Life lessons: Courtesy, kindness and dignity

Dirty cat paws... 

My grandfather was adamant about treating people with courtesy, kindness and dignity. Didn't matter if that person collected your garbage every week, lived across the street, worked with you day in day out, cleaned your floors, sat at your table, or waited on you in a service environment. Income bracket, skin color or age didn't matter, either. He was first generation American, born to Swedish immigrants, merchant mariner, union employee, pretty standard middle class with first-rate values.

I often think of the lessons I learned from him in my current work environment as we move to a servant leadership model and focus on an overall customer experience. While those lessons were personal, they're easily adaptable.

I am very aware of how I'm treated in almost any circumstance, and if my customer service experience with a provider, service or seller is bad, I won't return. And as common research states, I'll also share that information with my immediate circle of family and friends. That said, I'll also share a good experience.

I like feeling valued. We all do. 

Here are a couple of my own customer experience examples:

• Nordstrom was my very first credit card and I've had that card longer than I'm willing to admit. They have a rewards program based on spending, like so many other retailers, but last month, I received an email message letting me know I had a surprise gift coming. And the next day, I received a $25 gift card. Not based on purchase amounts... and without any stated reason other than they valued me as a customer. Who needs a loyalty program with recognition like this. I'm in!
• Prior to leaving on vacation, I asked my gym, Olympic Health Club, if I could put my membership on hold while I was away. Turns out this is a benefit for month-to-month members only, and last December, I paid my membership dues for the entire year. I don't know how hard it would be to move my membership expiration two weeks out, or why they wouldn't want to offer more rewards to members who commit to an entire year in advance, but apparently they can't do that. This isn't my only disappointing experience with them - there have been many over the few years I've been there. While I like their pool, I think I'm done. My beaten path has plenty of other options these days. 

I think it's apparent that at my gym, I'm just another click of the member counter. Their support staff also don't seem empowered. I ask a question and they're hard-pressed to answer, and even more hard-pressed to answer like they care.

Having done brief stints in retail, restaurants and phone sales, I know I'm not cut out for that very public work. Even now I'm sometimes hard-pressed to be courteous and kind in certain circumstances (especially if I'm hungry; low blood sugar brings out my worst behavior). When I deviate from that moral stance and don't correct it, I'm not proud of myself. But as I practice being more kind, I have become mindful, and have caught myself being snarky to a grocery clerk or bank teller, called myself out, and apologized. No one deserves to be treated badly. Ever. Even flipping off a bad driver makes me give myself a little kick.


Kindness: empathy, compassion, patience 


My job keeps me behind a desk most of the time, but a computer screen doesn't shield bad attitudes or behavior. Long ago I learned that you can "hear" a smile in a phone call, or read between the lines in a message. It's not hard to be kind. And even small kindnesses go a long way, especially if someone's experiencing a difficult time. Kindness may be a tender word, a thoughtful note, an offer of help, or owning a mistake that isn't yours, but it may just mean taking a step back, listening, noticing, being patient, or taking the high road when it feels like that'll make a difference. I know how far it goes when said bank teller responds to my angst with kindness; I'm immediately diffused and apologetic. An exchange with an inexperienced, unsympathetic Barnes & Noble staff person resulted in the opposite experience. Poor guy. It's likely the only time in recent memory I haven't apologized. I think he may have been in the wrong job.

It's not hard. 

We can't possibly know what others are experiencing - even if they tell us. The annoying driver weaving in traffic? Maybe it's a family emergency. Benefit of the doubt goes a long way, too.

Ultimately, we're all in this together. And if that's not enough reason to be kind at least the majority of the time, or apologize when shit happens, kindness reduces stress - yours and that of your kindness recipients. Studies are proving it. And who can't do with a little less stress these days? Here's an Atlantic story for further reading.



What do dirty cat paws have to do with life lessons about courtesy, kindness, and dignity? My furry little friend, dignity not withstanding, gives me ample opportunity to practice patience. Even a little white cat needs lots of kindness, dirty paws and all.