or sour cream and you're golden. Just eat sparingly. 
• Fat is good. Well, good fats are good. Fat is satisfying and helps our bodies use many of our vitamins.
• Lastly, conventional agriculture is pesticide- and antibiotic-heavy. If you can, know your producers, buy from a farmers market, shop the organic section or make smart purchases using the Clean 15 / Dirty Dozen lists.  

Use it or lose it...

While the research and thinking around exercise continues to change (how much, how often, how intense), the importance of moving our bodies has not. To thrive, we need to be active.

Sitting is one of the worst things we can do, and from my own experience, know it causes all kinds of less-than-fun discomforts. There's evidence now it can even shorten our lives, and certainly it contributes to countless ailments.

Sitting too much keeps me from running - temporarily (sing it: the hip bone's connected to the thigh bone... or a version there-of, in my case, sitting caused limited range of motion in my hips, underachieving glutes, overactive calves and impossibly tight Achilles tendons in both feet).

It's never too late to start moving. But if you haven't moved your body for a while, it's best to start slow. Yoga or stretching, strength and balance exercises, coupled with standing desks if you have a desk job are all essential to bone, muscle, mental and even emotional health.

     And then there's style...

I have no interest in getting old. That said, as we all are, I am aging. There's a big difference between old and aging. Unless I want to pay a small fortune, I can't do much about my sagging jaw line, but I don't have to look old, either. Good style never goes out of date.

Cosmetics, used strategically, dressing appropriately for your lifestyle (but throw away those "how to dress at any age" guides, especially if they tell you to change your style based on your age), and an updated hair style just feel good. I intend to stay relevant even when I'm an advanced age, and personal style shows you 'get it.'

...And lastly, life-long learning

Don't ever lose your curiosity. Challenge yourself. Even as a teenager, I recognized the value of "being comfortable being uncomfortable" with a wall poster reminding me at every look.

Explore. 

Travel.

Ask questions. 

Read. 

These keep us vibrant, relevant and engaged. Be deliberate and intentional. We can learn and grow from everything and we're never too old to learn something new. Brain science is growing exponentially and none of it suggests that we have to lose capacity as we age.

As 'anonymous' once stated (I wish I knew who really said this), "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, well-preserved body, but rather to skid broadside, thoroughly used up, and loudly proclaiming, 'wow, what a ride.'"

(If you like inspiring quotes, here's a pretty good selection.)


While this is hardly a comprehensive list (I didn't even mention play, laughter, or spending time in nature; oh, and don't smoke...) to help you age gracefully - or disgracefully, if you prefer, I think it busts a few of those myths I grew up hearing. Hope they do that for you, too.

Speak up: your health, happiness and well-being depend on it

Tybee Island gulls, chatting among themselves.

I have a voice. So do you.

Do you hear me? Good. Because we all need to be heard.

A few nights ago, I woke up in the wee hours, a bit unsettled... dreaming that my partner of 17+ years told me we were getting married on May 23. What??? I'm on the fence about marriage, so that wasn't what nagged me. I believe the dream was a gut reaction to my birthday present: he planned my - our - vacation. Now, don't get me wrong. For the most part, I'm OK with this. He has good ideas, and I know we'll have fun together; that he was so thoughtful and actually took the time to plan this, well, that's awesome. His choice was one of several places we considered; we just hadn't collectively decided yet (and because of some history and my limited vacation time, I wanted to weigh in). Really, it's a small thing, in this context.


However... 

...what this brings up for me are the many times throughout my life where I haven't had a voice - haven't had a say, haven't had a choice. Where choices have been made for me. And I've had a few sleepless nights lately thinking about this. That's where the unsettled feeling came from.

My partner and I have come far in our 17+ years together. We have invested time and energy to learn about ourselves, and each other. A few years ago, we made a concerted effort to learn how to talk with each other, to set aside our filters and assumptions when we're listening, or at least, only assume positive intent. (Why is it so easy to assume the worst, even from those who love us?) To not let our stories about ourselves (e.g., "I can't do anything right...") get in the way of how we hear what the other is saying.

Because when we hear with our filters, we miss the message and the conversation becomes about me, not us, not the person we're engaged with. We're largely conditioned to hear what we want to hear, what we may have expected to hear, if not now, then at some point in our lives. Yes, that's right. We collect evidence for the stories about ourselves we're familiar and comfortable with - even if we don't like them (does "I can't do anything right" translate to "I'm not good enough?" It just might, for some of us; note that these are common interpretations). Maybe we don't recognize those self-sabotaging stories yet. If not, we're more likely to get triggered. Which shuts down any opening for conversation.

So how do we talk with each other, speaking up and honoring ourselves, when we risk triggering someone's stuff? What happens if we shut down and don't say anything?

Staying quiet about what we care about serves no one. Staying quiet is a recipe for disaster. Really, it just prolongs an uncomfortable situation.


So we learn to speak up. 

We speak from a place of love and respect. We pay attention. We check in. We know there might be filters and triggers; we ask questions. And we speak what's true for us, from the inside out. It's not about having the last word, or the first word, but engaging in meaningful conversation.

He and I have worked very hard at this, and it's paid off. (So at some point, he and I are going to talk, but because he's aboard a ship off the coast of Florida, we haven't yet been able to talk about it with any depth. As he is wont to remind me, timing is everything.)

Timing is important, but it's not the be all, end all. Sometimes, there's never a good time. Sometimes, speaking up in the moment is essential for our well-being - and even safety. And sometimes, taking the time to think through the message we want to impart or just being courteous are our best options. But silence rarely is.

Good judgment speaks volumes. Choice of words and tone are also important. Lashing out is not speaking up. Accusing or attacking aren't speaking out.

Speaking up is speaking our truth, sharing our feelings, expressing our opinions, standing up for ourselves, while honoring ourselves and our relationships.


I've had to learn - and unlearn - a lot.

Not being heard goes back to childhood, growing up in an environment where I was frequently dismissed. In my teens, my mouth got me in trouble: Notice me! But by then I had a lot of anger and this didn't help my cause. I didn't speak up; I lashed out. I didn't know how to use my voice; I didn't know it was OK for no to really mean no. I didn't know I had choices. Or that my opinions or what I wanted counted for something. As an adult, I largely shut up and chose not to rock boats, and was occasionally blindsided by the actions of others. Had I the tools I have now, I doubt it could happen.

So what have I learned?

• Communicating in a way that's honoring, respectful and compassionate is vital for healthy relationships - in any environment or circumstance.
• While I can't control anyone's actions or words, I'm no longer a victim of my circumstances. I can choose how I respond to what happens around me and what other people do. 
• Allowing my voice to be silenced was learned behavior that can be unlearned. (Anger is also learned behavior that can be unlearned; while some anger can be healthy and motivating, expressing it appropriately is essential.)
• An argument today beats resentment tomorrow, and arguing doesn't mean the world will end. Nor does disagreement.
• Acceptance and approval need only come from me. Validation from outside sources isn't necessary. I operate from a place of high integrity; if someone doesn't like what I have to say or what I do, I'll welcome a conversation. 
• How someone responds to me is their responsibility. 

A few years ago I made some different choices. I knew I wanted different results in key areas of my life, including work and my relationships. And while I didn't know how to get these results, didn't even know just what I was looking for, I knew it was time for things to change. With some help, deep reflection and actively observing my own behavior, patterns and habits, things changed, and my results were different.

This is a much more powerful place to be. I know that what we internalize has to manifest in some way, and repressed anger, withdrawal, and silence can all lead to illness, crumbling relationships, depression, and so much more. If we keep our true selves, or our true feelings, blocked or invisible, we benefit no one, not even ourselves.

If it's important, speak up. 

It's a new year. What are you ready to speak up for?

Sated: Full fat or no fat, please

Today I read yet another article explaining how we've been doing it wrong. For years, doctors gave us the wrong advice about what to eat and what to avoid. Unwittingly, maybe... but their tune is changing, and we'll all be better for it. Avoiding fat isn't the answer to better health. Eating real, whole foods is.

I grimace whenever I see a health "authority" recommending a low fat diet or when I can only find non-fat products on the grocery shelves. Regardless of the changing tune, there's still a lot of misinformation out there. I read it in articles online and off, I see it at work in our cafes - where low fat is king. And I see it in random places where it seems to me it's a "shouldn't be." Most low fat foods also have unhealthy additives, not to mention they're low on the satisfaction scale.

I followed the no-fat path for a while. When Joe Piscatella's book, Don't Eat Your Heart Out, came out in the '80s, I gave up just about everything. I stopped eating red meat - no more fast food burgers for me! No butter, no oil. No bacon! And just non-fat dairy. I was determined. I hated the way high fat foods felt in my mouth.

I eventually fell off that wagon, but I stayed on that track for a number of years - a move to Vancouver and regular visits to a naturopath only made my diet more extreme - I gave up all dairy, corn, yeast, wheat and caffeine, among other things.

Now, many years, lots of research, and trial and error led me back to whole foods. Foods with natural fats are flavorful and satisfying. They're not laden with fillers or chemicals. And I'm not talking about deep fried foods, nor chips or foods made from highly processed or genetically engineered oils. Just whole, real foods. Cream. Butter. Grass-fed beef. Olive and coconut oils, and rich, creamy avocados. Nuts and seeds. And yes, even bacon occasionally - ideally when I know where it's from. Appropriately proportioned, these are healthy, satisfying choices.

My new favorite thing? Kefir. Most grocers sell just a couple of brands, and mostly low fat or non fat. But the real prize is from our local Grace Harbor Farms. This stuff is rich and delicious. If you're not in the Northwest, perhaps there's a local dairy near you with something similar. It might be worth exploring. Kefir has the added benefit of being fermented, full of probiotics - the good bacteria our bodies need. Greek yogurt is also a healthy option, but I think the best advice is to read the ingredients on the containers you pick up. If it's full of stuff you can't visualize or pronounce, it might be good to pass up.

Studies show: Small food choices can have a big impact

As a member of my local natural foods co-op, I'm a lucky recipient of their monthly newsletter, in which they regularly publish articles about food, farming, nutrition and health, including news bites from other publications.

The food / health connection is one I've made - incrementally - for 25 years or more, and I regularly read studies and news articles from a wide variety of sources, keeping in mind that findings change and results can be skewed by wherever the research money comes from.

One constant: What we put in our bodies does matter. Whether you're looking to lose weight, manage a health condition, want better nutrition, or avoid pesticides and contaminants - there are no shortage of reasons to read, watch and care.

A couple of clips from the November PCC Sound Consumer news bites caught my attention:

• Because diabetes is pervasive in my family, I'm intrigued by a new Harvard study: Just two servings per week of whole fruit can reduce the risk of Type 2 diabetes by 23%. Just two per week! They suggest apples, grapes and blueberries in particular. When my mom was learning how to manage her diabetes at the Joslin Diabetes Center, I remember learning that because of their high sugar content, grapes could negatively impact blood sugar and should be eaten with other food or avoided. So this is new for me. That said, the study also confirms that fruit juice can increase risk - which isn't new (fresh vegetable juice is a better option, or a smoothie with protein). Orange juice can get your blood sugar back to normal quickly when it's low, but fruit juice, particularly commercial, is never an optimal choice for health. Just two... That's a small step to reduce your chances by over 20% if you're at risk. I know food deserts exist, but for most of us, finding a couple of apples is as close as a grocery store. We just have to make that choice.
   
• Since others in my family either succumbed to heart disease or are in some way managing it, a report by the Union of Concerned Scientists made me take note. The study states that if we increase our fruit and vegetable intake to the daily requirement,* 127,000 deaths from heart disease could be prevented - not just saving lives but also saving about $17 billion in annual medical costs (nationally). Just adding a half-cup a day to our current average diet could save $2.7 trillion. So while they're talking numbers and dollars, what those really mean is better health for those who do this. 

For not much effort, those are some impressive numbers.

Eating well doesn't have to be hard, although changing habits can be. That's why even incremental change can make a difference. Maybe start with one or both of these if you're not already doing them. Or just choose one thing - whatever that looks like for you - that makes you feel better. Then see what happens?

A lot of what we eat is what we're used to, often what we grew up with. We like it, we say, when we may not have have anything to compare it to, or haven't given other types of foods a chance. I said that about fast food cheeseburgers not so many years ago. Now I can't imagine eating any kind of fast food; I just can't un-know what I've learned about food. And what I like and what I crave has changed as I incrementally changed the foods I ate.

This was wildly evident at Thanksgiving. These were the foods I grew up eating - and loved. While I enjoyed the visit to memory lane, even my mother's "famous" cranberry marshmallow salad will remain in my past, along with canned cranberries, white rolls, margarine and Cool Whip topping (although I admit, I'll still put black olives on all my fingers and then eat them...). I've trained my palette to like the real thing, the healthier thing for me, and I can't go back.



*The RDA varies by age and gender. While I agree we all need to eat more fruit and vegetables, I would argue some of our government recommendations, and wish they'd push for better food, generally. 

I may be an enigma, but I'm healthy...

Now I have baffled both my physical therapist and my naturopath. But we're working through it. I am healthy, capable, and infinitely generative.

The physical therapist concluded my foot problems stemmed from weakening hips and glutes (I've mentioned I sit too much), and my calves are compensating, causing my Achilles to tighten in my feet, causing occasional shooting pains.

My naturopath concluded that my slightly-off-kilter liver enzymes, cholesterol, and thyroid just didn't add up, and we're going to retest in a few months. But her instinct tells her I'm healthy, and to watch and wait. There are no additional indicators suggesting that anything's wrong in any way.

I concur. My general feeling / instinct about both of these is that exercise, which I am only recently getting into a renewed rhythm with, will make a big difference if I can maintain consistency and proper form. And I will continue to refine how I eat, the products I use, and how I take care of my inner self (this inner part needs a bit more attention).

I am trusting that all is well, and that I do, indeed, still have work to do here. For that, I'm feeling pretty grateful. Perhaps this was just meant to be a call-out to take notice of where I'm putting my attention, that to create what I'm working toward I need to focus and be clear on my priorities.

And Forrest is back, after an entire seven months away with limited communication. Perhaps having him here, safe from so many unknowns in my imagination, will make a difference, too.

Nothing like a little health scare...

... to catch my attention. It might still be a scare. I don't know yet. When I got the results of my last blood test, I had a bit of a surprise.

Food yet to be.... I am also grateful
for my grandfather's garden as a child.
He taught me to love fresh vegetables.

I have exercised and eaten well for most of my life (although I cringe to think of the Vienna sausages, margarine, Crisco, nacho cheese Doritos, Top Ramen and fast-food burgers of my early years). I made a big change in my mid-20s, though, when I made the connection between food and health. So whether by design or by luck, I've stayed pretty healthy and at a good-for-me weight. And at mid-life, that's no small feat, really, especially given my family genetics. But my recent blood work showed slightly high cholesterol (the kind that isn't supposed to be high) and elevated liver enzymes.

I think I know why my cholesterol is high. I'm barely moving. I sit all day at work. I haven't exercised - much - over the last two years or so. The first year due to... well, not sure why; the last, due to injury from trying to do too much too soon. I've gained some weight. I'm sluggish.

The liver enzymes sent me spinning. With any luck, the high numbers are a fluke and related to the two glasses of wine I'd had the Saturday night before my Thursday morning blood draw. Since I so rarely drink now, the guy at the supplement store said it's possible. Still, I couldn't help but flash back to all the years I over-consumed: the self-abusive teen years, the early 20s backslide, the early 30s divorce, a couple of single years, and then trying to keep up with my hard-drinking social circle until about 40, when I finally had enough. Chances are, any damage from those years would have shown up sooner (thank god for teenage resilience), so right now I'm just counting my blessings and trusting that maybe I have a higher purpose and that all will be well.

What this did, though, was got me moving again, in a much bigger, consistent way. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've exercised since my late teens (despite countless bad habits to counter-weight the benefit in those earlier years), but stopped running - my exercise of choice since anxiety kicked in at 32 - in late December, 2009, when I lost my resistance to cold temperatures and couldn't make myself leave the house for much of anything but work. I did, however, continue to go to the climbing gym pretty regularly til June, 2012. Good for strength and balance, but not for maintaining general fitness or keeping off the weight from a mostly sedentary lifestyle. In 2010, 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I dabbled in exercise doing things like Zumba, marina walks, and 'dancing' in my living room aerobic-style to Motown, alt rock, post-punk and some 70's classics (I sure hope nobody can see through my curtains) - but nothing consistent to maintain an acceptable level of fitness.

In June 2012, I decided to start running again - slowly, just a run / walk routine. But I quickly added in some stair climbing from the beach to upper Golden Gardens park, and damned if it wasn't too much too soon. An injury sidelined me. Despite joining a gym in November, it's been nearly a year since I've done any kind of consistent exercise.

Now I'm in physical therapy for what I thought was plantar fasciitis but appears to be more hip and glute related due to sitting too much. My calves are insanely tight, and my poor feet aren't able to handle the burden. I am now on a regimen back to health: a run / walk program, heinous glute strengthening exercises called 'fire hydrants', and a variety of other stretches and toning exercises. It seems to be helping - my body feels better and I have more energy, but the real test will be the next blood draw. I don't have the genes to be a slacker. I just don't and I know this.

I do have other things in my favor. When I read about liver health, I give myself points for these:

Black beans, brown rice, avocado
and a dollop of sour cream (all
organic) - a typical weeknight dinner.

• My daily diet is better than most. I love kefir and yogurt, I've always loved vegetables, and I don't eat a ton of fruit or meat - and when I do, it's likely organic and, in the case of meat, grass-fed. My morning cereal is gluten free and my naturopath says the amount of soy I use in tea and over cereal is nothing to worry about. Black beans are a favorite, and I've given up white rice for brown. I don't eat junk food, or rarely, and nothing with high fructose corn syrup goes in my body. Ever. I am a label reader. And I avoid aspartame and sugar and white flour and rice (mostly - sushi being an exception, although I prefer sashimi), and attempt to be GMO-free. I admit I indulge in Theo organic dark chocolate every single day, and I do like tea and coffee for their caffeinated impact. I've started making a green juice every few days. And I finally found a Kombucha I like (GT's raw, organic gingerade - yum!). 
• My supplements are the result of previous blood draws - I take only what my blood work shows I need - D3, DHEA, cod liver oil, cal/mag and a thyroid boost. And the only drugs I take are allergy meds.
• Most of my personal products are nearly toxin-free, with organic ingredients when they're available. I use soaps, shampoos, cosmetics (except mascara), lotions, potions and household cleaners and detergents that are free of the most egregious additives. I do get my hair colored. I'm not a complete purist; I'm not interested in looking my age (although my "real age" according to my biometrics is 38 - that I can live with!) and I want to always look my best. But I also want to age well and stay healthy.

So the piece that's missing was vigorous exercise and while I'm not there yet, I'm getting there. I have left my personal little pity party that kicked in with the injury behind and I'm about six weeks into my new plan and so far, so good.

Now I'm crossing my fingers, saying a few prayers and asking for grace that my next blood tests come back within normal range. My mantra: I'm healthy in every way. I'll keep you posted.

Feet to the fire: Time to get moving again

I have now publicly committed to being a LifeWise of Washington ambassador with a promise to help model the way - with 29 other ambassadors, all at various fitness and activity levels - to a healthy lifestyle.

I stopped running for the most part in December of '09 when the temperatures hit freezing and I got too cold. And for whatever reason, I never got back into it with any consistency. I sit at my desk for work all day every day, and often go home at night and sit and do more computer-related tasks.

While I have made fitness a big part of my adult life, I've had a hard time getting going again. Up until last June, I was still going to the climbing gym (about twice a week), but other than the occasional walk, I wasn't doing much else between that December and spring, 2012.

So I got moving around Easter last year with Zumba, a little running, more walking and some Golden Gardens stairclimbing, only to end up on the sidelines by mid-summer with plantar fasciitis. Tight calves, hamstrings and hip flexors, as well as hips that could use more strength, all contributed. I've always stretched a lot when I'm exercising, but I really suck at it when I'm not. And I never developed a love affair with yoga. My lack of flexibility makes it frustrating and uncomfortable.

I think being part of this program will help get me back on track - keeping me focused on my goals and reminding me to at least do something. Even if that something is soaking and massaging my feet every night, and maybe just a few good stretches. Oh, and maybe a few pushups, a pull-up or two, and a little bit of core work. I can do this! Everything I do with a focus on healing will contribute to getting me back up and literally running again. Which is what I want. Really I do. So why is it so hard?

I am so ready for a physical outlet - I feel better physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually when I am moving, particularly when I'm outdoors. And I believe it absolutely when I say that we're really all we have, and we are our own health plans. Whether or not we have insurance. Sure, stuff can happen no matter what - I certainly don't mean to imply that it can't, but we at least have some control around managing our health, and I'd rather be proactive than just wait-and-see. My health isn't something I want to leave to chance.

So here's the blog post I wrote for LifeWise, which puts my intention out there for everyone to see.

Finding wellness in Vancouver

This year marked the 21st year of The Wellness Show in Vancouver, BC. For the third year in a row, I've made the trip north to see a friend who manages the cooking stage, and find out what's new in the world of wellness. It's hard to believe it was 20 years ago I worked on the show's marketing copy, and the changes I've experienced over those two decades.

My wellness journey started in my mid-20s when I came to the realization that lifestyle trumps genetics. I made significant changes that I've built on and refined ever since. From fitness to food, it all matters. We are our own best health plan. Information changes over time with more research and experimentation, though, so gut sense - literal and figurative - plays a part. Events like The Wellness Show help educate a general audience, introduce new products, pathways and techniques to the tried and true, and remind us that there are no shortcuts to health, much as we'd like them. 


The antitheses to healthy eating: Leaving the convention center on Sunday,
I walked by this food truck. I noticed their restaurant on Robson Street
while up for the show last year. Hardly a health food, I couldn't resist
the photo. It's a food trend I just don't understand.
And I hear they're everywhere!

While I didn't attend any of the workshops or seminars, I learned a lot just walking the aisles and talking with vendors. A few of the key things I learned or noticed this year:

• Coconut is everywhere - from crunchy chips to organic milk, to face creams and good-for-you candy bars. It's the latest trend and while I have been a coconut fan for years (I both cook with and use the oil on my skin as a night cream, add flakes to my breakfast cereal, and I adore coconut curries - and dare I say it? As a kid, I loved Almond Joy candy bars and just about anything coconut...), I worry about resource depletion once something finds its way into our obsessive culture.
• "Raw" chocolate bars are chalky and bitter and not yet worth the cost.
• Nordic Naturals fish oil is an easy access product that I can feel good about buying. However, a wallet-sized card I picked up lets me know which fish are the most contaminated and over-fished. It leaves just a small list of what I can feel good about eating.
• Nature's Path rocks my world. I love their products. They sponsor the show and promise not to sell out to a major corporation like so many other good brands.
• Natural cosmetics are improving. Except mascara (for me). And if you're in the northwest and local is your thing, Lavera and Benecos are based in Kirkland. And for those who have more luck than I do with products, Lavera mascara is apparently rated the best in the natural cosmetics world. 
• Coffee with mushrooms tastes fine, but I didn't notice a kick. Tea is a burgeoning health trend.
• For the lactose intolerant, naturally aged cheese is your friend. A raw milk cheese vendor explained that cheese aged over time loses its lactose, but most cheese bought in supermarkets is quickly processed. 
• Pets need healthy products, too, and there's no shortage. From wet and dry food to natural supplements, it's available. Grain-free for cats is the way to go (I didn't ask about dogs). 
• I'm not crazy about what's traditionally considered "health food." And I'm never going to be vegan. The vegan cheezcake just didn't do it for me.
• Common Ground magazine is still publishing and this makes me happy. They do a great job of educating their readers about issues of significant importance be they global, national, regional or hyper local.
• Wellness is a body, mind, spirit experience. There is no separation. And there are myriad ways to nurture and satisfy all three.
• Wellness skews female. And most of us want to look young and healthy as long as we can. 

Held at the Vancouver Convention Center on Vancouver's downtown waterfront, even the location says wellness. Across the inlet are the North Shore mountains, what seem like just a hop and a skip away. The Grouse Grind, three ski hills and endless hiking trails await anyone who's fit and ready - no matter the season. And the 1,000 acre Stanley Park is just a few blocks away, with hiking trails throughout and a seawall / cycling / walking path that rings the park.

While I was well on my way to wellness prior to moving to Vancouver, it was during my years there that I notched it up a number of rungs. I fell in love with hiking, sailing, running, and healthy food, and it was living in this clean, coastal city that changed my awareness about environmental practices and living lightly on the planet. Living with a vegetarian (who managed her MS in large part through diet), seeing a naturopath, and starting a regular massage regimen all shifted my perspective about managing my own health.

I wouldn't want to live there again, but it's sure nice to visit. I'm grateful for the friends, the experience, and the greater good that came from it.

Oh - and floating is back! The Float House is opening in April in Vancouver, and a search turned up several float locations in the Vancouver / Seattle / Pacific Northwest region. Long since closed, the Float Zone on Vancouver's 1st Street was a favorite, followed by a tank at Ballard Massage in Seattle, decommissioned years ago. Unless you're claustrophobic, you really must try it sometime - there's nothing like complete sensory deprivation (I'll take mine without music, thanks) for complete relaxation. This may be as close as you'll get to floating on a cloud.