Monday, March 2, 2015

Breaking bad habits

A sea of blossoms viewed from the top of
Carkeek Park's South Ridge trail.  
I fidget. I can't sit still, I slide around in my chair, twirl my hair, run my fingers through it, tug at my lips... I even sometimes twiddle my thumbs. I have done these things or a variation all my life. It makes one friend anxious. I make myself a little crazy.

I also shop. Out of boredom. For comfort. I consider this a habit now, too. I associate shopping and having new clothes, in particular, with being loved, left over from childhood. I love fashion and at times consider style a part of my creative expression, but really... While I don't stand a chance next to The Shopaholic, nor am I anywhere near a contender for Hoarders, shop therapy played a big role when I moved to Vancouver, and even more, post-divorce, as a way to feel less isolated. What started as a coping mechanism became a bad habit. Now it's a go-to when I feel alone, even if it's just window-shopping.


...Change is, well... change is.


I woke up this morning thinking about change, largely because there's a lot going on at work and I'm currently focused on change management. I read and write almost every morning, and today, reading about the placebo effect on health, the fog I've been in for the last two weeks finally lifted. It became clear that it was time to refocus, to be intentional about what I want in my own life, and make some changes again (change seems to be a theme of this blog).
My old house has rooms and closets
built for 1907 lifestyles, so I make-do
with shelving and baskets.

I'm starting small while I give more thought to the bigger changes ahead. I am tired of operating by rote, tired of these habits. Fidgeting burns a few calories, but it's irritating, to me and others. And shopping for material goods I don't need takes time, energy and funds away from more important endeavors, and goes a little against my environmentalist grain. I have enough.



It's spring, or nearly, and a good time to make a shift. 


How?

Good question. Some of these are so ingrained it'll take serious conscious effort (as I write, I find my fingers at my lips or in my hair...). I may have to exchange a habit or two for the short term. And... 

  • Awareness is the critical first step, followed by a willingness to make change. Followed by continuous re-commitment to this. 
  • I'll set some rewards and some boundaries - I'm not yet sure what these are since this is still a new plan. 
  • I will at times take it moment by moment, and not chastise myself when I screw up - just note it and start over. 
  • I will put sticky notes around to remind myself of what I want instead. 
  • Maybe add a calendar appointment in my phone as a daily reminder.
  • I will continually ask myself what I want my life to look like and what's most important. 
I'm not aiming for perfection and I'm grateful I don't have worse habits to break. I think my only current addiction is caffeine - which I learned of when I got my first-ever withdrawal headache last fall after a day without coffee.


...I have much more empathy.  


But these are hard for me, and in some ways, it's a test. They may seem innocuous, but they aren't - they impact how I'm perceived, and in some ways even how I feel about myself. It bugs me that I succumb to these. They are habits, not conscious actions, and consequently, they "run" me (to borrow from Landmark's Forum; they're in control).

My mom was a self-proclaimed "creature of habit," and while I loved my mother, I choose not to emulate her. I have quit smoking, and stopped many other unhealthy behaviors. I have changed my language when it made more sense to speak differently. I stopped saying "um" and using other fillers. I have created good habits, like daily journal writing and exercise. I have changed how and what I eat.

I've read it takes anywhere from 21 - 30 days to break an old or instill a new habit, depending on the complexity (I've also read some take much longer). So I'll aim to be patient with myself. I do believe it's possible to change even these insidious quirks. I will report back. And please, by all means, share your habit-breaking tips, ideas and successes in the comments.

Updates
- Day one update: It helps to say to myself, "I'm choosing to stop this."
- Day two observation: Identified that, 1) I have the desire to do this and, 2) I believecan do this. - So far, so good!
- Day three insight: I'm not sure I would call this hard... but it requires constant diligence. I am impressively habitual.
- Three weeks later: Still doing great with the fidgeting part. It's not always easy; I think about it frequently. But I am not acting on those thoughts. Shopping, well, a slip... Not a big slip, just a little slip. And gave myself a cash limit. So it was a conscious slip, too. Ah well. Onward. It's been a trying couple of weeks, to say the least. Starting anew each day. 

No comments:

Post a Comment