We had some wild winds today, perhaps a sympathetic nod to our easterly friends. I've been a little edgy today - I talked with Forrest on Saturday just as the President Polk was heading out to sea to beat the storm. Ports send ships out to sea for safety when hurricanes or other strong weather forces are imminent. Better to be in rolling waves than bashing up against a dock, pier or other boats - or worse. Forrest sounded confident they'd miss most of it, but were leaving earlier than initially planned to make sure. They expected 30 foot waves.
I got a very brief email mid-day today so I know he's OK, but later I checked his blog to see if he was able to post via text. Sure enough, he'd added a post, "North Atlantic." Sure enough, they'd hit 30 ft seas. And while they didn't completely miss the storm, they just caught the upper right corner of it. He was enjoying the ride. So he said...
Immediate fears tucked away, I'm attempting to focus on other things. Like how to jump start my exercise program with so little motivation. Dire need, but zero enthusiasm. Or how to get my house clean and address my allergy issues, which I just learned include dust mites. Or how to focus on my coaching program, when I'm feeling stuck on a particular issue, and my "gremlins" are hanging around and impacting my progress. I think the residual anxiety - the storm, Forrest away, being home alone (we're only in week two out of six entire months), finances, health issues - is making just doing the things that need to be done more challenging. I'm a little out of sync.
I also really want to find a voice for this darn blog and I'm just not there. Living from the inside out - my authentic self. What would that self write about? What does she look like? Perhaps those are the questions I need to be thinking about as I go through this process. And writing about.
For now, I'm giving thanks that Forrest and ship appear to be fine and that I am safe and dry.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The next step on a bigger journey
It's been a few days now since I dropped Forrest off at SeaTac to embark on the next step of his - and our - journey. He's now on a 1000' container ship - the equivalent of 12 stories tall - in the Newark, NJ harbor, the newest member of a crew of about 25. The last few days, they've readied themselves and the ship with maintenance, drills, and getting to know each other. And now he's prepared to leave on his first of many on-board adventures. They'll cast off tomorrow and head down the coast to Savannah (where he'll meet his brother to restock a few key essentials like chemical hand warmers), make a few stops in between, venture back up, then cross the Atlantic en route to Shanghai by way of the Suez Canal, the Red Sea, and the Indian Ocean, with stops in Malta, Sri Lanka and Singapore, among others. He'll do this several times while on this 180 day tour.
This is big. This is something we've talked about, planned for, worked toward, and eagerly anticipated. On Friday night, I experienced a dichotomy of feelings - anxious but peaceful, joyful but sad, proud of his and even our accomplishments, yet humbly grounded in a profound understanding of the work and energy it took to get here. For both of us. To get the position, he certainly did the heavy lifting. But together, we've had our roles to play.
There were many times these past couple of years where I felt like all I was doing was "holding down the fort" while he took the necessary steps. No small endeavor, this holding part, and certainly there was more to it, as we've both had our work cut out for us in many ways, building the foundation that makes this possible. But with my coach training now underway, and Forrest on a ship, the foundation building and holding patterns have shifted and we are both actively participating in this journey in a completely different way. We are now moving forward at an accelerated pace.
This is big. This is something we've talked about, planned for, worked toward, and eagerly anticipated. On Friday night, I experienced a dichotomy of feelings - anxious but peaceful, joyful but sad, proud of his and even our accomplishments, yet humbly grounded in a profound understanding of the work and energy it took to get here. For both of us. To get the position, he certainly did the heavy lifting. But together, we've had our roles to play.
There were many times these past couple of years where I felt like all I was doing was "holding down the fort" while he took the necessary steps. No small endeavor, this holding part, and certainly there was more to it, as we've both had our work cut out for us in many ways, building the foundation that makes this possible. But with my coach training now underway, and Forrest on a ship, the foundation building and holding patterns have shifted and we are both actively participating in this journey in a completely different way. We are now moving forward at an accelerated pace.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
In full swing
"Change is coming!" "I'm ready for change."
I have written these words countless times on this blog but now it feels like the changes I / we have worked to create are in full swing. I have started my coach training program (so I will write more about what I'm learning and discovering there as I go along), and Forrest just landed his first on-ship gig. We're still waiting for details in terms of when he ships out and how long he'll be away, but these two things - his work and my training - really put the plans in motion for both of us. It's taken a long time to get here, but I believe we've built a strong foundation that supports all the changes - now and those still to come.
I'm both excited and terrified. There are so many unknowns, but I feel more in charge. Like I'm both creating and we are co-creating my and our future. This is so different than anything I experienced in earlier years. Some of the fear is about what can happen to ships in foreign waters, but for now, I'm going to trust that all will be well and that we have worked for - and deserve - the life we're consciously creating.
I have written these words countless times on this blog but now it feels like the changes I / we have worked to create are in full swing. I have started my coach training program (so I will write more about what I'm learning and discovering there as I go along), and Forrest just landed his first on-ship gig. We're still waiting for details in terms of when he ships out and how long he'll be away, but these two things - his work and my training - really put the plans in motion for both of us. It's taken a long time to get here, but I believe we've built a strong foundation that supports all the changes - now and those still to come.
I'm both excited and terrified. There are so many unknowns, but I feel more in charge. Like I'm both creating and we are co-creating my and our future. This is so different than anything I experienced in earlier years. Some of the fear is about what can happen to ships in foreign waters, but for now, I'm going to trust that all will be well and that we have worked for - and deserve - the life we're consciously creating.
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