Are you struggling? Change your language

I'm really struggling right now.

Struggle, or a variation, is a word I often say to myself when I'm challenged, frustrated, unhappy or when something isn't working the way I think it should. And I hear it a lot from others in conversations when we talk about how we're doing.

Mirriam-Webster defines struggle as something very hard that takes great effort. 

Life is hard. 

Unless it isn't. 

It isn't hard for everyone, but I for much of my life I believed it was, indeed, hard. I often wondered why some people had it so easy. It even made me angry. It didn't seem fair. (Sometimes it still doesn't...)

While some are blessed by circumstances, in large part, we each have a hand in creating our circumstances. Whatever they may be. Again, as in previous posts, I make this disclaimer: I am referring to those of us in the western world who are fortunate to be of sound mind. I know there are exceptions to everything and I have great compassion for those who really do struggle.   

And... 

For so much of my life, per the description by Mirriam-Webster, life was hard and took great effort. I've shared a bit of my story before (likely with more to come, but that's another story...): I'm the only child of an unwed mother, my father died when I was just two and my paternal family was MIA; I've lost countless family members, experienced plenty of dysfunction, victimization and had limited access to resources - these experiences and even more, my stories about them, defined and drove me.

Life just is... 

And at some point, I learned: Life isn't hard. Life just is. My perception, my story about it, makes it hard. Realistically, it's not hard or easy, not good or bad. It's whatever I make it. If I look for evidence that it's hard, it is, and I collected a lot of that evidence. And I attracted it, created it, because it's what I'm used to. Not because it's what I want - let me be clear. But if that's what I've experienced, I have no road map for something different.

Yet now I know, as an adult, I can and do make choices. I don't have to be defined by that background. Yes, it shaped my view about so much, and it offered me perspective and gave me empathy... and, so much of what I knew to be true really wasn't. My interpretations, my beliefs about life... "Life is hard" was a generations-old story that I adopted as my own; it was a way of being that I could change. It didn't have to be true for me anymore unless I wanted it to be. 

I could choose to struggle, or thrive. 

I'm not saying it's easy, or that it's the be all / end all to changing your life, but something as simple as changing our language can have a big impact. 

I challenged myself to remove the word struggle from my vocabulary, and instead of describing my relationship to my situation as a struggle, I more clearly define what I'm feeling and experiencing. Once I clearly identify what's really going on, I have more power to take action and do something about it. 

...I'm having a hard time grasping how to do this. ...I'm feeling really hurt right now. ...I'm frustrated by the current dynamic I'm experiencing at work. ...I feel stagnant creatively. ...I can't figure this out.  

I have said this in previous posts: Words matter. Whether it's the language we use in our self-talk, or when speaking out loud to others, words have an impact. They're shortcuts to feelings, reactions and responses, beliefs. If we can choose empowering words, we can impact what we experience.

No. more. struggle. 

Don't believe me? Try it for a week or a month. Experiment. What words are automatic to you? Are they words that help or hinder your circumstances? If they hinder, try trading those for something more desirable. 

We're all familiar with our inner critic. This is an aspect of that critic. Change our language, and we have more power to shift our experience. 

Ultimately, I believe we're here to learn and grow and contribute in meaningful ways. It's hard to contribute our best selves if we're always struggling. Some of us just have a few pre-requisites to master before we get there.