6 things not to say to a job seeker

Breathing space... 

Chances are, you know someone who's looking for a job. Don't we all? Gone are the days when someone stays at a job long enough to retire. And while many leave by choice, countless more leave when companies reorganize, restructure or downsize.

That's where I am, along with 300+ of my former coworkers. Our layoff -- 10 percent across the board -- took place over the better part of a year, so we're all in different stages of looking for work. And some jobs are easier to find than others. Many areas in tech are in demand here in the northwest, so if that's your gig, you're likely golden. But for some of us in tighter fields, it takes longer. I thought I'd have a job by now, four months into this, and while I've landed some interviews, I haven't yet landed a job.

Well-meaning, misguided... 

So does that mean I'm a slacker? Not doing enough? Not willing to pursue any job? You'd think so, based on some of the questions I've been asked or comments I've heard, even though I know they're well-meaning. So for those of you who have friends, family or acquaintances looking for work, here are a few tips of what to say and not say.

1. You haven't found a job yet? Well, no. This question implies the job seeker isn't doing enough, or isn't doing something 'right.' Better might be, "How's the job search coming?" "Anything I can do?" 
2. Are there other things you could do... / ...can you do something else... / ...have you thought about...? Well, yes, and I am broadening my scope. But resumes must be targeted to posted job descriptions, and updating every resume to reflect a tweak in direction takes time. And while I am always open to ideas, and it's possible I haven't thought of yours (and I appreciate your perspective), likely, by this point, I have. If I appear weary, I apologize. 
3. Can't you just get any job for now? Well, no. It doesn't work that way anymore. There was a time where a job seeker could peruse the 'help wanted' ads, see something that looked interesting, say, "I could do that" -- and potentially go get that job. I suppose a version of that still happens now, although I suspect it's not that quick and would happen through a network, not an ad where the job is posted and the company is ready to hire. But it begs the question, is it worth it? If you need work because having money coming in is imperative at that exact moment, then yes. That may mean you're working holiday retail, and there's nothing wrong with that. But that said, because there's so much competition for jobs, companies tend to hire those with the experience they need now. It could take just as much effort to get the job you don't really want.  
4. Have you tried (company x, hottest company around). Well, yes. And so has everyone else. I am one of countless others vying for few positions. I am optimistic and realistic. 
5. It's harder to find work when you get to be a certain age / over x age. If I hear this one more time, I might poke my eyes out. Or theirs. Whether or not there's truth to the age-related myth for job seekers, I don't want to perpetuate that in my thinking or actions. I am still very employable, with great skills and ideas, good energy, and wisdom and experience that take time to acquire, like good judgment. Sure, there are a lot of great applicants younger than me, but we all bring something different to the workplace, and as I've stated in a previous post, there's room for all of us out there. 
6. Isn't it great to have time off? Well, kind of. Except it really isn't time off. There's an ever-present anxiety about finding work. I have more sleepless nights than not. All those questions above? If you think we don't ask ourselves those same questions, think again. At some point, they all wander through the internal dialogue. Yes, I'm able to go grocery shopping, run errands, work out or have coffee with friends in the middle of the day, but as we've all heard, finding a job is a full-time job. And looking for work typically takes a lot of energy and effort, which can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting.  

Honestly, I want the right job, not just any job, so I aim to be strategic with my search. While the foundations of a search are the same (LinkedIn profile, resume, talk to people!), each of us has our own process we need to accept and honor. We spend a lot of time in our places of employment and finding the right culture and experience fit is essential. I don't want to find myself back in a job search within the next year because I settled. At least, not if I don't have to.

That's not to say I'm unwilling to stretch; I absolutely am. I do know I've succumbed unwittingly to the pattern: men apply when their skills match 30 percent of a job description; women apply with about an 80 percent match (these numbers may not be 100 percent accurate but they're close). Duly noted, and I'll work on this. 

Listen, empathize, connect

So if you want to help your job seeker friend / family member / acquaintance, here are some suggestions: 

• Listen and put on your empathy hat. If you haven't been in this position, you may not have a frame of reference, especially if you haven't been in this position in the last 10 or even five years. Much has changed for the job seeker. Don't judge if they haven't found work within what seems to you like a reasonable amount of time. Slackers are few and far between. Finding the right job takes time. 
• Offer contacts. Who do you know that might be helpful? We all know people who have jobs and work for companies of all types and sizes. Whether or not they're hiring, or in a position to hire, connections are what often land the job. While the 'hidden job market' is apparently a myth, having contacts in the right places at the right time can make the difference. The industry I work in is built around relationships. 
• Be mindful. Not everyone wants to work, or would be a good fit, for company x -- the one 'everyone' wants to work for. Don't be offended if the job seeker doesn't respond favorably to every suggestion or idea. However, if you know someone, or know someone who knows someone, conversations are always worth having. Make an introduction. 

A job seeker's work space

If you've heard other questions, comments or have suggestions to add, by all means please include them in the comments. 

Onward, to that next right job!

With gratitude, 

How does your garden grow?

Since this started as a gardening blog (oh, so long ago, it seems), there might be a few of you who want to see the state of things. So here are some recent pictures.

While this blog morphed into something completely different, the garden remains a constant and, at times, a saving grace. Forrest and I have met many amazing people -- some still friends now, even though they're no longer gardening -- through Urban Garden Share, including Diane and Michael, our current garden companions. They insist that gardening comes first, work second (so much to learn from them!).

What a gift to pick fresh produce for a dinner salad, or saute' some bitter greens, or taste the sweetest, freshest, pea from a vine. There's even some cat mint for the little white cat. Our soil is second to none, so I know we're taking care of our wee spot on the planet.

First impressions: Our whole, real selves

What if I showed up to an interview wearing my
favorite shoes, instead of shiny new pumps,
and we focused on the work that needed
to get done and how I could help? 

What if we could bring our whole, real selves to everything we do? There's a lot of chatter these days about bringing our whole selves to work. The separation of work and home required for so long seems to have finally gone the way of the double-breasted suit and pantyhose, at least in many workplaces. Couldn't happen soon enough!!

But what about interviews? I ask this as I navigate my job search. The process feels much like a game, and there are those who are better at playing than others. I think it's easier for extroverts, of which I no longer call myself. I straddle that introvert / extrovert fence now, and with each passing year, lean more heavily toward introvert. Better to observe, listen, assess, advise - those skills that make me good at what I do, but not as good at marketing myself.

I haven't been shy about stating this previously: I have long felt the corporate environment to be largely unhealthy. While I think that's changing (in some cases) as society changes -- people like me working inside the system for more humanity and authenticity, younger workers with different expectations of what work should be and do, technology revving up the pace of it all... Yet the world of interviewing hasn't changed much, except it's more competitive, and includes applicants and interviewers from all generations.

Here's the thing I'm unsettled by. I'm not just "iPhone smart" as an acquaintance put it. I am older, more experienced now, with creativity, energy and insights to spare, yet it seems as though many talented job seekers younger than me benefit from assumptions about age. Not that there hasn't always been bias in the workplace / hiring sphere...

Aacck... and, as I write (and rewrite) this, checking myself on my own biases and assumptions about getting hired.

By nature of our generations, we have different skillsets and mindsets. We have different experiences that shape who we are. And all generations have value in today's workplace. Generalizations based on generations and first impressions mean a lot of organizations miss out on great people -- whether they're hiring for youthful idealism or aging wisdom, maturity and experience. We've all heard the assumptions about generations X, Y, millennials and boomers, and sure, some are true, but that's only a piece of our story...

Call me a pragmatic idealist

At this point in my life, I carry my idealism couched in pragmatism. It means I have great ideas, yet the ability to be effective, follow through and make things happen. I don't think I fit the stereotypes. I'm savvy, smart, learn quickly and pay attention to how things are changing and where we're (collective we) headed. But how many hiring managers get a sense of this through the current interview process?

My point about bringing our whole selves to everything we do is about our energy and true contribution. Had I worn those shoes pictured above, with the outfit I had on, my energy at a recent interview would have been entirely different. 

Mind you, I'm not suggesting we wear workout gear and flip flops to interviews. Unless it's a job that requires yoga pants -- and some do.  And I'll admit that seeing a stylist, having my make-up done, and shopping for some 'interview-worthy' outfits to 'feel more fresh and vibrant' has made the process a little bit more fun. But if that's how I'm going to be judged (because what does a hiring manager do if not judge; first impressions count!), it's disappointing.

What if rather than a guessing game, hiring managers shared the details of their culture even before meeting you, told you about the problems they're experiencing and need solving (I've yet to see a job posting that really does this), expected you to come as you are (just as they show up to interview you ... as they are), and clarified their needs and expectations right up front, rather than waiting for you to ask those 'questions that show you're interested' at the end of every interview? What if the process was a conversation about getting work done? An exchange of ideas to see how you'd really work together? The physical and creative energy in that setting would be so much more powerful.

To date, I feel like I'm preparing for finals without knowing more than a few generic questions. I am a storyteller of other people's stories; pre-canned 'accomplishment statements' to shout out my successes make me cringe.

All that said, attitude is everything. Confidence, competence, resilience... I have these in spades, and this process continues to build more. And I know when the right place and I find each other, none of the above will matter (except the shoes). We'll have a conversation, we'll all see the benefits, and everything will fall into place. Because that's how it works.

Onward.